Ashamed of my body count number …

METALLlCA · 2022-06-08T17:04:27+00:00

Will any man love me?

Yes! I (40M) met my wife (40F) at an out-of-state wedding. We were both promiscuous 25-years old at the time and hooked up for a one-night stand. My flight got delayed so that turned into a two-night stand. But, we stayed in contact and we flew to visit each other. We, of course, had those talks. I’m not going to say what our body counts were, but they were higher than yours and about proportional to each other (or hers was higher and she heard my number and lowered it to mine, it doesn’t matter). She dropped everything to move to my state where we started a family and are 15-years strong.

angelicasinensis · 2022-06-08T14:48:10+00:00

In different cultures sex/body count are viewed differently- stuff happens, like in your case straight up sexual abuse and a reaction to that- I think having sexual integrity and treating intimacy as special is powerful - it sounds like that’s where your at now and that’s awesome- but your body count number over things that happened in the past does not reflect who you are now- in fact I would say a huge learning experience and getting over/working through that trauma has made you EVEN stronger and more of a badass. Any man that judges you on being sexually abused isn’t even worth a second of your time. Hope this helps :)

phoenix_md · 2022-06-08T19:24:15+00:00

There’s a special place in hell for the men who abused you

jaja667 · 2022-06-08T13:03:35+00:00

Honey, what happened to you was not your fault. You were sexually abused, and sleeping around at a young age may have been a reaction to that. You know now what your values are around sex and you are acting accordingly.

Of course a man will love you. If someone ever uses the abuse against you, turn on your heel and walk out. Someone who truly loves you will want to understand you.

You forgive yourself by deeply understanding why and how you dealt with the pain that was so unfairly inflicted upon you. You go back to that girl in your mind and you wrap your arms around her and tell her it’s going to be okay and that she is worthy of love even if she doesn’t feel like it.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-06-08T16:14:58+00:00

Will any man love me ?

Yes.

How do I forgive myself for being so careless and take advantage of.

You come to understand that you were the victim in this, and you stop torturing yourself.

I’m 23 now and from 14-23 I’ve only slept with 4 people, 2 of those being m’en I dated for 2+ years.

So that's good. It seems like you have things back under some semblance of control.

Your past is your past. Focus on your behavior from here on out. Work on making yourself a better person in the future. Make sure you have resolved your trauma, whether through therapy or otherwise, so you can be the partner that you want to be for your future man.

warm20 · 2022-06-08T21:50:26+00:00

Will any man love me ?

absolutely many will love a woman that is self aware/self improving/is able to live with integrity and dignity daily while loving herself, her husband and family with her beautiful femininity

you posted

Ashamed of my body count number …

which is attractive, you are practicing humility/shame

which are healthy signs of you being aware that something that isn't morally right has been done and you want to stop it and or improve the situation, which is a great self reflection, give yourself some credit

no one gets it all right from the first get go, doesn't mean we slack on morality, but rather make our lives overall better for longterm

golden_eyed_cat · 2022-06-08T20:29:56+00:00

I'm so, so sorry you had to go through all of this! Although the reason why a person's past matters, is because it's an indicator of how they will behave in the future, you shouldn't forget that healing from trauma and overcoming it is a part of your story as well. Therefore, a good man will most likely see you as a woman that had 4 sexual partners, instead of 18.

laulau_meow · 2022-06-08T14:46:06+00:00

I'm sorry about what happend. But you don't have to tell anyone how many guys you had. And besides if someone doesn't want you because of that just let them go. I never had sex in my life and I am 23. I know a virgin kink exists but a lot of people don't want to deal with the awkwardness. So you can never please everyone.

Shane_The_Stoic · 2022-06-08T21:14:55+00:00

That's not that many and you've had it pretty rough. Don't be so hard on yourself.

cryptothrowaway27 · 2022-06-08T16:45:38+00:00

Perspective from a man... take it if you want.

I've been married for nearly 20 years and we have a beautiful, loving family. Had I been judged on my count (50+) or had I judged my wife on her count (30+) we wouldn't have the life we have now. We're now in our 40's and the things we did in our teens and 20's isn't about who we are now but about who we were. I'm glad we were both experienced because I see so many couples our age walking away from their marriage because they didn't "try more things."

Don't let your past determine your future. If this bothers someone, they're not mature enough to handle a relationship and is probably something that bothers only men in their early 20's.

Also, anyone that judges anyone for being sexually assaulted or the past that comes with that is a piece of shit.

Candle_Playful · 2022-06-08T17:17:01+00:00

Theramin Trees @ youtube is a wonderful channel that can help you understand that it's amazing you're here now and it's not your fault. I'm glad you made it out and are here with us. Can't recommend the channel enough, it really helped me dismantle self blame that wasn't warranted in the end.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-06-08T21:30:08+00:00

Stop winding yourself up, you were groomed by older men. Any man of value will be understanding of this and be willing to support you. This will not stop you from finding love.

Lopsided-Shallot-124 · 2022-06-10T23:15:33+00:00

You definitely can find a great guy! ♥️ My husband turned this 'hoe' into a housewife and we've been hopelessly in love since we got married a decade ago. I will say that my high sex drive has honestly helped immensely in our relationship. I am a stay at home mom who is treated like a goddess. Don't settle for less than you deserve, you are not damaged goods!

Brave-Awareness525 · 2022-06-08T15:31:16+00:00

Omg girl is not your fault at all. I'm sure your body count was used as a coping mechanism when you were raped, and I'm so so sorry you had to go through that.

I unfortunately went through something similar as a teenager when my uncle tried to rape me, but fortunately my twin brother saved me. I will be forever grateful for my brother for that.

None of this is your fault. You are strong, you are valuable, and you are worthy of a man's love. Trust me on this. Your body count is not because you were irresponsibly "hoeing around" and cheating, it was because you didn't know how to say no to people.

If a man ever tries to blame you for this situation you're in, just know that he is not worth your time at all. There are so many men out there who will love you for you, as long as you love him back.

From my experiences, the main reason men care about a woman's body count is because they are just insecure in themselves. They wonder what if my wife's exes had bigger dicks, fucked her better, lasted longer, made her moan louder, cum harder, etc. So honestly just give your man praise and let him know how amazing he is in bed and how he's the best you've ever had (only say this if it's true tho 😂. Thats why u should date a guy whos good in bed; dont settle for less just because he has a good personality or something, because your pleasure matters too).

Just meet new guys. Literally go up to guys you think are cute or nice or hot or whatever, and talk to them! And any guy you sense a connection with, go date him! It's simple lol!

Despite the situation I was in where my uncle tried to rape me, I still found true love when I met my husband.

We actually met in kind of a funny way: in college, I saw this hot shirtless muscular dude doing sprints on the track, so I went up to him and told him "i think you're kind of cute, so I'll make a deal with you. If you beat me in a race, you get to have my number. If I beat you in a race, I get to have your number."

He was so drained that he couldn't even think about what I was saying, so he just agreed lol. We raced, and he utterly smoked me 😆.

And then he got my number, surprisingly texted me!, and we went on a date. We fell in love, got married, and he loved me so much he actually risked his life to save mine.

As for how to forgive yourself, build new, better, healthy habits and pick up hobbies. Pick up a new sport, lift weights, train martial arts, learn a new instrument, start a business, read a book, write a book, learn to cook, learn to sew, volunteer, etc.

If you look through my post history, my husband has had a ton of childhood trauma in his life, and he used to (and still does sometimes) cope with it by working out OBSESSIVELY, like 4 hours a day every single day. He is a former D1 wrestler, so it makes sense why he still has those habits of working out obsessively. Obv this is probably. not the healthiest thing, but I notice that he's always in a grear mood after he works out.

Definitely start working out, lifting weights (you won't get buff!, you'll look better 😆) and pick up a sport, maybe a martial art.

Ive looked through your post history, and you want to better yourself, which is an amazing thing. Learning to build new habits, hobbies, talents and keep yourself busy will help you to forgive yourself. You will see progress and that you've improved yourself in every way possible; you will see physical and mental changes in yourself when you better yourself this way. Also, being busy is always better: an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

Trust me, you're fine. I don't know you, but I empathize with you. You are worthy of love, always remember that.

So sorry for the long reply, i just wanted to help, I know I can talk too much 😭

PS: Lots of men LOVE experienced women, since they know exactly how to make a man feel pleasured and great in bed! 😉

RestingWings · 2022-06-08T19:25:47+00:00

Yes a man will love you. Don’t give up on your self.

sunglasses90 · 2022-06-08T13:52:52+00:00

First, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Second, your actions were totally normal reaction to something you had no control over. You’re human and you’re normal. Next, you have to forgive yourself for those things. A big part of living a healthy life is forgiving yourself for things that happened in your past. We all have things we’re not proud of because we’re all human. We can’t let those things drag us down and ruin our futures.

You are resilient. It’s amazing you’ve made it this far with only those scars to show for it. You’re stronger than all of those bad things from the past.

Here’s the thing. If you are healed and ready to move on and have an amazing husband and amazing relationship and amazing family then you can have it. If you want to bury this thing entirely. Have a funeral for it and never look back. Nobody needs to know if you don’t want them to know. If you’re not ready to bury it then you need to find a kind man who will help you carry the load and they do exist!

Babiecakes123 · 2022-06-08T18:13:32+00:00

I want to start off in saying that sexual abuse & assault will NEVER be your fault. No one would ever choose such trauma willingly, and it very common for children who have been abused to struggle with hyper-sexuality because of it.

You ARE forgivable, and you ARE forgiven. Your past is your past, but what matters is that you are actively trying to change. Being transparent with future partners is important, but what they will be looking at is whether or not you’ve changed.

The main thing I would suggest is finding someone to help you navigate your desires and feelings about sex. There is most likely going to be some pent up emotions that need to be worked through before you can truly have a healthy sex life. Trying to resolve past trauma alone is what got you into this mess to begin with. However, I want to let you know that you aren’t alone and that there IS time to change. Many women with high body counts find love. Love is not something denied to you because of your past. It will come when it comes.

Sex IS inherently good. It was created by God for man to bond, protect, love, and please, his wife. When sex is enjoyed within the guise of marriage (or with a lifelong partner), it’s so much more beautiful than with any stranger or boyfriend… Have you ever considered changing your approach to sex? Trying out celibacy and abstaining from sex is hard, but imo very worth it. It definitely helps weed out shitty men too 🙌🏼. It might be valuable to abstain while you’re navigating your current feelings and emotions regarding sex.

blacmsoul · 2022-06-09T04:54:13+00:00

I honestly really needed to read this. I'm also 23 and my count is 10. I can so relate to your story. I personally wasn't sexually abused but I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents more so by my father. He was a very violent dictator who would use threats of violence to keep us in control. He'd also take his anger out on us by beating us for such miniscule reasons.

I dealt with SO much shame about my count once I had a rude awakening that caused me to really think about what I was doing to my body. After that I looked back at all the one night stands I had with absolute shame.

I started giving my body away right before I turned 19 and this behaviour didn't stop until I was 21. I've now been abstinent for 2 years now! 😊

It was so hard to forgive myself. However I went to therapy and it helped out a lot. She helped me understand that those self harming behaviours were a response to the unheald trauma I had within me.

Have understanding that who you were back then didn't have access to the information you have now and that you were just reacting out of trauma!

Forgiven29 · 2022-06-08T15:25:47+00:00

🙏

I-IV-V-ii-V-I · 2022-06-08T12:34:18+00:00

It is sad this is even. The important thing is you taking care of yourself and its cliché but you’ve got to at least know yourself to be loved by someone else. I often think forgiveness of one’s self is more moments of realization. Body count is an absurd, it changes nothing physically and has nothing to do with what kind of interpersonal connection you could have.

Title	Ashamed of my body count number …
Author	thinkaboutitfirstt
Upvotes	43
Comments	27
Date	June 8, 2022 12:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v7oesq/ashamed_of_my_body_count_number/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ashamed-of-my-body-count-number.1116787 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116787

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