daily interactions with strangers-male and female

DorgeGorn · 2021-11-19T01:20:49+00:00

This paranoia will get to you and create resentment, OP. You can't change your behavior with strangers based on what some other unrelated strangers on the Internet whine about.. They don't speak for anyone but themselves. You know what will demonstrate that you're not a threat? You not harming them. If they're afraid even when you do nothing.. Well, they'll have to learn to deal with their emotions eventually

AdamChap · 2021-11-19T00:57:47+00:00

Yes I feel this but I'm 100% it's because I've read so many articles from women telling us they feel unsafe and reading subreddits like 2X - otherwise I'd just walk around not really thinking about whether I scare people. I mean that sentence sounds stupid when I say it... but according to women it's the case.

I walk around at night and often try to go other directions and beat them in terms of speed so I can end up in front of them. Quite awkward walking down a road behind a woman to find she takes the left you were about to make so now you walk further on and much faster so you can come out on the parallel road ahead of her so it doesn't look like you are following her all along.

The sad reality is that I doubt anyone is even afraid of me. The people who women are afraid of are likely the same people I am afraid of. They have a walk, a sound and a way of presenting themselves that gives you that bad feeling.

Phrossack · 2021-11-19T01:44:40+00:00

Absolutely. I was once trying to cross a large street with some other people on a night when the street was covered in ice. I was slowly shuffling across with a young woman I didn't know shuffling next to me. I didn't look at her and didn't talk to her. She said to me, "Just don't talk to me." I was so caught off guard I didn't have time to say anything.

I constantly hear women talk about how men are horrible monsters out to get them, and often they have anecdotes about men who really were out to get them. I desperately don't want to be seen as one of them and go out of my way to seem polite but distant with women. Things like this really reinforce the conviction most of them really can't stand men and so I try to minimize contact more to minimize conflict, but dammit, I am not a monster.

a-man-from-earth · 2021-11-19T01:12:29+00:00

I just look at them confidently and smile, or just ignore them. It's not my business to walk faster or slower or feel uncomfortable about strangers.

Sudden_Example_2177 · 2021-11-19T01:17:52+00:00

This is dumb. Can you imagine a black person going "If I'm walking alone at night, I cross the street to make white people feel safer?"

If you change men for any other demographic, this would be seen as incredibly bigoted and hateful. Jews don't change for anti-semites, Men shouldn't change for feminists.

Women saying they don't feel safe around men is no different from a person saying they don't feel safe around gay people or Asians or Muslims yet our society will lecture you about bigotry against those groups but not about men. It's unfair and it's the literal definition of inequality yet it persists in our society and is seen as acceptable.

It's disgusting.

peanutbutterjams · 2021-11-19T02:13:19+00:00

That really sucks man. It sounds like you may have some light social anxiety and it's being exacerbated by a society's dim view of men.

You have a right to be in public so focus on that right to the exclusion of (nearly) all else.

Also remember that strangers almost assuredly aren't thinking about you and if they are that's a Them problem, not a You problem.

Hope that helps.

djblackprince · 2021-11-19T01:45:48+00:00

I smile and nod at everyone I walk past, if they don't like it that's on them.

Algoresball · 2021-11-19T02:04:14+00:00

Absolutely. I’ve decided that I’m not going to inconvenience myself anymore. I’m not a threat to anyone, I wouldn’t hurt a fly snd I’m not going to go out of my way to accommodate someone’s wrong assumptions about me

TintelFroot · 2021-11-19T07:31:48+00:00

I do, not because of their feelings but because I don’t want the cops called on me.

momoburger-chan · 2021-11-18T23:52:49+00:00

I feel fukn weird passing anyone on the street. Do I look at them? Do I smile? Do I say sorry for no reason? And then I just continue to look at the ground. Being around people is a chore.

As a woman, as long as a guy isn't following me at night, idgaf and just look at the ground. I think that's what most people do.

Fluffycoat11 · 2021-11-19T15:04:43+00:00

I used to this then I realized I just don’t give a fuck anymore and that’s their problem to deal with not mine because I’m literally just trying to get from x to y.

narmstrong13 · 2021-11-22T17:54:03+00:00

Whenever I have to take the elevator at my work to go to my office and a woman gets on too, I always pull out my phone and turn on the front facing camera to record myself the entire elevator ride, just in case she decides to say I tried something. I've never touched a woman without their consent but have had girls make claims against me to their friends and boyfriends in the past. It's a behavior I learned years ago to protect myself from falsely being reported for assault or something. I refuse to walk behind or near women in hallways. I walk with my head down because a simple glance can end my career if a woman wants to. Stay vigilant and record anytime you are alone with women or in an enclosed space with them.

BloomingBrains · 2021-11-19T05:35:11+00:00

I think you might be a more than a little paranoid. Sure, some women are vocal about how they are scared of men, wish men would cross the street from them, etc. but you can't extrapolate the views of those extreme women to all women. A good number of them were probably abused in some way and have trauma. Others, it may just be a feminist narrative they're espousing to help demonize men. Maybe both. Either way, don't let it get into your head and ruin your life.

The way I like to think about it is, I'm 5'8 and weigh 150 pounds. If a woman is scared of me, she has serious issues. I'm not going to go out of my way to humble myself in daily interactions as some kind of potential threat just to cater to an irrational, misandrist sensibility.

That said, it does pay to be aware of your surroundings. When I was walking to my car one day in college, I noticed a girl who I'd happen to talk to before class walking in the same direction as me, to what was obviously the same parking lot where she'd put her car. We were totally alone. Not wanting to seem like I was awkwardly following her, and also genuinely wanting to talk to her, I asked her if she minded me walking with her, since it seems we're going in the same direction. She said yes but as we talked, it was obvious she was uncomfortable and reserved, a complete 180 from before. She probably thought I was going to do something to her.

Yeah, it was really shitty of her to treat me that way, but at the same time, I should have walked away because what if some white knight had also decided I was a bad guy and tried to intervene? However, I'm not going to let that stop me from approaching women in the future. It doesn't have to be a black or white thing, you don't have to assume all women are scared of you, but it does pay to look out for the ones that are. Evaluate each situation individually and act accordingly. I think its safe to assume most women aren't afraid my default, but YMMV.

What I'm saying is, this "fear of men" thing seems to be happening on a reactionary, cultural level, and not so much on an individual/interpersonal basis. Who knows, things may be different in 50 years, though.

TheLWMA · 2021-11-19T01:08:15+00:00

When walking down the street and a woman walks toward me, I feel I have to go out my way to show I’m not looking at her/move out the way. Even in broad daylight.

I feel like it's that a reasonable thing to do, making yourself appear as not a threat to anyone regardless of gender.

Comments