What is he thinking? Is this selfish?

girlwithasidecar · 2021-09-28T05:02:10+00:00

It sounds like you made a unilateral decision, yes?

This is an area where feminism and RPW sort of agree. You really should have involved him in the decision making process.

I understand that you are pregnant and stressed with the load on your plate, but why didn't you talk to him first? Are there other problems in your relationship? Do you not trust him to have your back if you told him preemptively that you needed help?

The trad cons here will tell you that you shouldn't have to work and he's a big meanie but you handled this all wrong. Why didn't you trust him? To my mind that is the heart of the issue. No trust, no respect, no relationship.

CountTheBees · 2021-09-28T03:27:04+00:00

What was his alternative plan, in response to you feeling tired and dropping grades? Did you consult him about either quitting the job or dropping the study, or priorities? What happened in your previous pregnancies, how did you balance work/pregancy then, and what were his thoughts on that?

Inside_Ad_7292 · 2021-09-28T23:29:38+00:00

So, if you're already feeling overwhelmed with life, why are you having another baby right now? I'm sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed and I totally understand why: kids+school+work+pregnancy sounds really difficult to juggle. But in this day and age getting pregnant is a choice, unless by some crazy happenstance your BC failed (been there, currently two weeks out from a due date when I had an IUD in at conception.... like wtf). To me, it sounds like you guys chose to get pregnant, or at least chose to not do anything to prevent it from happening, in the middle of a very hectic time in your life, and now you're somehow both shocked that you need to decompress. I agree that you probably needed to step away, but I also can see why your husband would be upset that you guys are going to see a decrease in income while you're paying for two kids plus getting ready for a third and preparing for you to graduate from school, which likely means starting to pay back loans within the next six months to a year. You sprang this decision on him last minute, and then totally ignored his opinion when you asked for it. That's pretty disrespectful. You guys need to get on the same page, because it sounds like neither of you actually thought about how to realistically handle this situation before it became too much, and you are both obviously incapable of seeing things from the POV of the other person. I suggest you have a sit-down discussion about what you expect from one another, financially and otherwise. Your kids are depending on you to be a team and to cooperate with each other and show them what a functional relationship with good communication skills looks like. Actually listen to him and respect his wants/needs. I get it, sometimes its really hard to give someone what they need from you and you don't want to do it. Right now, I'm on the verge of giving birth, and I'm having to do a lot for my husband while we both work full time and he's going through his master's program and doing extracurriculars to help pay for his tuition. I do NOT want to be doing all of the housework, all of the cooking, all of the errands, etc. It's really hard. But you need to understand that your needs are not the only ones that matter, even if you're pregnant. I really hope you guys can find a solution that you are both happy with, and I wish you guys and your family the best.

softrevolution_ · 2021-09-28T02:52:23+00:00

A feminist would understand that growing a whole human (something he cannot do) is a spectacularly taxing job in and of itself, and the fact that you're now doing it for the third time in four years is pretty badass.

You're probably saving a whole salary's worth of childcare expenses. Instead of paying someone else to raise your kids, they get to have one of their own parents! Is that not worth it to him?

I'm with you all the way. Let's see if he'll wake up to the good sense arguments for you subbing instead of teaching full-time.

Teacup000 · 2021-09-28T15:03:36+00:00

I don't think that your decision to switch to substitute teaching is selfish, as it's a decision that benefits you, your third baby, and your other two babies (by having you around more).

It seems to me that your husband is being selfish by wanting you to stay working full time, provided your finances would be okay with your switching to part time work but saving the childcare money. It seems like it's a decision that only benefits him, but perhaps he just isn't explaining his reasoning well.

Regardless, you have an unhappy partner, and that's not good. It sounds like he may be unhappy at his job, and if you're open to moving, it may be worth listening to him to see if searching for a new position is in order. You could also see about you working full-time and him being a stay at home dad after your MBA. It sounds like he's resentful of you seemingly having more options than him. Reminding him of the options he does have may help.

It's silly he says you get to quit - you don't. You're just spending more time at home with the kids (which is still quite a bit of work!).

You could also perhaps call your OB and see if they back you up? Fatigue is super common in first trimester. It's important to remember your pregnant body works harder at rest than your regular body does when exercising.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2021-09-28T16:29:13+00:00

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uniq0rn_qlitter · 2021-09-28T03:51:12+00:00

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aslanhatessmeagol · 2021-09-29T06:00:04+00:00

If he is sick and want a break,would you be okay with that?

I think he should understand that you need a break.I think he is worried about his financial situation.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2021-09-29T02:57:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	What is he thinking? Is this selfish?
Author	uniq0rn_qlitter
Upvotes	19
Comments	36
Date	September 28, 2021 2:44 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwwu2o/what_is_he_thinking_is_this_selfish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-he-thinking-is-this-selfish.1073854 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073854

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