Bitterness about my situation

Dahks · 2021-12-15T18:50:02+00:00

Here's the thing: you're using sentences, arguments and concepts that sound logical but they are not. They're, in fact, "logical traps", or ideas that you take for granted on a emotional, baseless level from which you then draw conclusions as if they were the truth.

I'm telling it this way because I also considered myself "logical" and I simply thought that my bitterness was rooted in truths: "I'm intelligent enough to see the truth and I draw the 'logical' conclusion that I suck as a person". But it's the other way around: you're in a bad spot mentally and that messes up your logic and self-perception and realizing that is the key to get out of the void.

You can learn to get rid of the concepts of "cringe", "being a beta" or "NPC" that you know see as the truth, as something that you use to explain reality. These concepts are key to RP ideology and other adjacents and they're one of the things that fuel your bitterness. One of the first ideas that are taught in cognitive-conductual psychology is that our behaviour affects how we perceive reality, and that this perception of reality (and not "reality" on its own) is what affects us emotionally. Red Pill ideology is full of concepts like those because they want to give people "tools" to interpret reality and, by using those specific tools, they're also building a specific reality that is full with misogynistic values.

My advice on how to move on: it's already good that you're asking advice on how to move on. In my case that was the more difficult step and I started by going to a psychologist (the first one sucked and made me uncomfortable, I abandoned the idea for a while but then tried again with a second one and we clicked). After that, remember that change won't happen overnight and that you shouldn't be discouraged by that.

hippy_speed_ball · 2021-12-15T16:38:53+00:00

Imagine if you were really into basketball. Always wanted to play basketball. You thought basketball would be so much fun to play. Yet, you never really gave it a try. You watched college and NBA games. You watched people play around at the park. You kept yourself in decent shape, just in case you ever decided to play. But... You never actually tried playing. You knew that to be good you had to be tall and naturally athletic, and you were neither of those things. You knew that most people learned to play in their youth, and you didn't. You were so in love with the idea of basketball that you were afraid to embarrass yourself by trying.

That's not how doing things works though. Of course it easier if you're naturally gifted at a thing and start doing it when you're young. 6"+ guys who start playing in highschool are going to be pretty good, even if they aren't D1 college good. That doesn't mean you can't learn to play okay enough to have a great time at the rec center.

The same applies to finding a romantic partner. Being 6"+, stunningly attractive, and dating in your teens would make things way easier. But, plain looking short dudes find meaningful relationships and/or have fun sex all the time, even when they only start dating in their 20s or 30s or even later. They don't if they never try. They don't if they're too afraid of failure to just talk to women and become comfortable with flirting or just having amiable conversations. Failure is a normal part of doing anything. Of course the first woman you ask out isn't going to be your soul mate. Of course if you start dating you're going to be rejected or have to do some rejecting. If you didn't it would just be luck.

RealRussShackleford · 2021-12-16T04:21:47+00:00

You stated you “stay away from this embarrassment.”

That’s a mental block you’ve got to fix that will open a lot of fire doors not just in dating but life in general. You don’t know until you ask and there’s no embarrassment or shame in being told no. If a girl tells you no, don’t get upset and go into a dark place, just smile and say “Well it was nice to meet you” and go talk to someone else. You’ll start hearing yes the more you ask.

RedPillDetox · 2021-12-15T15:14:33+00:00

I'll add that i've never asked a girl out, because i've never had the chance, and mainly because i know i'm already virtually rejected due to my looks, so why even bother?

Well, there you have it. Not hard to conclude what your problem is.

Yes, i've tried everything, i guess. I went to college, i play sports, i have a job.

You guessed wrong. The most important part of dating isn't really to self improve, is to actually try and chase women. Like, it's so obvious and yet so few guys do it. You're supposed to be actively chasing women, playing the numbers game, getting rejected repeatedly. Actually making moves and shit. It's how it works. Unless you're that fugly, there's really no excuse for a guy playing the numbers game with reasonable standards to not having a date.

mammajess · 2021-12-15T21:22:55+00:00

Maybe if angry men didn't shame outgoing women so much, or tell women that initiating relationships made them worthless and men will use them just for sex, then shy men like you might get more women approaching you. Just a thought for dudes generally.

Zerofication · 2021-12-19T20:16:19+00:00

Two options: a. Forget about women and find something else more fulfilling, b. Chase money and women will chase you.

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PhilosopherHistorian · 2021-12-16T00:40:27+00:00

By how you describe your situation, it sounds like much of your perceptions of your attractiveness arise from your own internal insecurities, something just about everyone has.

Also, if you’ve never asked any women out how would you even know how attractive you are to them?

There’s no real easy way to go about dating. Improving at it requires a whole bunch of trial-and-error to learn who likes what. There’s no clean strategy, I’m not going to sugarcoat that.

Your height certainly isn’t a problem, there’s plenty of women below your height. I’m not sure what you would describe as “average” as it’s quite the umbrella term when it comes to aesthetics, but people of all levels of attractiveness (even “average” or “below-average”) ultimately find themselves in relationships anyway.

Forget any negative perceptions you have of your own attractiveness and desirability and start building your interpersonal wisdom. Make friends, particularly with women, build a network, and shoot your shot. Take notes, keep track of what you did well and what you didn’t do so well, and persist.

drphillovestoparty · 2021-12-16T04:54:10+00:00

Look into fun hobbies, where there will be women around. You will enjoy yourself and get out of your own head long enough to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You will have a chance to chat with the women, and have something in common to talk about.

Mh882130 · 2021-12-18T03:08:04+00:00

You should read Dr Robert Glovers book dating essentials for men.

You are suffering from many limiting beliefs which is making you subconsciously and kinosthetically unattractive to women. You are literally women repellent.

I know cause I been there.

Only I am considered highly attractive especially back in my day.

Yet like you my problems were limiting beliefs caused by my upbringing and my pure o mainly harm ocd in the realm of intrusive thoughts of harming women.

Only once I faced those limiting beliefs and reversed them did I actually overcome my psychological inceldom found the love of my life and had four kids with her.

We are not together now due to child services being wrongfully involved and me having to leave but we co parent amicably and we still love each other and hook up occasionally (We have a very roller coaster relationship dynamic but it’s hella fun and the sex is phenomenal)

Point being you start changing your limiting beliefs and you will be fine with women.

Also it’s not about height or looks it’s about how you make her feel; how you build her up challenge her to be better authentic and give her the best damn sex she can get.

Get some therapy learn some social skills and master the art of eating pussy and you’ll be good to go.

Title	Bitterness about my situation
Author	turbo-short
Upvotes	10
Comments	34
Date	December 15, 2021 2:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rh0c81/bitterness_about_my_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/bitterness-about-my-situation.1092325 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092325

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