Inspired by u/yetanotherhail recent post in which a woman states her boundaries on not dating single fathers only to be inundated with messages from single fathers. Quelle surprise.

I want to cover two things:

  1. Men always feel they are the exception to the rule
  2. Men will say and do anything for sex

It is never in your best interest to share your preferences/boundaries/rules with potential partners. Men will use this information against you.

The good news is without this information to guide their deception, men reveal their shortcomings and incompatibilities early on.

Some responses to keep on hand doe tricky questions

What are you looking for in a relationship?

Do not fall for this trap. He's not looking to perform a helpful self-assessment against those criteria for you. That's your job. Every action and story of his should be cross checked with your internal checklist. Do his actions match his claims? Does this align with my values and aspirations? etc. the best way to answer this question is with a simple "I'll know when I see it". He follows up asking what you think of him/do you like what you see? Best to drop him from the dating rotation - he's already sounding insecure and unsure of himself. Always follow up with what he's looking for in a relationship. Because you've revealed little information about what you're seeking, it's harder for him to lie and pretend.

What was your ex like? / Why did you separate?

I do not care how low value your ex with his flop flop pee-pee, blow up mattress and floordrobe was, as far as any potential partner is concerned every one of your exes was generous, handsome and successful. This question is trying to establish what emotional baggage you may have and how emotionally vulnerable you may be. Do not give anything away. Generous, handsome, successful. Got it? Good. Why did you split up? Competing priorities, work commitments, different life stages...

Every interaction you have with men you must consider: how your response best serves your interests, and how the information you share may be misused to manipulate and deceive you.

Wisdom from the comments:

Why did you divorce?

"we wanted different things." If he presses me for more info, I say, "that's not really a first date topic of conversation" - u/purasangria

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Never trash an ex even if they deserve it “we wanted different things, grew apart, etc”.

Don’t reveal anything too personal like health issues, past trauma, insecurities.

Don’t open up about previous lovers or past sexual experiences. “Thats too personal”.

Don’t tell him how much money you have if they are rude enough to ask that early on. Don’t tell them how many men you are seeing - u/spinsterchachkies

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This is exactly why we shouldn't date below our league. He will resent you for getting with someone like him and will think you're dumb for giving him a chance. He will look down on you. And he will "retaliate" and "punish" you for all of the above by either cheating on you, abusing you, or leaving you - u/orangechickengeneral

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