Where are the guys with everything stacked against them?

JuliusJustice · 2016-03-09T06:53:29+00:00

Well, I don't per se fit your "lowest of the low" description or "is a guy like you".

This is more of a "I was once like you but then I decided to fucking do something to make my life better and the way i deserve to have it" response.

But I am a man much younger than you are who is here in hopes of encouraging a change and inspiring you to hit your potential.

Everything you listed about yourself is ALL negative

I'm in my 30s and have no experience with women, I have no career, no achievements, no social circle, ADD, social anxiety, general ineptitude.. my functionality in day-to-day life is impaired. Recently I've had to add "health problems" to the mix.. I've even tried correcting some bad habits and yet there's still something not right with my health, I feel like shit all of the time, and cannot "force" a happy/fun look.. I just look like crap, because I feel like crap, even with occasional exercise.

You've just basically stated that you're in your 30s, you have no friends, and you've done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with your life, have bad habits and now it's all now led health issues.

What type of woman would be attracted to a damaged man WHO DOES NOTHING TO BETTER HIMSELF?

NONE of them

on top of that, you have NO rekindling traits about you (None that you've mentioned)

Women aren't attracted to men with a "Defeated Mentality"

Where you feel life is HARD for you because you do nothing and DO NOTHING TO FIX IT.

STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND GET UP AND FUCKING TAKE ACTION TO SWITCH YOUR LIFE TO HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE.

Stop expecting shit to come your way when you take absolutely NO step in do something FOR YOURSELF.

The reason WHY you're a "huge stack of "things women do not want" is because you HAVE NOTHING they want.

Right now, you are not aligned to having a woman because YOU ARE NOT ALIGNED YOURSELF.

You can easily switch that IF YOU DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. The great thing is that ANYTHING at the point you're at will only benefit you.

STOP BEING LAZY AND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND GET UP AND GET GOING!

YOU HAVE VALUE

YOU HAVE WORTH

TURN YOURSELF INTO A PERFECT MAN THAT THESE WOMEN CAN'T RESIST

GET BUSY

DO/FOLLOW SOMETHING YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT

Turn whatever you're feeling into something creative or sweat it out by doing something physical.

Work/Save towards somewhere you always wanted to go.

When you're working towards something positive that you've always wanted, your mind gets occupied with getting what it is you want that will help benefit you, and in the meantime, someone new ALWAYS happens to be attracted in what it is you're passionate about. Then the new connection is up to you.

I REALLY really took the time to read this and to respond to it.

I am a 26-year-old stranger who is looking out for YOUR well-being.

And I care that much because that is what I do for my fellow man.

YOU OWE it to yourself to take action in having the life you deserve.

And it all begins by taking that first step into the rest of your life.

DamnTheseLurkers · 2016-03-09T08:55:28+00:00

I think you look at this the wrong way. You don't hear about these guys having success because there can be no success in this case, or very limited (luck mostly).

There is no magic formula to seduction, no special words or things you can do to get women. The whole point of seduction is to better yourself in such a way that you attract a greater portion of the women you meet.

Guys who were in your place and got women eventually probably just improved themselves a lot and become the former category you speak of.

rasatouche · 2016-03-09T14:27:52+00:00

When I started I was 150kg, 26yo, virgin depressed, I had stopped going out completely sometime around 22 and hadn't kissed a girl since I was like 21. Slowly I got back into the game. I'm now 28, 110kg @ 20% bf, pull 1200 on the big 3, Started going out more (albeit I initially relied heavily on drugs to get 'in state'), in the last year had ~10 or so makeouts and fingered a girl on the beach and had a girlfriend (even if it was only for a couple of weeks). I'm now 28 and this shit is still hard, quite often I still go out and end up stuck in my head, serious / frown face, go home alone. But then other times I end up making out with a girl simply from eye fucking her (shit works zomg).

I had been struggling with no fap for a year, making no progress, but now I'm on my longest streak (23 days), the main difference is I'm now investing in myself. I didn't go to uni, but now I read 20 - 60 min a day, everyday. I meditate 20 minutes, twice a day, everyday. I take at least 1 cold shower, everyday. The business idea I had 3 months ago the old me would have fantasized about and not actually done anything with it, I've bootstrapped it with a business partner & have brought it to market. Instead of fantasizing about moving to a better town with more opportunity, I just went and did it.

I go out quite often solo & sober, and it forces me to either get with the program and be social from the moment I get in the line, or I get stuck in my head and have a shit night, then the next night, I try again. I still do the occasional night high, but it's not every night now. It's a chicken and the egg problem that though (like if you go and get anti-depressants, you'll feel better, so you'll be happier, so you'll carry that happiness into interactions and they'll go better, however if you put the work in, which basically means love yourself, lose the weight, give yourself something to live for, that will change your mood on a real, deep level).

I highly recommend doing it sober, yes it's way harder, and you will have harder rejections, but once you make it, you can do it anytime, anywhere. It's not game when you get to the venue, notice that cute girl, and go hmm, better wait 45min until I'm high then I can approach.

It's only when you invest in yourself, and believe your life story that other people want to come and play a part in it. Besides, you can have a comeback story, comeback stories are way, way more impressive than 'my life was just cruisey' stories.

SmoothPrimal · 2016-03-09T09:12:38+00:00

If you have no career, and no achievement maybe that's what you should focus on first before girls because that's actually quite important.

You probably should see a psychologist to talk about how your mentality evolved into your current state. Seems like how you are is deep rooted into how your cognitive schema and you basically need to reprogram how you think before you can make any actual progress into becoming a better person.

Aeon199 · 2016-03-09T12:23:01+00:00

Yo buddy,

we have all been in similar situations. I am 22 years old now and I am doing this game thing for ~4 months now. During this time I was able to get a few dates with beautiful women, kissed multiple women and slept with one.

I am an average guy - I am neither ugly nor pretty. I am 1.80m and weigh ~64kg now.(When I started I weighed ~59kg - workout + nutrition helped me there) So you can imagine I am also a pretty skinny guy, not exactly what women want.

Your biggest problem is your whole mentality. There is no success without work. Period. It is impossible to have success with women if you don't work on yourself. I do have social anxiety, I am 22 and got no steady income and live at my parents house. I do have depressive thoughts from time to time. I have such a big approach anxiety. But you know what? I acknowledge it and fix it. Everyone can fix himself. I do workout 5x per week even though I work from 10am-6pm monday-friday. I go to gym after work and I am home approximately at 9pm. When I come home I eat and eventually go sleep to repeat this the next day. At weekends I go out no matter what. If my friends don't want to go out, then I go out alone.(that's pretty often) Going out alone forces you to socialise. I number closed,kiss closed and fuck closed beautiful girls like this. Each time I go up and approach a girl I shit in my pants. However, throwing myself over and over into the fire improved my skills drastically.

All these skills you've listed are accessable for everyone. If you don't get your ass out of your chair, then nothing will change. Once you focus your energy on just moving things forward and working on yourself you will start seeing results. Crying on the other hand is a waste of energy and a waste of time.

Looks do matter to some degree - make the best out of it, visit the gym regularly, groom and dress yourself nicely.

Fighting your anxiety matters - throw yourself into the fire as often as possible. You will feel very uncomfortable at first, however once you notice noone cares even if you fail, it will get better. You will always have some degree of anxiety, however the more you throw yourself out there, the more you learn to accept this anxiety.

Not losing your motivation matters - dealing with rejection is a must. You can either cry here again or just focus on improving.

Social skills matter - As you start interacting with people, you will improve your social skills. You will be more calibrated and experienced in different situations. That's how you eventually have "smooth" conversations.

So trust me. Most of us aren't any naturals who have all these skills god given. We all have to work on these areas and people who have this success went through the same shit as you and me. It is possible for everyone to bang women, even the beautiful ones. Some may have more work to do, some less but all will get results as long as they do work on themself.

rasellers0 · 2016-03-09T05:41:05+00:00

Aeon199 · 2016-03-09T09:15:12+00:00

Your post history is pathetically sad.

Aeon199 · 2016-03-09T17:24:26+00:00

The difference between guys like you and guys who have "made it" is that they have decided to make a change in their lives, and have committed to that change by refusing to accept anything less.

Almost everything that you list out as a negative aspect in your life is fully within your control to change. You seem to have an extremely negative view about yourself, and you are using the wrong motivations for wanting to make your life better.

I think your main problem right now is you're in the mindset of "I'm a piece of shit with no good qualities and I'll never get laid". What you should really be thinking is "I'm not living my life to the full potential, I need to make changes and fix these things because I deserve nothing less". Attracting women and getting laid / married / whatever is a side effect of these changes, not the end-result. You're making yourself a better person for YOU, not for women. You really need to believe this at a fundamental level, or else you will never be truly successful with women.

I was basically in your shoes this time last year. Not quite as down-in-the-dumps as you are, but close. I'm currently in the process of bettering myself, pushing myself, and it's been an amazing journey. I haven't made it yet, but my level of confidence and self esteem has sky-rocketed like never before. I'm 34 also, so don't ever tell yourself you're too old to make things better.

PM me if you want to talk, man. And I also want to say that the main catalyst for me making these changes was Models by Mark Manson. If you haven't read this book yet, make this your #1 priority over anything else.

Monkey_Jerk · 2016-03-09T08:03:09+00:00

but, at the same time, a lot of folks here say I could still bang women. So, that is one of the reasons I haven't given up on the quest 100% yet.

They mean if you get to a certain level of normalcy, not in your current state. Or maybe you get lucky once in while.

So, back to the question at hand, where are the guys like me? Where are your success stories?

You probably won't find many on reddit. It's either gonna be late bloomers or guys who never bloomed

I have to either fight to get booty, or realize it is not worth the effort

That's a personal choice. You're obviously really behind at this point so it will be much harder and more effort than if you were in your late teens/early 20's. It just a matter of how bad you want it.

I know where you're coming from, I'm in a similar position.

anabolic92 · 2016-03-09T15:37:02+00:00

Im balding at my early 20s so women get repulsed by me, I never go out socially and im ugly overall.

Sometimes feels like im in this world just so ppl can compare to me and feel better, hope you can as well.

xJAMES619x · 2016-03-09T16:10:15+00:00

I'm a 20yr old guy who has a few close friends that I see as family. Three to be exact. I know I lack confidence and courage at times. I also get bad anxity around female's and people I have strong feelings towards. But shit I'm trying to better myself just like you should. I told a friend that I had feelings for in the past that I still had feelings for her. Then a few days later (last night) I fucked up by doing what I thought was right and talked about what was on my mind. Which was her and wondering if she had feelings for me to? But I think I came off as being aggressive and brought something up I asked two days ago. Funny thing is I then asked what it ment to her? The one thing I really wanted to know and I cut myself and her off. Letting her say "I don't know...I mean" as a ok answer If you want to here other people progress to show you there's people like you. Well there's my attempt. You are never a failure for trying. If any kind soul would care to help me id greatly appreciate it. Sorry for the rant everyone. Its been on my mind all night and the only people I talk to are not awake. Oh and my closest friend is her brother. We all got issues with this that's why we're are here to find a way to fix it and help others fix theirs. not dwell on it. Edit:On mobile and tried to make paragraphs but failed sorry.

AcidCyborg · 2016-03-09T17:31:01+00:00

Im the same as you but im 19 and work out regularly

Hayden9955 · 2016-03-09T17:34:00+00:00

I am balding so I buzzed my hair. I was (and am still a little bit) overweight so I started working out. I was clinically depressed so I got help and starting taking medication. I lived in a boring city with nothing to do so I moved to a megalopolis where I never run out of things to do. I didn't have any social circle so I made it a priority to meet people 7 days a week.

If you want something it's not going to be easy. But for fuck's sake- DO SOMETHING. Stop sitting on your ass and acting like the world's against you.

AcidCyborg · 2016-03-09T17:50:59+00:00

Stop victimizing yourself and take control of your life. /u/JuliusJustice says it well. Woman want a rock, someone they can lean on in difficult situations. Become that rock.

I have to either fight to get booty, or realize it is not worth the effort

So, play the game or get the fuck out. Sure, some people are privileged to get a bit of a head-start, but that doesn't mean you can't catch up if you go hard enough. If you're going to be a quitter, you might as well stop wasting precious resources.

eomede07 · 2016-03-09T21:29:22+00:00

We are taking a step by step process when it comes to working on ourselves, our lifestyle and how we are with women. It is slow but we will all get there as long as we don't give up.

trail22 · 2016-03-10T00:11:29+00:00

Alright I am a failure like you. I'm Foreve Alone and I wont give you the same BS that other guys here will give you, but seeing as I am a failure, maybe you shouldnt listen to me.

You need to find a win. So first I started going to the gym. At first it was because I was fat but after a while it became because I felt good. For the first month all I wanted to do was physically go to the gym and I wouldnt worry about how much effort I put in. Just getting my ass to the gym was good enough.

After a while I actually realized that workign out made me feel better. Everynight after I worked out I asked myself if I felt better or worse then when I got to the gym. The answer was always better.

So from here I opened myself up to a whole host of different activities. I wrote down a list of things to try and I ran through them. Running, tennis, golf, snow boarding, crossfit, yoga, surfing, and spin classes.

I ended up really enjoying running and I joined a running group. It took me about 3 years before I actually made a friend I would hang out with outside of the group, but I didnt care because I enjoyed running. I enjoyed training for a marathon and having a goal. Hopefully you can find a social hobby that you enjoy as much for the actual activity as the opportunists to socialize.

The first friend was the hardest. One friend leads to another friend leads to another friend and in the end I ended up having a large social and became more confident in my social skills and my value as a friend. Running itself really improved my mood and relaxed me enough to make friends. Having friends helped me feel better about myself and my life in general. I was happier, but still alone.

So now that I was in shape, had a life and had friends, I was in a generally more positive mood. And I was going out to different running groups and always meeting new people. Some of these people were women, and those women saw me in a much better light then before. They see a guy who is happier, in shape that has friends. Also I was in a position where I met women while doing something I enjoyed. Bars and clubs are not fun to me.

Although none of this helped me in the end with women, you will most likely be different. I have yet to meet someoen who has put in as much effort in as me and still failed; even online. Someone who spent 6 years at the gym getting swole. That could pick up the phone right now and call 10 guys and 10 girls for a drink. Someone who has run 10+ full marathons and probably talks to 60 people socially a week.

Most likely things will work out for you and you wont be a dateless guy in their mid thrities (Like me). But this is a process that took me 8 years. The hardest part really was not running the thousands of miles or going to the gym, it was consistent rejection from women online or IRl.

Good luck, its a process and if you start now and take a more agressive approach toward making friends it will probably not take you as long as it has me to get a life and make friends. Even if you dont meet any women you will be happier for it.

sorcererbro · 2016-03-10T02:22:10+00:00

You don't need any money to learn how to be in control of your mental state. This skill is a prerequisite to basically all seduction techniques.

This is not something you can give up on. You think the worst that can happen is that you'll be forever alone. Nah, it gets worse. Work on the basics, fuck all the techniques, just master your inner game. It's not even about getting laid for you. It's about having a better relationship with yourself.

sorcererbro · 2016-03-10T19:44:39+00:00

You've turned your negative circumstances into an identity. You should only be building an identity out of things you want to keep in your life permanently.

You could say I've had the deck stacked against me up until 9 months ago. I've been working on seduction since my sophomore year in college. I had deeply fucked-up social skills that barely developed during my teenage years.

I would say you can stack the deck against me all you want; you can't stack the player. I recognized that I could change my circumstances. I found a way to move things in the direction I wanted. As difficult as it was at first, and despite extremely negative social consequences, I stayed the course and claimed my change for the better.

You're worse off than a stacked deck right now. You've stacked yourself against yourself. Your situation is a tightly tangled mess, and the first knot that will unravel for you is that of stacking yourself in your favor.

Title	Where are the guys with everything stacked against them?
Author	Aeon199
Upvotes	25
Comments	50
Date	March 9, 2016 5:15 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/49mlo9/where_are_the_guys_with_everything_stacked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/where-are-the-guys-with-everything-stacked-against.1403747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1403747

Comments