TL:DR - You believe her unhappiness is situational and solvable, but it is actually intrinsic misery, which can only be fixed by finding true abundance within.

She's never happy

It's the greatest, deadliest weapon in the female armoury.

One that has emasculated and betaized billions of men, and destroyed billions of relationships. The dreaded "I'm not happy!"

If you haven't experienced it at least once in your life, you probably wouldn't be here. Yes, it's the problem you're going to face sooner or later in your relationships -- she's not happy. She's gonna blame you, guilt trip or shame you -- you feel inadequate.

Go to YouTube or read any news article - women at every age, every stage of life, in every situation all over the world complain "I'm not happy!" And of course "It's all men's fault!"

Strong, independent, empowered, victims!

You know the usual drill - you talk it out, give up the gym, help out with the chores more, do what she says, you try "Communication" (cough, cough), maybe give up those hobbies and passions of yours, maybe propose marriage, get into deep debt to buy that diamond ring, or work two jobs to buy that house, do the blue pill remedies to try and make her happy.

And none of it worked. Now she's unhapppy about the new situation. And the sex and attraction....don't ask.

And wait. It's getting worse. Now she nitpicks at you for every single thing - no matter what you do, no matter how much you wipe her shoes, you're never good enough. Your fate ends in one of the following ways - you live a loveless relationship devoid of respect, or you get cheated on (and maybe find out it started right when she started complaining she's not happy) or you get dumped or much worse, divorced.

Of course, here and on mrp you will of course have to face yourself and see just how much you've contributed to the situation, but there's one subtlety that is rarely spoken about, the devil in the room -- intrinsic misery

Misery comes in two forms - situational (solvable), and intrinsic (chronic)

Situational miseries are caused by problems that arise purely out of a particular situation. Once identified, the problem can be fixed, the situation may be changed and with that, whatever that made you unhappy is gone and you're back to your good old self. Situational miseries are temporary, fixable, and come and go.

Intrinsic misery is a whole other game. It arises because of deep seated patterns of negative thinking and feeling, and fundamentally a continuous dissatisfaction and unease with the present moment. It is a lack of honest acceptance and a failure to work through the moment, a constant need to escape elsewhere, fueled by feelings of chronic fear and feelings of lack and neediness. When misery becomes chronic, it becomes an entity of sorts, slowly altering the way you think, feel and even your body chemistry. Think of it as something that wants to survive and grow, and create more misery in some form of the other. It's a void, a black hole within you that eats you away until you are willing to honestly face it for real.

The biggest lie women and society have told you is that their misery is situational, when it is really intrinsic

This is the basis of most Blue Pilled behavior in us, because we as men are natural problem solvers. We assume by default (and also based on what she says), that the problem is situational and can be fixed by the usual means. What we fail to realize is that misery in women is often far more intrinsic and chronic. And even if it didn't start that way, it goes there soon enough.

Intrinsic misery is caused by something feeling a perpetual lack within oneself. A good test is to take a look at people who seemingly have it all, but are unhappier than ever before. Such people do not possess abundance within themselves. They are extremely needy, get into one sided relationships where they demand it all, but offer little, even to themselves.

Whatever we do not find within ourselves is exactly what we expect others to fill from the outside. We love for our needs - sexual, emotional, companionship, chores, our dreams.

Love that is born out of pure neediness with no element of devotion anywhere is not really loving the other person at all, but just using them to love oneself. We say "I love you", but in reality it's a giant covert contract where the real T&C is "I actually love me".

The most fundamental RP truth is that for the above reason, most love is actually fundamentally dishonest -- and that not only explains most of the behaviour we see, that's also why such "love" will never survive the truth down the road. It didn't become dishonest when you were cheated on, or made into an orbiter - it was dishonest from the very first moment, the whole time. Eventually the truth just came out.

Combined with a sense of narcissism, the fine print is "I am entitled to feel complete, but since I can't find abundance within, or offer it, YOU are going to make me feel complete. Or else my neediness will show its real face".

In the beginning, the intrinsically miserable person may find themselves over the moon when they fall in love as something (mostly your own hormones) happened to make you forget your constant sense of lack and feel complete -- an escape from the boring reality you've been longing for. However, romance is like a flower and truth is the root of love. Eventually the truth must take root, and that will decide if love lasts or not. Reality soon ensues, and soon your old patterns of pain and resistance to reality are going to come out.

At that point, we all have a choice to look at ourselves and identify the real problem, but most people, especially women, do not. Soon she blames the situation, kids, hormones, your job, the way you do chores, everything on the outside. As the neediness and narcissism emerge, she becomes contemptuous of your failure to make her feel complete. Eventually the misery drives her to a pattern of destructive behavior where she sabotages the relationship and leaves a wrecked man and home one way or another.

You can read many stories like this on other reddits, and on many YT videos dedicated for men these days (SSM, 33 secrets, Better Bachelor, Enterpreneurs in Cars, etc. There're way too many now). Often these women are extremely privileged, life a seemingly perfect life, and yet they destroy it all and then sleep in the bed of misery they've made for themselves. And even therapy can't tell them why.

Inner misery thrives on the pleasure-pain cycle

Pleasure and pain are in fact the two sides of the same coin -- the two faces of intrinsic, chronic, misery. Pleasure is the nice looking side, pain the overtly horrible looking one. Inner misery utilizes first one, then the other -- and it works both ways.

As an example of pleasure followed by pain, look at the story of Rich Roll (Finding Ultra) - the alcohol first made him feel super good for a while, then it leaves him empty and sick in the morning, and the way these addictions affect your brain is -- they target the parts responsible for feeling hunger and pleasure and create a craving for more. He was able to quit it for good only after clearing the deep seated pain within himself.

As an example of pain followed by pleasure, it's when people may suffer a traumatic event of some sort in their life, and then try to hide or numb the pain - for which food, alcohol, drugs, porn, etc. may temporarily suffice. Another example is the women who have it all, but still feel mysteriously unsatisfied. They then start acting out that misery, increasingly getting dissatisfied, wrecking their lives and relationships, and then suddenly feeling overwhelming guilt and fear and toxic shame.

People who come with low self esteem and self hate may overcompensate by acting overly bold and reckless and dominating in order to feel empowered and may get a kick of ego looking down on others, or may pursue extreme success or do anything to seek attention to feel worthy and be validated by others. This is an example of pain followed by the pleasure. However such an ego is full of fear and hate within, no matter how confident it looks. Such people often have little to offer beyond flaunting what life can take away very quickly, and when they do fall, their actual inner pain and fear is exposed as pathetic.

Others who start from the pain end might end up doing a lot of destructive stuff to themselves and to others, get a sadistic feeling of pleasure in being convinced and justified in their actions, and then once they snap out and realize what they've done - their inner misery then has a field day as they drown in the guilt and misery they've created, hating themselves with toxic shame, and then seeking yet another pleasure outlet by drinking, trying to harm oneself and then enjoying the pain that comes after the chemical cocktail wears off and filling you with even more guilt for the next round.

Either way, it is only inner misery that's having a field day, growing within, using the P-P cycle endlessly to keep itself alive and stopping you from living the life you were actually meant to be.

Intrinsic Misery is always seeking elsewhere

For ever never here, always rejecting this, forever seeking fulfilment elsewhere is another defining characteristic of deep inner misery. This doesn't arise out of any actual need that's based in reality. It's perpetual dissatisfaction, an addiction to seeking that never allows a stable foundation that can be trusted. You can give it the entire universe, and it will still seek that elusive something that it can't ever put its finger on.

Plenty of rationalizations and justifications can and will be given. Often they find the next hot romantic partner that seems to have made them complete and desired and young again, only to find the same frustrations appearing after some amount of time has passed. Intrinsic misery seeks and seeks and seeks, but never finds.

The grass always looks green on the other side, even if its the same grass on this side. As a result, deeply miserable people will never be able to build relationships of any kind of depth. They will always be seeking the next thrill, the next man or woman, the next happily ever after ending that never comes.

For the simple reason that it was never there, but here.

Intrinsic Misery will drive you to self sabotage

This type of chronic pain also revels in deep rooted feelings of unworthiness and undeserving of the good abundant things in life. It will then drive you to self sabotaging behaviors, negative belief systems and bad habits, keeping you stuck in destructive patterns and feeding on the misery that ensues as your life falls apart. Your health, career, relationships, finances, integrity and your internal state will all be progressively wrecked by it, and then it enjoys watching you suffer. The only thing intrinsic misery wants is more pain.

Whichever end it begins from, in the long run, intrinsic misery will, WILL destroy your life. The truth of your life is the proof of whether you're really happy or really miserable. Your deepest inner state at your point of origin is what reflects outwardly in your life, and your deeds the witness to your state of being.

Outside situations can trigger misery, which then becomes chronic. But fixing the situation won't fix inner pain

Women are half right -- it is possible that situations that exhausted or traumatized them could have affected the way they felt about themselves and you and their relationships. The problem is, in women, misery becomes chronic with ease. And it's certainly not helped by the fact that women have a certain collective consciousness of a herd mind that loves company and a poor sense of personal agency and accountability.

That is why fixing the situation fails more often than not -- the problem is now within. And it is going to find a way to make itself miserable in any situation once it goes that deep. You fix the situation, she'll find a new reason to get upset about.

Intrinsic misery will reduce you to a fraction of the man you can be and suck you in to her misery

Fear, control, misery, toxic shame -- these things are just sapping the life out of you. And it will betaize you into making you do what it wants to keep itself numb to its own pain. Using every dirty trick in the book, intrinsic misery stops you from living fully. In the end you will be reduced to far less than what you were before, which in turn kills the attraction even further. You will be miserable living in the shadow of her misery, and that is what the pain body wants, to spread the virus of chronic pain and fear and misery.

Deadly mental illnesses are advanced forms of intrinsic misery crystallized in the body

Even a normal person is suffering within to some extent. Just as the best way to be healthy is prevention and not cure, so too it is for the mind. Extremely developed forms of intrinsic misery have gone beyond the mind and actually altered the physical brain and body, the way some people are wired --- so the anger problems, Narcissism, Psychopathy, the Bipolar Disorder, Paranoid, Schizophrenia, Suicidal Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc etc... by the time you get this far, it is now physically living within these people.

Your best bet is never to get into a relationship with crazy. Or else get out before its too late.

Intrinsic misery runs on patterns that show up all the time

There is a saying that insanity is doing the same things the same way and expecting different results.

Everything that you call as "You" is made up of familiar patterns.

Patterns arise due to memory, and memory drives us into repetitive and rather predictable patterns of behaviour in our relationship. Take damaged women as an example. They keep getting into abusive relationships. Or Nice Guys. Or the Abusers. Many who were abused young end up becoming abusers themselves. Sometimes anger problems and depression run in the genes much like diabetes and heart problems. For better or worse, we seek partners who were similar in many ways to our family growing up.

The emotional mind runs on patterns. The body runs on genetic patterns and muscle memory. Your actions run on habit. 99% of all the thousands of thoughts and compulsions that cross your mind are repetitive junk.

It is also why chronically unhappy relationships often run on the same patterns of "She's not happy". It's why AWALT is even a thing. It's why her past matters, no matter how much she says she's over it. It's why we say one thing, but default to doing what we always do.

In boot camp, there's a term called "Getting smoked". Women have their own version of it for men they don't like

I think the term "Getting Smoked" should be added to the RP glossary, seriously. It's more insidious than shaming tactics.

Ok, for those who don't know and didn't google, it's the ways in which Drill Sergeants in the military keep finding ever new ways to keep punishing you into compliance to break you down. Your DS will find any and every reason to punish you, for those who've been there and seen it. Look up videos on YT and read the comments - they're hilarious in hindsight reads. It's deliberate. They find something wrong all the time, just to find an excuse to make the class pay. Sometimes they'll even do it if nothing was wrong, because they were unhappy they couldn't find someone to punish you know, so you didn't let them do their job...

Sounds familiar? Guess what? Women also use this tactic, more subconsciously, driven by how they feel about you, and much more venomously in relationships. She's never happy and always finds something wrong with you? Well once you've taken a hard look at yourself and eliminated the worst of your sins, maybe you should consider the possibility that you're getting smoked.

If you ever get smoked by a woman all the time, feel free to assume her hate for you is now chronic and intrinsic and it's only a matter of time. It is seldom wrong. My BPD ex made my very existence an infraction. I was apologizing for things that never needed an apology and didn't know it then. No DS in their right mind is anything close to the toxic hate of a woman you're close to.

Compare women who're never happy to spoiled entitled kids

Children who respect and love their parents aren't entitled spoiled brats who always complain about what their parents couldn't provide. The entitled egoistic ones are often needy, intrinsically miserable and never happy no matter how much their parents do or sacrifice for them. But the children who're closest to their parents are those who were set healthy boundaries, understood and accepted their families for who they were, were grateful for whatever they got and loved them beyond those limitations and went beyond neediness to actually reciprocate the love with their own actions. That is completely unknown to the entitled brats.

This kind of love only flows in the direction of giving and needs abundance as a point of origin. No amount of entitlement is going to bring about love and no amount of endless consuming is ever going to give you the satisfaction of a true producer mentality.

In other words, it's your frame, how you choose to interpret and respond to what happens to you, that decides how happy you will be, and what you will do with your life, far beyond external factors.

Even after we grow up, this entitlement borne out of neediness can still persist in relationships, with very similar patterns. It's often the partner, the boyfriend, the husband, or even the kids. I mean what's the difference between mom and mother in law? Abundance vs neediness.

The reason I compare women to children is rather obvious. Both are emotion driven and often the emotional patterns can be very similar, with adults adding additional complexities and dimensions, but still the emotional mind runs on pretty much the same principles.

Often this neediness isn't present in her other relationships, but it has somehow (I'm not surprised though) made it's way into yours. Therefore you'll observe that she has no other issues in any of her other relationships, but somehow there's always something wrong with you alone.

So you're not gonna be able to fix her by fueling her entitlements or trying to fix her or trying to fix the situation men. The only solution is for her to fix her frame find abundance within herself and get out of her toxic chronic emotional patterns. Left to herself, doing what she says, trying to please her miserable patterns, she'll just grow her misery until it destroys her life and yours.

Recognition of intrinsic misery is the beginning of its end, and the beginning of freedom

Your misery doesn't want to be found out -- exposing it to the truth will snap you out of its grip, give you a choice on how you choose to react to it, and ensure its demise like a fan that's just lost its power supply.

Once you are aware of it, it is like being aware of your breathing. You do have a choice, to escape the repeating pain-pleasure patterns and choose another way, a better way of your own conscious making.

Becoming aware of the problem of intrinsic misery with full honesty, having the courage to face inner pain and recognize it for what it is -- acknowledging that this is indeed your responsibility and that you've been doing this to yourself and playing victim all along -- this is really where transformation begins. The only way out is to own your shit.

This is something I began to observe after reading the Power of Now, and over time I've reached a point where I rarely lose my cool even in traffic or when I'm faced with tough situations or even situations where I have no answers. I've been learning to be grateful for the small things we take for granted -- I'm sure Covid would have taught you that you ought to be grateful for just breathing.

Deep down in your awareness, your intrinsically miserable self is seeking an end

Not that kind of end where you shoot yourself or die of drugs or take a few others with you. Deep down you know that you're more than just a hole of neediness and misery. The call for dying is really a call to come back to life as what you truly were meant to be.

The only kind of death you need is when your intrinsic misery that has become you is exposed and recognized for what it is and meets a natural end in the light of your abundance. There is no need to try the tragic stuff -- just recognize that the only thing that wants to die is the pain. And that is all you need to come back to life.

Real happiness is about how you are on the inside and what kind of frame you use to handle the outside

I have seen people completely unhappy despite being surrounded by lavish first world privileges that people in poor parts of the world would die for and be grateful for a fraction of such facilities. I have seen many poor places where people are grateful for the smallest things. I have met the happiest smiles in infants and young children, who have nothing but their own joy. Especially infants. They give joy to others without even trying, simply by being blissful themselves. They pull others into their emotional frames just so easily, right?

That is natural state of abundance. It is the very opposite of chronic neediness. Possessing inner wealth that cannot be bought or filled up from the outside.

In contrast, neediness is an addiction - it is never fulfilled, wants more and more while being satisfies less and less and only leaves you more miserable in the end, because that which originates from deep intrinsic pain, only wants more pain and will only create more pain in the end.

It all comes down to how you are on the inside - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And what kind of frame you've being using to face the outside. The people who're never happy live in their own stories in their own heads, never grateful for anything and never having anything of abundance to offer.

When you're faced with intrinsic misery, your road ahead is gonna be hard and the solution only ever lies within you

Face it, you're up against a force of nature that isn't going to be solved by the usual problem solving BP solutions. Even most therapists might refuse to recognize that this kind of deep rooted misery is a thing. But left unchecked, this is going to destroy your hard earned life. She won't really know what she's doing or saying -- and even if she does, if she let it slip down this far, she probably doesn't have the awareness or accountability or the will to face herself. Emotions and patterns are going to trounce logic.

Your only route forward when faced with intrinsic misery is to turn back towards finding abundance within yourself. You must take responsibility for loving and respecting yourself. You must set the emotional frame and set healthy boundaries and not hesitate to call out what is really going on. You must slowly take back your power step by step and reset the point of origin to yourself.

In a way, the entire RP journey to being the best version of yourself, the man you are capable of being, is also a journey out of inner pain. At this point, you know what to do -- bazillions of posts, articles, books, videos and threads here and mrp have already told you all you need to know. And an ounce of experience will teach you a lot more.

Your relationship is either going to be a case of you caving in to her eternally miserable ever changing frame, leaving you like a ball bouncing between two opposite facing walls with "I'M NOT HAPPY" written in big bold letters, or else you take control over yourself.

Then the relationship will either eventually break down into your frame and recover, or it's going to bounce off your frame and end. If she's too keen to sink into darkness, the least you could do is not to let her take you with her. Either you transform it by transforming yourself, or put it out of its misery.

Both aren't the easy way out.

Just as neediness looks to the outside to fill up the hole within itself, abundance looks inward to find the creator within where the world cannot offer it

Your only choice when faced with a powerful case of deep intrinsic misery is to turn back to yourself. Now only you are the solution. Those 12 levels of dread (yeah covert contract) ? Really its 12 stages of reclaiming yourself, going back to the man you were, or becoming that man you weren't ever. You bring the point of origin back to you, build your power, become authentically what you were meant to be.

Think about it, where were we just a few tens of thousands of years ago in the Stone Age? We're not the strongest or the fastest, we don't have the sharpest senses, our infants are helpless. How did we make all this progress? Ok, just a few years ago you were Billy Beta, scorned, dumped, disrespected. How did you turn it around?

We found the creative energy within and brought abundance into our lives where none existed. Neediness and intrinsic misery stop us from knowing who we truly are and what we can do, but once we get out of their grip, everything begins to change. One can very quickly move on to a much better, more conscious, and truly joyful life if one is able to free themselves out of the pain-pleasure cycle.

And if she has any amount of self awareness left, eventually she'll have to realize she needs to get out of neediness, her own pain-pleasure addictions, hold herself accountable, take responsibility for loving herself truthfully, and find some abundance within herself, or else she isn't gonna bring anything positive to the relationship.

As you grow in your power, it is a threat to her patterns of misery and it is indeed the naked uncensored core of pure fear and misery -- what has really been hiding within her that comes out during the main event, when it can't cover itself up any more. If she can't, eventually your own growth will make it clear that a toxic miserable relationship has no more business in your life and is only a liability, and out is the only way, even if it means having to renounce your old life and all you built, behind.