People's Reactions to my Recent Interest in MR: I Must Be Sexist

ARedditorCalledQuest · 2012-11-01T07:29:24+00:00

The general public simply has no idea that the concept of equal rights for men even exists, or when they do, they dismiss it as unnecessary. When I look at the current state of the men's rights movement and compare it to where the gay rights movement is today (and how grueling and long the fight took to get it where it is), it's difficult not to despair at the fight ahead.

Chucklebuck · 2012-11-01T10:01:13+00:00

I used to be scared about sharing links and comments from this subreddit on my social networking profiles because of the negative and ignorant stigma I thought I might be subjected to.

I realised that I shouldn't be frightened about sharing the truth nor be ashamed to actively support a good cause I truly believe in shortly afterwards though. I proudly state that I'm an egalitarian and MRA in my Twitter profile now.

2012-11-01T12:57:14+00:00

Instead of being offended and perpetuating a self-fulfilling prophesy, try to think of yourself as an educator. Most people don't understand MR, they aren't aware of the issues -- in fact, the bulk of the problem is that since straight males are seen/defined as the "standard" against which everything else is judged/compared to/etc., they have a very hard time envisioning it. "What could we possibly have to complain about (compared to them)?" is their knee-jerk reaction -- helping them understand should be ours.

Try to be patient and understanding. We need to make friends and spread awareness, not to make enemies and spread the notion that we're angry w/o good reason.

OuiCrudites · 2012-11-01T14:20:00+00:00

I am fairly open in real life about my views, and I have rarely gotten blowback, because I demonstrate that my ultimate goal is for the rights and liberty of all.

It also helps to position statements about men pointing out a double standard. Examples: "imagine if women made up the vast majority of homeless. Wouldn't we be rushing to help them?" or "imagine if this was a male teacher who raped a female student. We'd be screeching for his blood, not giving a lenient sentence." Only freakish man-haters are going to argue against those kinds of things, and those are people we'll never convince anyway.

Chucklebuck · 2012-11-01T08:12:28+00:00

Good luck fighting the good fight. Most idea only take off after a critical mass of people adopt them. This is maybe not how things should work but it seems to be how they do work. We all need to not give up and keep spreading visibility.

Jahonay · 2012-11-01T14:34:39+00:00

People think that rights are a zero sum game. As in, if men get more rights then they're taking those rights away from women.

People don't realize that the fight for men's rights and the fight for women's rights aren't mutually exclusive.

rightsbot · 2012-11-01T06:10:18+00:00

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Shnitzuka · 2012-11-01T16:37:54+00:00

UPDATE:(posting as a comment also because I don't know how reddit works)

I may have misunderstood her comment. She says that feminism is rights for everybody.

I've never heard these issues brought up by feminists but I haven't dug that deep into feminism.

So now it seems she supports Men's Rights but maybe just wanted to let me know that feminism is all-encompassing? Or that feminism is good enough?

Aaod · 2012-11-01T14:10:07+00:00

I am pretty used to this as someone who often has far from main stream viewpoints. I tend to get dismissed out of hand despite the fact I argued my position well. Usually the people don't even read what I am trying to say much less try and understand it and start in with the Ad hominem attacks. Luckily amongst my intellectual friends especially ones that also hold less main stream views they are more accepting of other views even ones that go against their own.

mangoforthewin · 2012-11-01T14:23:06+00:00

Yeah, I got the same reaction from my dad when I was discussing things from this subreddit with him. "Tadhg, I don't hate women, I have 4 daughters and a wife." It frustrated me to no end.

akuta · 2012-11-01T16:19:42+00:00

Don't worry about it. Seriously. I had been interested in parts of the cause and basically found this subreddit by accident. A lot of what I already felt/thought was reinforced by hard statistical data. I showed my SO the subreddit. Within minutes she was subbed and a few days later LadyMRAs started and I pointed it out to her, so she could join that one too.

I had a friend (who is pretty close) make some very sexist statements about men a few months ago. She didn't grasp why I would call her out on it (I did so gently, but did it nonetheless). I pointed out that the converse, having the sexes reversed, would never be accepted in society and that we should not target individuals based on gender. I could see the veil lifted from her eyes. Of course, it didn't change the way she thinks or acts (She's rather set in her own habits) generally, but she has definitely stopped saying sexist things about men around me and my SO.

The TLDR: Those who care enough about us will understand and view it with an open mind.

samarye · 2012-11-01T17:53:51+00:00

I'd guess you're facing two problems: ignorance of the Men's Rights movement and/or exposure to radical MRAs.

A lot of reasonable people don't realize that some of the core men's rights issues are even issues. Sharing information and insights with these people will help them understand why you consider yourself a supporter of men's rights.

Other equally reasonable people may have seen news articles about men's rights ads being banned or this subreddit being labeled a hate site. They may have googled "men's rights" at some point and ended up on one of the blatanly misogynistic and/or otherwise unreasonable "radical" sites out there. Exposing these people to more moderate men's rights discussions and clarifying where you stand can help these people understand why you consider yourself a supporter of men's rights.

phukka · 2012-11-01T19:08:47+00:00

My mother told me last night, as I drove her around for Halloween (as she was completely plastered and knew that I didn't want to go out and don't drink) admitted to me that both her and a friend of mine (her co-worker) both strongly believe that I hate women. Like, full-on woman hater. Why? Because I advocate for men's rights. No amount of posturing or explanation could convince her otherwise. It's unfortunate, because her and that friend are the only two people whose opinions I actually value. Out of everyone, not just women.

Apparently a popular topic of conversation between them at work is about me and how I can love my mother so obviously, while hating women. Honestly, I didn't even get mad. I was just disappointed.

2012-11-01T18:48:36+00:00

UPDATE: I may have misunderstood her comment. She says that feminism is rights for everybody.

This is the problem about feminism I see today. It is similar to christianity. If you take christianity by principle's it is by all accord something we all agree (e.g. some argue Buddhist was follower of Christ).

But, WHO is setting up the discourse for feminists now?

Just like Christians?

I cannot emphasize enough how these two polar political groups -- the radical feminist and the social conservatives -- are fucking up both Christians and Feminists over and consequently everyone by dominating the political landscape.

Yes, equality for both genders!

Yes, Love your neighbor!

Do either political group practice what they preach when you look at the flow of resources and the speech?

And soon you have the best intended feminist (or Christian) saying the most ignorant statment such as, "Well, men are privileged we don't have to worry about them..."

TL;DR Good intentions is how Hitler got to power too

MaK_Ultra · 2012-11-01T19:43:22+00:00

Don't you think you should change the title of this to: "my ex-girlfriend's reaction to..." You described one persons' reaction. Someone that might be a little biased.

2012-11-01T20:30:50+00:00

Men are often confused with the wealthy elite.

While the Wealthy are often men. It isn't as though the represent men as a group in any substantive way. The wealthy view ALL people as pawns not just women.

The Powerholding Wealthy ≠ All men

JamesRyder · 2012-11-01T20:53:43+00:00

Feminism supports men's rights in the same way that Communism supports equality. In theory it's true, they support men's rights and equality respectively. Where they both fall down is in actually implementing these beliefs.

Every time we get a feminist in here who says they are for equality I think everyone should challenge them to demonstrate that they are willing to put what they say into practice, even if it's something as simple as pointing out to friends who are thinking about kids that circumcision should be the choice of the person.

I bet none of them would actually do it.

2012-11-01T21:01:36+00:00

How does feminism mean rights for everyone if it focuses on one gender only? I can't respect or even take seriously these dogmatic claims about feminism, such as feminism being for everyone or that one must be a feminist to be a decent person.

giegerwasright · 2012-11-01T23:26:33+00:00

"Trans-Men" are sexists. They are women with a one dimensional and superficial idea of what a man is and they think that the grass is greener on that side. Its gender based black face. That is all. So youay want to show that friend the dictionary entry for the word "hypocrite".

actanonverba8 · 2012-11-02T06:09:13+00:00

As far as feminism is a female supremacist movement. I go by how things work in the real world, not what people say or the fact there are a small minority of exceptions.

As far as your intestest in Men's Rights: Should you continue speaking up about men's rights, the normal response you will get from everyday people is they will use shaming language, ridicule you, try to make you feel guilty, try to destroy your reputation, and possibly try to get your ostracized or damage your status at school or work. It's not going to be easy but that's the truth. You can find allies. You can pick your battles. But, I'm just giving you the cold facts because you should be informed of what you're getting yourself into.

Best wishes.

Title	People's Reactions to my Recent Interest in MR: I Must Be Sexist
Author	Shnitzuka
Upvotes	116
Comments	76
Date	November 1, 2012 6:09 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/12g2hw/peoples_reactions_to_my_recent_interest_in_mr_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/peoples-reactions-to-my-recent-interest-in-mr-i.1010131 https://theredarchive.com/post/1010131

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