Why do men neg? Is this negging?

hotarubi_1 · 2021-01-01T12:32:01+00:00

I actually had a discussion with two male family members recently about why men neg. They told me that it's a power play that men use to make women feel less than the man.

Typically, women go for men who they perceive has value to them or who is better than another option. When a man negs a woman, even if he has no qualities that she would usually go for, in her mind it places him in a position of superiority and she craves his approval/acceptance and starts doing "pick-me stuff" to win that.

It's basically lowering the woman's self-esteem to make her more accessible to a LVM. As awful as it sounds, they also told me that it works, especially on women with self-worth issues and those who lacked male validation growing up.

And yes, it most definitely sounds like negging!

onlyrhetorical · 2021-01-01T11:34:33+00:00

Men act childish all the time. For me, it sounds like he subconsciously knows you will reject him, so, he plays up this act in front of the group to seem like he is the one rejecting not the other way around to assert his "dominance". This adds up with his behaviour when you are alone or when tipsy. Basically, he has low self-esteem, knows you are out of his league and that he has no shot with you, and tries to make up for it by projecting his self-hatred onto you.
As for what to do in this situation, it's up to you. I would go no contact/ no emotion with him and I would look at how the group reacts to his antics to decide whether to continue a friendship with them. If they act blind to him being rude to you and don't call him out, I would cut them off too.
Most importantly, don't react to what he is saying, don't bicker, don't ask him to change, don't show that his words got to you. Negative attention is still attention and that is the only attention this guy can get from you, so, he will keep being rude if you give him that. Ignoring him/ going no contact is the best course of action.
Well, at least, that's my read on this situation, hoping other ladies can share their opinions as well. Hope it helped at least a little bit.

2021-01-01T17:07:50+00:00

There are two reasons that I have noticed for negging and it’s based on a man’s intent.

When an insult is a subtle backhanded compliment then it’s to bring your confidence down. (It’s great that you have a degree but can you cook)
When it is constant, obvious and completely random they are begging for attention like a child. (Im not coming because she’s so annoying haha)

Your Romeo is #2. He has the maturity and emotional IQ of a grilled cheese sandwich and has piss poor social skills. He never grew out of the phase of bullying his crush in elementary school to get her attention. You’re so annoying, you’re so dumb, please notice me, I love you.

Cat_With_The_Fur · 2021-01-01T12:47:17+00:00

These are the same dudes that put gum in your hair in elementary school. They think any attention is good attention.

monnaamis · 2021-01-01T12:27:45+00:00

There are several options.

Either he doesn't know how to flirt and thinks this is just banter but is taking it way too far.

Or he is trying to break down your confidence and self worth so that you'll appreciate when he does flirt with you because he has beaten you down to think you're unlovable and you'll be grateful that a man(him) is interested. Glad to see it's not working.

How do your other friends react? Don't they call him out for being so rude?

2021-01-01T11:33:03+00:00

I think they negs us so that they can have access to our thinking.

It's like pulling us into something not familiar to us or something that we feel that we need to do.

periotd · 2021-01-01T11:56:14+00:00

Lol that's middle school mentality. My bully actually had a crush on me. He made fun of me, like calling me ugly in my face, pushed me around than had the audacity to ask me to Middle School prom and he was actually disappointed.

I had a crush on my classmate in high school but was too shy toeven talk to him. By the end of HS he sat and talked with me but called me ugly when his friends would ask him if he liked me. After a while we danced on a birthday party and he offered me to sit on his shoulders (that's a thing here lol on parties).

So yeah, I experienced this more than one time.

Title	Why do men neg? Is this negging?
Author	luceario
Upvotes	109
Comments	10
Date	January 1, 2021 10:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/ko9b92/why_do_men_neg_is_this_negging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/why-do-men-neg-is-this-negging.1059892 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059892

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