How to handle mistakes in leadership?

anothergoodbook · 2021-11-02T11:09:24+00:00

I let him handle things he said he would handle unless it because dangerous (the brakes on my car need to be fixed - I am very close to just going to get them done).

For example ive asked him to handle the finances (like Laura Doyle suggested in The Surrendered Wife). i handed it entirely over to him. He started off doing a budget app and keeping it updated until the app stopped working on my end (it refreshed and lost all the data). He said he’d take care of it but he didn’t. And I haven’t said a word since. I’ll check in with him if I spend something “over” what we’d normally budget. And that’s it. He’s an adult and if this is how he’d like to manage it, that’s fine :)

It’s hard to say exactly what to do since you’re being a little vague (understandably). So I hope that helped :).

PapiSurane · 2021-11-02T08:59:18+00:00

He is responsible for keeping his word. If he says he is going to do something, then barring unforseeable circumstances, he needs to do it.

420UnexpectedError · 2021-11-02T10:57:29+00:00

Oooof. Keen to let this go and see what the ladies think but my 2 cents is that whatever you asked him to do isn’t something he thinks has high priority or value. It’s also intriguing to me that you would post here but keep the task a mystery. It implies that what you asked of him was in fact relatively minor but that for you it’s the principal that you asked and he agreed. Which, you know, is fine.

If this were me I would do the thing and make it clear that you are doing the thing because he blew you off twice and you’re pissed off about it. You deserve to be respected and open communication is kinda essential to a relationship. He can also tell you how stupid this task was and how he is far too important and busy for this kind of thing. He will also think twice before he agrees to stupid shit he never wanted to do in the first place. So you will talk to each other and that can only be a good thing.

You already gave him a second chance, now you’re just not on the same page and not talking about it. Usually only gets worse from there.

EDIT: Also your replies sound kind of resentful. Like I work full time and he can’t even do this one thing. Again that’s fine, maybe it’s super justified…but it’s also poison for a relationship. Talk to him about it.

banalchenal · 2021-11-02T20:27:51+00:00

I'm sorry, I've been there with an ex and I know how hard it is to hold up your end of the deal when he's not managing his own side. I also find it near impossible to maintain attraction to a man when I feel like I need to do his job on top of my own.

How is he apart from this event? Is he generally a man who keeps his word and can be relied upon? Or is this a common occurrence?

If this is an isolated incident, I would STFU and focus on everything he does get right. We all slip at times. If it's not in his nature to be unreliable, dwelling on it won't change anything.

If it's an ongoing thing, I would put the ball in his court without accusation. Bring him the problem - tell him in plain words that you're stressed over money, and extra stressed that you feel like you're managing it alone. Tell him that it's getting in the way of your ability to unwind and be X for him. Ask him what he would like you to do about this, and then listen without getting defensive.

marceqan · 2021-11-02T08:51:43+00:00

Unpopular opinion on this sub but I would say just do it. You are losing money that is already tight rather than taking over the tasks that you have availability to do? Try to see this from a different perspective- maybe he is also stressed and has too much on his plate, that’s why he forgot. I honestly don’t see how doing something that you are capable of doing (I’m assuming here it’s not like chopping wood or some other super masculine task that you physically wouldn’t handle well) is emasculating - you two are a team! If your baby was sick and you had to be with it all the time, would you feel like a less of a woman if your husband did the dishes that night? It’s all a matter of phrasing I guess. You can say “Honey, I know you have a lot on your plate and I appreciate all that you do to provide for our family, so I think I could take on this responsibility” etc. He might still feel annoyed or emasculated or whatever but the reality is he did fail this time. As long as you don’t dwell on it and bring it up multiple times, I think it should be more than ok to bring this up. We all make mistakes but the point is to learn from them. Setting boundaries and expectations is important, it’s better to have a one time unpleasant conversation about it than build up silent resentment.

pieorstrudel5 · 2021-11-02T14:52:58+00:00

First of all, inflation and shortages are a real issue and a problem I can help you with. I am also saving for a house... So I get it.

To deal with shortages, start by buying a few back ups to everything you use often. Things like ketchup, pancake syrup, olive oil, coffee, boxes of pasta... Whatever. You can wait for a BOGO sale or something. Then after that, every time you open the back up you buy a new one. I spent the last year building up my food supply. I have enough on hand that I would be good for a month.

To deal with inflation.... Go watch Frugal Fit Mom on you tube. She has loads of videos about clearance and discount shopping. I also have started to do think to bulk out a recipe to get one or two extra servings. I made a recipe where it called for a pound of ground beef, but I increased the rest of the recipe by 1/2 (aka if it was a cup of peas I did 1.5 cups of peas) - but I don't increase the beef. Now a recipe that served four serves 6! I also highly recommend the Budget Bytes food blog. Her recipes have been a savior of my bank account for years.

In terms of your partner's leadership problem, unless it's something due to safety. Let him handle it (or not in this case) and let him learn from his mistakes. If he was supposed to pay the power bill and doesn't.... You better believe I would let the lights go out before I said anything. This shows him you want him to lead!! And that he needs to step up. And when he gets that bill paid you make a big deal about it. "Honey thank you so much for paying that electric bill! I appreciate how you hard you work to provide. And that really saved me time so I could focus on some things at home." Or whatever is sincere to you. I thank my partner constantly and I MEAN it. I'm not just blowing smoke up his ass.

I think we as red pill women can forget, we can genuinely reinforce good behavior with our femininity.

SecretFeminine · 2021-11-02T11:19:03+00:00

If I had a nickel for every time I got overwhelmed and forgot something minor. And another for when I forgot something major. If it takes you 5 minutes, just do it. But whether you do it or not, do not nag at him. We have all been there and can all appreciate the value of grace.

WeWearMirrors · 2021-11-02T13:13:11+00:00

It is hard to tell from your post whether you have a legitimate problem or are just overly stressed by talk about inflation in the media. No offense - I guess I'm just thinking about the fact that sometimes, I get over-anxious about things which my husband actually doesn't think are a big deal. Could that be why he isn't doing the five-minute task for you?

Could it be that in general, you need a little more help and support? Looking at your comments, it seems like you might be kind of overwhelmed. Maybe instead of focusing on this one task, you could ask him to take more off of your plate?

Title	How to handle mistakes in leadership?
Author	Sea_Bookkeeper_1533
Upvotes	29
Comments	26
Date	November 2, 2021 6:57 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qkyj0l/how_to_handle_mistakes_in_leadership/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-handle-mistakes-in-leadership.1080458 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080458

Comments