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Bekinditsfree
[–]fds_throwaway_4_uFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes yes yes needs to be said.
[–]eorcanstanFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not even just emotionally but financially too! If you're with someone always in need of a "loan" from you, cut him off. There's no interest coming.
[–]iloveyoubabiFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
BY FAR the biggest lesson I learned from my last relationship. Only give when it's appreciated and reciprocated.
[–]butteryrumFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The truth!! Givers must be careful who they give their time and energy to. Vet, vet, vet. Taking all relationships, including friendships more slowly in general has helped me sort out takers vs. reciprocaters.
[–]2340000FDS Apprentice 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
One of the hardest recovery lessons!
I don't continuously ask for things even if I know the person would say yes because that's taking someone for granted. I only give when it's appreciated. Healthy relationships operate this way.
Unfortunately, users don't mind taking you for granted. Toxic people will make it your fault for how willing they are to exploit you. It's best to establish boundaries in romantic, family, and work situations.
[–]albus247 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even with friends, I often found boundaries taken for granted.
[–]UnevenHandedFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh, that HITS 😬 The reciprocity gap is real.
[–]sleutherinoFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did, thank you
[–]overthinker4444FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YESSSS SO TRUE! It drained my energy. Never again.
[–]Kylie_FanFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. I will tattoo this in my brain so I can remember it 😌
[–]ilikeskittles44 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've had to learn the hard way.
I've been taken for granted a multitude of times, then after I ice them out(for my own preservation) they come running back. This isn't just exes, but also with ex-friends of mine. Honestly, I just wish someone would give to me the way I am able to give to others. 🙄
[–]Raptorinn 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This goes for all relationships, not just romantic ones. Take care of your boundaries 🌷
[–]spaghetty8 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More people need to see this!
[–]Creativejess 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🏅
[–]hikurangi2019FDS Apprentice 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ouch.
[–]Advanced_Meal 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Remember that takers come in many forms: romantic partners, family, "friends." Learning to not give my all to everyone was a hard lesson for me to learn, but one that I'm so grateful for.
[–]SayNadFDS Disciple 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also remember that you should not ever give to man. In dating and relationship - the man is the giver, while you, being the woman is the receiver. That's the base of a healthy relationship - the natural dynamics between man and woman.
You can reciprocate when he proves that he is a HVM giver, carer and protector - but even then you'll find that he is happier being the giver. That's what makes him feel alive, hyperbolely speaking. A true HVM feels complete when he can provide and protect his lady. And nothing makes him feel proud and powerful as you receive his gifts and efforts with bright eyes and happy smiles.
For our empaths sisters who likes to give - give to children, animals in need, nature, family, friends etc. NEVER a man who pursue you romantically.
[–]UnevenHandedFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I actually really agree with this. We tend to generalise that every single part of the patriarchal system is "bad" - well, the patriarchy is still around. We don't live in a post-feminist world. The safeguards put into place to protect women when we had less autonomy, agency and choice are STILL relevant and required today.
I think overcompensating for our feelings of uncertainty or self-doubt by doing things like paying 50-50 (regardless of what each partner earns), asking men out, viewing casual sex as somehow "empowering" are all just later evolutions of misogyny. Men hope we'll reject the parts that were put in place to keep women alive in a somewhat sustainable, (however oppressed and miserable) bare minimum way. They WANT us to throw the baby out with the bathwater and be without any social structure at all.
Change happens in steps, but men want us to act like we live in an ideal world. While they do everything in their power to do whatever works, practically.
Nope. No way. I love this comment. It's the reciprocating life for me! ❤
[–]SayNadFDS Disciple 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
like paying 50-50 (regardless of what each partner earns), asking men out, viewing casual sex as somehow "empowering" are all just later evolutions of misogyny.
Libfem like to frame "female empowerment" as literally taking man's role and responsibilities and cite "well, that's equality!" - and that's good for women how? Forcing women to work more and allowing men to be lazy?
They just end up gaslighting women to treat men as the prize and running themselves crazy trying to get these men who ends up being nothing but parasitic baggage. How's that "empowerment"?
It is sad that we need to convince women that yes - yes you deserve being treated well, you deserve gifts, no you don't need to give your body away just because he pay for a damn dinner, you don't deserve abuse just because x, y, z - just goes to show that libfem are just another tool of the patriarchy to further destroy women.
I firmly believe if the oldschool thing will work entirely to your benefit in modern dating (because you have freedom our grandmothers don't have) - it is not a sin to use it to your advantage. Not everything have to follow the modern rules - especially if those rules don't benefit you.
[–]xfelugirlxFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen.
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[–]fds_throwaway_4_uFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]eorcanstanFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iloveyoubabiFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]butteryrumFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]2340000FDS Apprentice 45 points46 points47 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]albus247 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnevenHandedFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sleutherinoFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]overthinker4444FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kylie_FanFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilikeskittles44 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Raptorinn 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spaghetty8 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Creativejess 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hikurangi2019FDS Apprentice 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Advanced_Meal 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Disciple 26 points27 points28 points
(2 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnevenHandedFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Disciple 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]xfelugirlxFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link