Fempathy: a characteristic of women who only care about men's problems when they negatively affect women

Nath43673 · 2020-07-28T06:06:57+00:00

Call out this habit directly when you do any kind of awareness or fund raising for men's health and other issues, such as through Movember. Don't necessarily make it the main message, but add it to a list of "things you can do".

eg. "no. 5: Recognise men and men's work as a good for its own sake. Resist the common urge to see solving men's problems as a means to making things better for women and children."

ProfessorChuckFinley · 2020-07-28T05:44:48+00:00

It can be subsumed under the term 'misandry' or more specifically 'gynocentrism.'

Enzi42 · 2020-07-28T09:53:40+00:00

I honestly think calling it out in men and women is enough. It puts the person on the defensive yes, but that opens them up to a rational discussion of why making a man’s issue about how women are affected is selfish and comes off as pretty cold and grasping.

I actually believe most feminists will have an intellectual understanding of this point since I have seen them become angry when “think about your wife/daughter/female relative” is used to motivate men to care about women’s issues. They say that women should be cared about in their own right, not for their relationship to a man. So I think a similar position would resonate.

Now whether they choose to ignore it and continue forward is another issue. Frankly I think that they will brush it off. Feminists are Team Woman and won’t consider anything else. Men’s issues that benefit TW will always take precedence over ones that are neutral or even require some sort of takeaway on their part.

Now with that said:

Normally I have no patience for “we have to be better than them” rhetoric, but I would heavily discourage the usage of this term right out of the gate.

The issue you bring up is more than legitimate; it’s a major problem that I’ve even seen r/Menslib of all places discuss. But using a gender’s name to give titles to a bad behavior is an extremely high level of pettiness on the level of “mansplaining” and its siblings.

We are better than that and I want to see more spoken of on this topic but without the name attached no matter how catchy it cathartic it feels to say/type.

SlendyWomboCombo · 2020-07-28T11:55:30+00:00

This is actually how I learned about men's issues. I had already known about the struggles of women and how men hurt them. So, I wanted to find out why men hurt women and I found out that it's not that simple. The same men that hurt other people hurt themselves also. I've also learned that society hurts men by showing them less empathy. We need to realize that society built these people and it is society's fault for them being like this. If they have low empathy then it's bc they were shown low empathy. This is also why I don't consider myself a feminist anymore. A lot of feminist don't see that women partake in harmful behavior too. And if they do see it they blame it on the patriarchy or toxic masculinity. They simply don't want accountability for anything bad going on.

petrol_sexual · 2020-07-28T13:04:50+00:00

You're asking to get sympathy for men from people that believe men have all the advantage and couldn't possibly have any disadvantage, and therefore no need of sympathy. Even calling it out you're just going to look like an "incel" or some other BS insult.

feedbackblasting · 2020-07-28T13:12:14+00:00

I think this point exactly is what will drive our leaders in government and education to finally stop ignoring the boys education gap and the enormous disproportionate emphasis on the achievement of girls. Women already represent 60% of college grads, young women in their 20s are out earning their male counterparts and also have a huge advantage in first time home ownership. This is leading to a deficit of "lack of marriageable men" because, overwhelmingly, women do not want to date down.

So that that it's impacting women, I predict you will finally see some action with attempts at actually helping boys do better vs. than the usual scolding and shaming of boys we've seen up until this point.

adam-l · 2020-07-28T09:50:45+00:00

No point arguing with feminists. Their misandry is installed in the limbic level, so reason doesn't reach it. Arguing only makes sense when there are viewers, and you want to expose them.

Jaffacakes-and-Jesus · 2020-07-28T12:29:45+00:00

I just straight up say that what I am hearing is that the reason I've wanted to kill myself on and off for more than the last decade is because I hate women so much I'd rather die than be seen to be like them. Then I explain that I don't consider this to be mental healthcare or a form of compassion or permission to be vulnerable - that it is at best insulting at worst actively gaslighting. Most feminist genuinely care about men but have inherited a very shaky model for explaining gender roles and their costs which claims that they derive from a male desire to control, exploit and be superior to women. That is, women are socialised to be controllable, which comes with obvious costs, and men are socialised to be different than women and able to control them, which allegedly turns us into emotionally illiterate brutes. In actual fact, gender roles have derived from survival pressures and have involved women being safe (that is, inside with substantial restrictions on their public agency) and men being disposable (though with a lot more public opportunities but no right to be vulnerable). That is a much more constructive place to start from.

GalileosTele · 2020-07-28T05:31:35+00:00

Academic feminists are often against male circumcision. Why? Because, they say, if it is legal it will make it more difficult to argue against female circumcision.

FightHateWithLove · 2020-07-28T13:36:21+00:00

Y'all realize women want men to show emotions

Citation needed.

HistoryHobbyist · 2020-07-28T22:53:26+00:00

I also think this term applies to those feminists that only care about men’s problems when it’s related to them acting feminine.

CoffeehasSentience · 2020-07-29T03:24:04+00:00

This is assuming they are feminists (which, funnily enough in my experience, is harder than non-feminist women who aren't for equality).

First, you have to avoid being a lot of things they assume you are when you bring these things up, if they suspect or know you are one of these things, they will invalidate your feelings and assume other intentions.

Things like:

a) being right-wing

b) uninteresting to women (i.e. women not liking you)

c) someone who likes black humour (this can be seen as disliking feminism because you are too lazy to change the way you express yourself and justify being shitty with humor)

d) not well-read in feminism. You better learn what they mean with toxic masculinity, intersectionalism, the womanist movement (which even a lot of feminists don't know themselves in my experience), consent, emotional labour, mansplaining (and explaining how of a thought-terminating cliche and kafka trap it is, but being honest I haven't had to do this yet), glass ceiling, male as default, etc. One misused term and they'll invalidate everything or most you have to say.

e) never be seen doing or saying something either sexist or creepy

And then I assume you can talk with them.

Title	Fempathy: a characteristic of women who only care about men's problems when they negatively affect women
Author	funnystor
Upvotes	96
Comments	39
Date	July 28, 2020 4:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/hz8bt3/fempathy_a_characteristic_of_women_who_only_care/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/fempathy-a-characteristic-of-women-who-only-care.1063059 https://theredarchive.com/post/1063059

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