Are any men here living a happy, long-term family life?

AnthonyZarat · 2012-11-18T12:51:46+00:00

I am happily married, 13 years now. My wife and I have two boys. Sometimes my wife visits her sister for a few days (her sister has medical problems and needs help), and I miss her terribly when she is gone. I love her more than I can say. I would not hesitate for a second to give my life for her.

The MRM is not about the relationship between men and women.

The MRM is about the relationship between men and government.

oneiorosgrip · 2012-11-18T14:22:51+00:00

I'm not male, but I can offer you at least one example of a happy relationship. My husband and I have been together for about 15 years, and we'll be together as the marriage vow says, 'till death do us part (which I hope is a long, long way off.) We've had it rough because of his ex-wife, and we've had to make sacrifices not normally expected within a marriage, but after 15 years of that hardship, we're closer, stronger, and happier than most marriages around us.

The issue with men and marriage is not good women turning bad. If a woman does to you the things you've described, she hasn't changed. She has relaxed.

As I've said before in response to similar questions, the smart thing is to develop a healthy cynicism toward a potential partner. You do not have to assume every woman you meet is a devil - just do not assume every woman you meet is an angel, either. Reserve your respect and your trust for those who earn them.

Learn about the person you're interested in - not just how she treats people she wants to think well of her, but how she treats people she's never going to see again, and people who can't do anything to/for her.
Watch how she deals with problems when they come up - whether she whines and expects someone to fix it for her, comes up with a method of handling them that is damaging to anyone (stepping on others to get where she wants to go,) or takes responsibility and works toward a beneficial solution even though that's harder than the other two options... and if she is faced with something too big for one person to handle and she receives help, is she grateful for that, or does she appear to feel entitled to it?
Watch how she handles her mistakes. Does she own up and learn from them, or does she dodge and throw blame elsewhere? Does she expect those closest to her to pretend she's never wrong?
Is her treatment of others equal to her expectation of their treatment of her, or does she expect others to treat her better than she treats them?
Does she know how to keep her temper in check?
That's an important one... and equally important - Does she feel entitled to ever hit (slap, push, punch) men who haven't hit her first (in other words, for reason other than self-defense,) or does she deal with conflict without becoming violent?

So it's really a matter of personal assessment as a means of self-defense. You'll have the best chance of partnering with a woman of mature, altruistic and responsible character if you hold your partner to this type of behavioral standard, just as society does for a man... and before you treat a woman like that's who she is, first take the time to assess her behavior and find out if that's true about her.

rooblet · 2012-11-18T14:12:45+00:00

I have been happily married for 20 years, and have 3 thriving sons.

My advice: character and emotional stability are by far the most important attributes in a woman. A plain jane with a heart of gold will make you much happier in the end than a HB9. Look for nurturing, agreeableness, generosity, tolerance, fairness, emotional self control. Avoid entitlement, narcissism, self centeredness, condescension, and emotional drama.

Run like hell if a woman shows any sign of feminist anti-male attitudes. Any woman who says "all men are pigs" or "men's rights is joke" should be disqualified immediately - not only as a date, but as a friend.

Find a woman with similar values and goals. Compatible personalities won't be enough if you want different things out of life.

Make sure you avoid bad habits in the way you relate to women. Many men suppress the positive aspects of their masculinity because they've been told by society that masculinity is a bad thing. This kills attraction for you in a woman. Understand that the basis of marriage is sexual attraction on both sides, and the psychological attraction is as important as the physical. Your attractiveness is something you need to actively maintain. Read this book to learn more.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-11-18T13:47:15+00:00

I've been married for 6 years together 9 years, she's nice, I'm nice, so there haven't been any issues between us, and we have 2 kids.

keeponthesunnyside · 2012-11-18T18:11:04+00:00

My wife and I dated for 5 years before getting married. We've been married now for ten years, and things are great. 2 girls, 1 boy. Take your time, make sure you respect her (and vice versa) as much as you love her.

You've already avoided marrying too young, so you're a step ahead.

Good luck!

conchoso · 2012-11-18T20:08:09+00:00

I was in a situation similar to yours, and now I'm about 3-4 years into my "happy, long-term family life" and things aren't looking too good...

MechPlasma · 2012-11-18T13:11:21+00:00

I believe a prenup can remove the chance of getting screwed over in a divorce, with the exception of children. There's still the chance that she'd screw you over maliciously, such as lying about crimes, but that's kiiinda rare.

Mostly, the advice I have is to never, ever rush things. Don't get married before being together for several years, and don't have children until several years after that. Try stay away from a girl who's vengeful or hateful to certain people - effectively, look at how they treat the person they hate the most, and imagine if you became like that to her. Generally, you should be less worried about if your partner radically changes personality, and more worried about if your partner was never completely honest in the first place.

But as long as you're really careful, and don't just go out with anyone you have feelings for, and aren't afraid of running if things start looking really bad, then I'd say go for a long-term relationship. They're still pretty great.

Oh, and you'll really need to set aside your ambitions of fatherhood for a good while. Nothing you can do (or rather, should do) about that, really.

Samurai007_ · 2012-11-18T18:06:41+00:00

I'd say take your time getting to know her, don't jump into marriage quickly, and watch out for warning signs like a hot temper or excessive feminist ideology. If something worries you, discuss it with her and see what her reaction is. If something really worries you then listen to your instincts and move on. If you find a really good woman, then go for it, you can't be afraid to live life to the fullest and be happy. But IMO you maximize your chance at long-term happiness by being careful, watching for warning signs, and thinking with the head on your shoulders rather than the one in your pants.

gevander · 2012-11-19T01:42:52+00:00

I'm 47, and have been married 7 years this week. My wife is 44 and we have a 3 year old daughter.

Of course most people never enter a relationship intending to end it once they are serious about finding a mate.

That said, I would advise not stressing yourself about "finding" someone. It happens when it happens. I was 38 when I met my wife, 39 when we got engaged, 40 when we got married. It is the first marriage for both of us.

2nd piece of advice: You have to put yourself out there, socially and emotionally.

Putting yourself out there socially is simply meeting women. Here in the US, there are several cities that have singles clubs. These aren't dating services but are social clubs where singles get together to do things as a group instead of solo. I think this is better than dating services and far better than picking up women in the bars.
Putting yourself out there emotionally means letting the women you meet and date get to know you. No fake info (name, phone #, etc), no avoiding talking about anything.

Good luck.

rightsbot · 2012-11-18T12:44:18+00:00

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BonanzaCreek · 2012-11-18T17:55:06+00:00

There is no way to minimise the risk. Getting married is your choice but once your spouse divorces you don't come back here trying to garner sympathy for yourself. Why would you even want to marry? You can be in a loving relationship without tying a knot around your neck and hoping for the best.

ilovenotohio · 2012-11-18T17:41:48+00:00

Find an Asian woman. From Asia.

subzero_600 · 2012-11-18T19:30:44+00:00

OP, with all due respect you cannot get married without the approval of the government.

I am aware that it is physically possible to start a family without the state/government getting involved, but as soon as your wife picks up the phone or files for divorce it's all over.

Australia seems like a terrible place to be a father legally. It, like most other Anglo countries, is totally hostile to fatherhood.

This is why I don't plan on getting married in Canada. Even if you find a woman who is pro fatherhood and would never divorce you, she still has the option to destroy you. Living with someone with that amount of power over you must be totally humiliating.

Furthermore, a third party (i.e. a Feminist father hater) could accuse you of domestic abuse or something of that sort and you would be SOL. The state, the culture, and the law don't want you to be a father.

Title	Are any men here living a happy, long-term family life?
Author	ratiosuperomnes
Upvotes	10
Comments	29
Date	November 18, 2012 12:42 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13eaau/are_any_men_here_living_a_happy_longterm_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/are-any-men-here-living-a-happy-long-term-family.1008950 https://theredarchive.com/post/1008950

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