I have nowhere else to post this and no one else will appreciate it like you ladies. I used to live and die off my family's approval and boy did they take advantage of it. Anyhow, I moved into a new apartment not long ago. Last night my sister calls because she's visiting her ex-bf in my city. I drive out to the airport to get her, let her spend the night at my place. Today, no warning she says he's coming by to pick her up, asks if he can come up to my place to help her with her stuff. Now, I was already pissed she gave that idiot my address without my permission. But I live in a secure building with a doorman. He couldn't come up without my say so. So I said no. She was pushing and pushing like she always does. In the past I would've either ignored my feelings to "keep the peace" or begged her to understand my POV. Today, I didn't explain, I didn't engage, I just said no. When people ask your reasons, they don't want your reasons anyway, they just want to shoot down your logic and get their way.

Anyway, I didn't want this guy knowing where I live because he's military and seems unhinged. When she gets through with this toxic relationship, she'll be safe enough as she lives across the country, but I live right here in town-who do you think Scrote McGee is going to target if things don't go his way? Luckily, this building has over 300 apartments. That anonymity was my last protection. I was not going to hand him my apartment number and layout on a silver platter. No. Here's the kicker. She had been insisting he just had to come up to help her with her stuff she claimed she couldn't manage alone. Once she sees I'm absolutely not bending, she's huffing and puffing around collecting her bags. They looked heavy, so I offer to help her to the elevator and down to the lobby. She says, "no thanks," and breezes out the door with everything in *one* hand. People just want to trample your boundaries, do not let them!

ETA: Aside from the safety issue, I felt really almost disproportionately anxious and angry about this whole situation. And then I realized, it was like someone wrote in a post earlier. Pick Mes mirror the toxic behavior of the men they are with. I was angry because she kept pushing my boundaries, trying to break them down, like he does hers. My sister literally has this idiot on Facetime allllllllll day long. He barely says anything, he just watches her. And she started mirroring that to me today. First, when she says he's outside, I have to go downstairs for something else and move my car into my building's garage. She was insisting I stop the car, pick him up, and drive him into the garage, and then take him up to my apartment. First of fucking all, he's a grown man. Even if he was my visitor who I invited, I would have had him enter through the lobby like a proper guest. You can wait, you don't need to be tended to and handled gently like a precious babe. Second, I realize now, this was all about her. She can't be out of his sight for two seconds, so I'm supposed to participate by letting him trample my personal space now. Not in this life. Obviously, I cannot and would not cut off my sister. But we're going to have a nice chat at Christmas. She can cater to this fool all she wants but she won't be getting me to join her.