34yo, 6'0, 179.1#, ~13.1% BF (navy), 2 kids 5/3/1: DL 210x9, OHP 110x3, SQ 215x6, BP 155x8
My initiations are not working the way I want them to. For context, most times when we have sex historically, it's during ovulation and she is "ready" to.
I was in the zone last night, feeling that big dick energy and decided I wanted to fuck. I gave my wife an ass squeeze when she got home and I hear, "I don't like that". I blow past it with A&A and get a smirky, "Oh you" look with an eye roll. Later in the night about an hour or two before bed, I told her I'm going upstairs, show starts in 2 minutes. I didn't actually want to watch a show, I wanted her in the bedroom. She comes up and says "I don't like it when you order me around". I A&A everything and have fun with it and she responds positively. I was genuine DNGAF. We have a lot of flirty, jabbing banter for about 10 minutes, and there is a definite charge in the air. There is no ambiguity that I want to fuck and I'm confident we both know this. Eventually I'm ready to fuck, so I say, "it sounds like you need the sass spanked out of you" with a smile and pull her toward me.
But as soon as I escalate, she throws on the brakes with LMR. It's the same script every time. Smiles and smirks during resistance for a few minutes. e.g., "Stop or I'm going to kick you!" I keep pushing because this is clearly some playground, girl-pushes-boy stuff. But after a while, the tone becomes serious. "I keep telling you I don't like it when, blah blah". All the levity and fun is gone.
I think it boils down to one or a combination of three things: (1) she wants to be in control of sex and isn't into it with me (her overt mouth noises are true, I'm not attractive, "I'm not submitting to this sad sack"), (2) it's a big shit test and she wants me to blast past the resistance and get REAL, or (3) she wants feelz for free.
If it is a shit test, I've been reading a bit about brats and I'm definitely getting that vibe. Very sassy, lots of backtalk and button pushing in a playful way. She mirrors me. During banter she tries to get a rise out of me, but it's not straight disrespect, it's over petty stuff. We both have a lot of fun. But blowing past the second-stage "real" resistance I describe above would have a very rapey tone. I have no problem with getting dominant during sex, but if I don't already know she's into that and I'm wrong about it being a shit test, that's pretty uncomfortable for me because, well it's basically sexual assault.
At this point, I'm just about over it. I love the fun banter and creating that tension, it fits me and my style. I like initiating sex that way. But when it's time to convert I get shut down, and I get the sense that I'm a chump giving out feelz and my time for free. I've read the post about not being funny during initiations, but for me, I'm not hedging bets. Maybe I'm missing the point. Game is supposed to be fun and that's how I have fun with it, we both know I want to fuck. I'm not the strong, silent, Christian Gray type, it's not congruent or interesting for me.
Has anybody seen a dynamic like this before? I know I'm missing something but I can't see it. Any thoughts are appreciated.
**EDIT: This Bill Burr bit is exactly what I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ3QHTpMZgQ
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