Double standards & hypocrisy

JayTheFordMan · 2022-02-18T18:29:24+00:00

What they are really saying is that women get to have preferences, and men have to live up to and deal with them, but the women don't have to accept or deal with male preferences. Its not about the men, it's about female entitlement

WhereProgressIsMade · 2022-02-18T18:18:47+00:00

Your friends are delusional. Sexual attraction (aka chemistry) is mostly subconscious for both men and women. You can’t help it when it happens and you can’t will it to happen if it’s not there. The most you can do is ignore it if it’s unwanted until it goes away.

Male attraction toward females is mostly physical and the rest is mostly a feminine personality. It’s just become taboo to talk about either so the effect is it appears men have no preferences.

The “open-minded” men have just learned to tow the line and hide it better than others. For example, very very few men are legitimately more attracted to obese women than fit ones. Most will deny it if asked because to say otherwise will almost always result in a shitstorm.

Plus there’s the old saying about if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all. I’m glad bullying is taken more seriously than when I was a kid and we don’t shame obesity nearly as much either. But this new thing where we try to pretend being obese is healthy and attractive is ridiculous. Unfortunately it seems like some actually believe it.

Guys that date obese women do so mostly because they don’t have better options available. If a guy really has no preferences it means he’ll take whatever female attention he can get. Which is sad but happens.

judasfire · 2022-02-18T18:41:53+00:00

Men have preferences not only beauty and appearance wise , but mentally as well.

Many women get the wrong idea about most men. We don't only look for beauty on the outside , whats inside counts as well. No man wants to deal with an evil , scummy woman , especially todays women who feel they are entitled to everything , many things women do today that are huge turn-offs for men, no matter what size or height you are.

xdzgor · 2022-02-18T18:09:32+00:00

As a man, I do not have any male friends who do not have preferences.

Moist-Ad-4288 · 2022-02-18T21:03:19+00:00

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Competitive-Clue-966 · 2022-02-18T18:23:07+00:00

People are attracted by different things and have different preferences. They don't choose who they are attracted to, and I don't think having stricter preferences means someone is less open-minded. Giving your friends the benefit of the doubt that they don't have physical preferences, I think it's understandable that they would have difficulty understanding people who do. It's not really a rational thing that can be explained.

Obviously, no-one should be body-shamed or discriminated against for how they look.

SpanishM · 2022-02-18T18:56:56+00:00

Today, my two (female) friends were discussing how they like men who are attracted to all types of women, regardless of size, height, etc., because those men are “open-minded” and “not insecure,” unlike men who have preferences.

Attraction is a very complex thing, it depends on many factors, and most of them are unconscious. That's why we sometimes say we like this and that but then become attracted by a person who doesn't have these characteristics.

So they are not only wrong about men, but probably about themselves too.

Kaylarmagic · 2022-02-18T20:48:33+00:00

Everyone has preferences. It's impossible to not have preferences. Your friends sound like sexist idiots. - Also a woman

2022-02-18T19:22:50+00:00

I’m 6’2 , 170lbs (12-14% body fat) with an above average penis. I’d say I’m fairly good looking so I’m gonna be honest, I haven’t been discriminated much on my looks. But I’ve heard woman talk about their ex’s to me, and wow. The shit they say is god-awful. And for some reason , it’s always the man’s fault? I’ve heard woman talk about their ex’s “small penis” , “stomach” even balding. And that’s on the low end. It’s terrible

DanteLivra · 2022-02-18T18:50:17+00:00

So according to their own statement women are more insecure about themselves in general because beauty standards for men are more irrealistic than those of women.

While there are exceptions, most women can loose weight and buy themselves fake boobs while most men can't gain height or be as muscular as The Rock.

Inconsiderate opinions aside, I do believe that wanting a specific partner the meet your beauty standards is a way to compensate for something that you don't like about you, "having" a beautiful partner prove to you that the thing you are insecure about doesn't prevent you from "having" anything.

I think this point of view apply wonderfully to either men or women, but I can't deny that I often hear women say how they want a six pack, big arms, big d*ck, atleast 6 feet of height etc... And the more preference, the more chances that the person having those preferences is an irritated woman who can't look inwards.

Women (and men) should learn that relationships are not trophies to exhibit, they are a state in constant evolution. You "are" with someone. You don't "have" someone.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-02-18T18:18:18+00:00

Some women body shame men.

Some men body shame women.

Anyone who says otherwise is either naive or a liar.

However, it doesn't mean that ALL women body shame men or that all men body shame women. I would be surprised if women body shamed men more than men do it to women though.

Certainly the "public" body shaming of women has been considerably reduced in recent years by the disapproval mob zerging any man foolish enough to make a comment publically about it.

I don't know if the same applies to women who body shame men. I can also tell you that I personally have heard women body shame other women at a rate that is startlingly high.

Further, just because someone isn't attracted to a given body type does not mean they are body shaming those people.

Maybe you like tall guys, or darker/lighter skinned guys, or guys with very muscular physiques. So what, you're free to make such choices for yourself.

Maybe you like girls with big or little boobs, a big or little butt, rail thin or "thicc", long hair or short hair, whatever. So what, you're free to make such choices for yourself.

I think in general, women become attracted to the person they fall in love with and that men learn to love the person they are attracted to.

You asked for our thoughts about this. There's my 2 minute brain dump on this for you.

SnooJokes1401 · 2022-02-18T19:46:32+00:00

Technically saying you "like men that like everybody" is kinda a double standard itself. It's implying that the best men have to be open minded but the best women dont...?

Lice138 · 2022-02-18T20:41:16+00:00

Women care more about how they come off vs how they really are. They are really saying that they want to be seen as someone who wants a virtuous partner. In truth they have a strict preference.
You should have asked if they would date a guy who was 4 foot 10

TheSnesLord · 2022-02-19T03:19:16+00:00

Of course they're going to deny body shaming men. Because if they told you truth that they only go for tall, handsome guys with six packs with big you-know-whats it would expose their hypocrisy and double standards.

Agoodbob22 · 2022-02-19T16:39:53+00:00

Take it from a heavyset man. Women can be far worse towards men than men have been towards in a lot of instances. Going through high school, most of the kids who made fun of me WERE girls. I refrained from asking a lot of girls out for just that reason. As a matter of fact, I encountered this my entire life, in different ways. If you were heavy, but made good money, women would sometimes overlook your looks. I have personally seen women go out with, then even marry men who had gross habits such as having greasy, unkept hair, smoking, and dirty, unkept clothes. In my experience, most of them had a great time at my expense. Quite a few of them, when I got up the courage to approach them, had the response of "Ew, no. I only like you as a friend". Women can be heartless. Look at Austin Powers Movie Gold member and the Character Fat Bastard. I wonder how much of a fuss the general public would have made if it was "Fat Bitch"?

geocitiesuser · 2022-02-18T20:40:15+00:00

"I like men who like me no matter how fat I get" lol

UnfurtletDawn · 2022-02-18T21:08:14+00:00

Just ask them if they are attracted to all men.

Tall, short, skinny, fat, jacked....

And as far as I know there goes extreme amount of things that come into attraction.

asplorer · 2022-02-18T23:18:59+00:00

Even the most open minded men will not prefer women with this type of attitude.

d3ch01 · 2022-02-19T01:33:06+00:00

I'd get new friends. Everything u claim they said makes absolutely no sense. They seem sexist and entitled

Embarrassed_Ant6605 · 2022-02-18T18:55:46+00:00

Everyone has preferences. Everyone’s preferences are different. Everyone is entitled to have them.

Futurefrog38785 · 2022-02-18T19:59:11+00:00

I think the only role women's looks come in to play is to strike the conversation(as in tend the man to strike a conversation ) .

But in many cases a man who started talking to girl who looked good doesn't actually ends up in a relation with her because he is constantly trying to impress her and doesn't feel that comfortable around her overtime ......

Whereas when he naturally starts talking , he tends to feel more comfortable ......

Although , men do talk about the looks of women with other men(it's mostly not serious ) , but I don't think they change the way they behave with them, neither do they talk that in front of the girl ...

All this is a theory (except the last part) , haven't seen that many relations to be sure ....

AliveBarnacle3396 · 2022-02-18T22:49:06+00:00

Beauty standards are largely at play for both men and women. Would a fat woman be able to voice her preferences? Also- in terms of height, women tend to prefer tall men as to feel more feminine and small. This is what I find, so stop masculinizing tall women, for example. Believe it or not, we have biases due to the media we immerse ourselves with and figures of authority, so why wouldn’t your preferences be influenced as you grow and develop into an adult?

Majestic_Blackberry3 · 2022-02-26T06:40:37+00:00

I’m a woman and I wouldn’t date a man who was into all kinds of women. A lack of standards is actually a turnoff for me.

WorshippingLasagna · 2022-02-18T22:15:28+00:00

My 2 cents is that your friends are mindlessly following the “differences should not matter” nouvelle vague. What they say about man not having to have preferences is an oxymoron because it means that every woman (or man, if you reverse it) is being absolutely fungible for mating/relationship purposes, which in turn means denying the concept that every human being is unique, which is the basis for “differences do not matter”.

Anyway, my anecdotal (myself and any man I ever talked to about these things) experience is: beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is largely subjective, with a few objective parameters: beyond a certain threshold ugliness and nastiness are objective and no man would consider them attractive. This because beyond that threshold it is all about good genes vs bad genes and attraction is rooted into this (Darwinism etc., which, ethical or unethical is a law of nature and nature is about evolution, not about ethics).

To say that in a different way: no one is really interested in having ugly children.

This said, most men (I admit, not all of them, but most) are respectful and know the art of rejecting without hurting and know perfectly well that physical appearance is not usually a choice (except for being fat: being fat can be addressed if one really wants to) and they treat even the ugliest woman with respect and inclusivity, focussing on her many other pros (there’s always sone in every person).

So all this discussion about normalising this and normalising that is just what it is: the argument of those who do not have an argument and they pick up one without the knowledge on how to handle it.

Last anecdotal piece of experience: do you know why my girlfriend (who is the actual embodiment of 100% of the woman of my dreams, ie my preferences) chose me? Because she’s an ethical person who doesn’t have preferences and was willing to go on dates when I happened to pass by or because I’m a tall, fit, good looking asshole who served his Country overseas, got back, got past PTSD and became a (hopefully successful) business lawyer later in life? Ask her, she has a clear answer to this question.

There’s nothing wrong with preferences. Now I conclude this overwhelmingly long post and I devote myself to choosing if I am going to have a glass of wine or if I want to have a sip of the latest piss of my neighbour’s dog. SPOILER ALERT: it’s not going to be that difficult because, you know, preferences.

Thanks for letting me take this off my chest and for surviving my English (not my native language).

Lethal_Ledgend · 2022-02-19T06:52:02+00:00

People have no more control over what body types there are or aren't attracted to then they have control over which gender or sex they are or aren't attracted to.

When fat women verbally abuse men who aren't interested in them it looks to me no different than if a man was to verbally abuse a woman who rejected him on the grounds she was a lesbian.

Intergalacticio · 2022-02-19T11:14:20+00:00

I think it’s okay to seek certain attributes in a prospective partner, just so long as our expectations of those attributes are humanly achievable and lenient to changes in our natural biology.

So I don’t think this is as much as gender issue as it is an issue of most people regardless of sex. If that make sense.

Title	Double standards & hypocrisy
Author	Moist-Ad-4288
Upvotes	169
Comments	42
Date	February 18, 2022 6:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/svo76n/double_standards_hypocrisy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/double-standards-hypocrisy.1102606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102606

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