Ask Men's Rights: ex-wife may be doing drugs with her new boyfriend and keeps hitting me up for more money, threatens to go back to court for more child support

Peter_Principle_ · 2011-09-16T23:47:23+00:00

A PI and lawyer consult might be expensive, but imagine how much you'll pay if your CS is doubled. 1100 now, goes up to 2200, that's 1100x12 extra per year. How old is your kid? Their age minus 22 or 23 (then times 1100) is potentially the cost of just rolling with her fucking bullshit.

What state do you live in? It sounds a bit like she's blackmailing you for money. Check your state laws on blackmail and laws on taping conversations, then consult your lawyer.

Also might want to look for dad's rights organizations in your area. Maybe you can find a father's rights advocate who can further advise you, if e.g. you want to try to go at it pro se.

womblefish · 2011-09-16T23:54:38+00:00

I'm not sure if this would work, but it might be worth you investigating it....

As you know the court can order a hair follicle drug test, which uses a hair sample to test for drug use. Depending on the length of hair, you can sometimes test for drug use as far as 2-3 years previously.

Now the odds of actually getting the court to make your ex take a drug test are pretty damn small, and it'd cause all sorts of problems between you. But you can get hair follicle testing done privately, it costs a few hundred dollars.

Here's what I'm thinking... get your kids tested.

I don't know how old your kids are, but if they've been in the room while mommy was smoking her special cigarettes, they'll be breathing in second hand smoke and getting it in their hair. You can also get urine testing done for about $40, its more sensitive but only goes back a week.

Imagine if you went to court with proof that your kids have illegal drugs in their system.

As for the PI. Find out how much a basic background check would cost, the main thing you want to know is whether this guy has previous convictions for drug use etc.

2011-09-16T23:23:54+00:00

Go see your lawyer and ask him for advice.

Document everything.

hardwarequestions · 2011-09-16T23:24:55+00:00

op...DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! come on bud, this is straightforward. use a tape recorder to record her asking for money or at least note it in a journal you can point to later in court. it's your only chance.

rantgrrl · 2011-09-17T06:36:30+00:00

For the sake of your kids(remember them?) not your fucking money, hire a PI to investigate your wife and her boyfriend.

asssphynctor · 2011-09-17T03:03:16+00:00

If you have to spend the money one way or another, hire a lawyer and sue for custody. If you think you can't get 100% custody sue for 50%

2011-09-16T23:46:59+00:00

Lawyer up.

Perhaps you could hire a PI to get evidence of their drug use, maybe pull up some records on the guy shes with.

When you finally have evidence of her doing drugs in front of the kids or something equally heinous, take her sorry ass back to court and make sure she never gets to use your kids against you anymore.

chavelah · 2011-09-17T12:55:48+00:00

I would START by informing her that you are recording all conversations, and then do that. You want her to stop asking you for extra money, and to hesitate a lot about taking you back to court, because you'll need all the money and all the time you can finagle in order to pay your lawyer and your PI and give them time to build a case. Which, as rantgrrl says, you'll be doing for the safety of your KIDS, and not to avoid paying the state-mandated child support maximum.

The best, best, best thing for you is if your ex-wife is apprehended by the cops while in possession of hard drugs. I recently had a foster kid who was removed, despite no prior history with child services, in just such a circumstance. He's in my playroom right now, here for a visit, but he was placed long-term with kin and WOULD have been placed with his father if his father could have passed any kind of background check.

It is, of course, possible that your ex-wife is simply hanging out with a squirrely-looking dude and has realized that you don't pay what the state formula dictates in terms of child support. If your PI comes up empty, my first suggestion would be to step and offer to cover some extracurriculars directly (dance, soccer, whatever), in addition to the support money, and to also handle the logistics of transporting the kids to these activities. You'll know your money is being spent on the kids, AND you start seeing them during the week, and my friend, they NEED to see you during the week.

ignatiusloyola · 2011-09-17T02:59:31+00:00

If you have the time, try doing the PI work yourself?

Nonyabiness · 2011-09-17T04:33:52+00:00

Record all of the things!

hardwarequestions · 2011-09-16T23:15:44+00:00

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