Struggling to give myself permission to be a happy housewife

saddensgirl · 2022-05-31T16:52:15+00:00

If you can afford it and your husband is happy, stay home. I wish I could, although my husband said I can wfh or find something part time that's like 4 days a week.

You only have one life, you should be happy living it.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2022-05-31T17:15:02+00:00

I went to a prestigious college, and jumped straight into a lucrative career that I was very good at! I was making nearly 6 figures by the time I realized I just hated it and it was ruining my mental health. Once my husband and I got married I quit immediately, I figured we’d start trying for kids right away once we got married so what did it matter if I took off an extra year before becoming a SAHM to be a housewife instead? I’m so glad I did, I absolutely love cooking and my husband gets to benefit with elaborate healthy home cooked meals every night. I’m still working through some hobbies I’d like to cultivate like sewing and gardening (although I’ve had to take a break from gardening now that I’m pregnant). My mental health has never been better and I’m never bored. If you can afford to, do it! My husband was extremely supportive and was actually the one who encouraged me to take the leap.

My parents were very much like yours, and to be honest they still don’t know I’m not working because they would not be supportive lol. But my siblings and friends all know and are more jealous than judgmental.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-05-31T17:46:24+00:00

Honestly OP, if you and your husband enjoy this dynamic and you’re okay financially to do so, then do it! If you’re still adjusting to the idea, you can “cop out” when the subject of work comes up by talking about the projects you’re working on - your fiction writing, or the outdoor kitchen project. Maybe that will help ease you into it?

And if your parents have anything to say about it, have a few stock phrases like “well we’re happy so I don’t need to work right now” or something and then politely change the subject.

Some people unfortunately think that being a housewife isn’t any work, and you’re never going to change everyone’s mind, so find your way to acceptance of that fact and give yourself permission to live the life YOU want to live, not the one that people outside of your marriage think you should.

Luscious-Grass · 2022-05-31T19:25:16+00:00

The only argument to work (and it's a good one for a lot of people) is money. If money is no object, then lean into your life doing what you love.

One piece of advice - you don't need to frame this or any life decision (other than getting married and having kids) as a permanent decision. That might help take the pressure off.

socksonmonkeys4117 · 2022-06-01T01:55:38+00:00

Lol don’t feel guilty. I quit my job in December after my daughter was born and my husband’s parental leave was up. Best decision I ever made. Running a household is a lot of work and I think part of our modern stress is because we’re all working and there’s no one to handle the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the shopping, the cleaning, etc. I had dreams of getting my PhD and becoming a professor, but when I saw how toxic academia was getting and I met my husband, I decided to teach and then got into corporate America for a bit. I made good money but I wasn’t happy and my husband and I fought a lot because he’s very messy and ADHD and needs help taking care of the house. Now we’re happier, our baby is happy, and we have a beautiful home full of peace. Don’t just work because our crappy society demands it. Government just wants more taxpayers anyway lol

huckleberryhomemaker · 2022-06-01T15:51:38+00:00

I understand the guilt, I feel it too sometimes especially before I had our son and even now I feel guilty that my house isn't perfect even though I have a clingy EBF 4 month old!

It's going to take a lot of work to stop listening or caring about the opinions of others. It's been 3 years and I'm still not there. If your husband is happy with you staying home (he sounds wonderful btw) then you should be happy too.

Our society tends to only give people a monetary value but even though you aren't making money I'm assuming you cook for your husband or do more of the cleaning/chores and you're happier being home and writing than at some corporate job.

I was listening to the Homemaker Chic podcast and one of the hosts was talking about her new bee colonies. One had a super chill queen bee and all of the worker bees were chill too, they let her do whatever she wanted with them. The other hive had a nasty queen bee and she would get the whole hive agitated. Her point was that women are the queens of the hive (home) and our attitude effects the whole house. So if we're sad, our husband and children will be sad. If we're pissy and stomping around, so will our family.

So I would actually argue that the fact you're happy and calm from staying home helps your husband do better at his job and helps his mental health.

I've also read the theory that women aren't meant for a 9-5 job bc our hormone are on a 28 day cycle not a 24 hour cycle like a man's but that's a whole different topic.

ins0mniaa · 2022-05-31T23:56:31+00:00

You’re literally living my dream life lol

Mystic_Submissive · 2022-05-31T17:33:05+00:00

Only listen to your husband, ignore everyone else. You do what you like, others have no power and right to interfere with your decision to be a tradwife.

I also wanna be a tradwife, I am uni student, I regret it but I was coerced to pursue higher education. After I graduate I plan to be a housewife with part time home job.

Cut off unpleasant people of your life regardless of blood relation, keep your husband top priority. Your relationship is divine.

Housewife is a blessing.

Sliw · 2022-05-31T22:24:24+00:00

Go momma go, you're on the right path, stay on it while investing in yourself - keep writing, pursue every interest as much as you can, maintain your individual identity, but also relish where you're at. Good stuff...

oliveshoot · 2022-06-01T00:37:04+00:00

I've felt those feelings. Some things that have helped are:

Surrounding myself more with people who either support me or don't care about my title.
Working to build up my skills, and therefore my life. It gives your life substance, your conversations have more interest, and you have more confidence because you are more competent in your specialties. It takes time for people to understand this, and it takes time for you to feel confident enough to talk about these subjects with as much confidence as your job. Becoming good at something when starting from the beginning, and in adulthood, sort of makes your self-esteem decrease.
Likening my life at home like an entrepreneur. When someone starts a business, there is a period where it's a risk and naysayers will feel vulnerable just hearing your risks. Seems like you are in this time.
Sharing common interests and topics of conversation with parents and others who don't support you. Keeping conversation on them or on shared interests. Giving them the first homemade cake or stuffed pasta dish or what have you. Showing them that you are creating value. And complement your husband in front of them, too. Just because someone works and brings in a paycheck doesn't mean their conversation is interesting or that they are kind people or bring value to their families *more* than homemakers.
Realizing that home (and therefore home-making) is what you make it. It will become a patchwork kind of picture of your best skills in the far future. Believe in yourself and the future you want to build with your husband.
Learning that not only was homemaking a venture for myself but for my husband and I together. Our hobbies and goals are overlapping and coalescing. Our savings, our goals, and our dreams are becoming focused. We become a force to be reckoned with when we are aligned. You can't always say that about dual-income couples who work in different fields. What's a marriage if not a partnership and a unique picture of two people's lives becoming one?

sicrm · 2022-06-01T02:55:17+00:00

being able to stay at home is a opportunity that less and less people will have.

enjoy it.

Title	Struggling to give myself permission to be a happy housewife
Author	goldenappletits
Upvotes	33
Comments	26
Date	May 31, 2022 4:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v1udq3/struggling_to_give_myself_permission_to_be_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-to-give-myself-permission-to-be-a-happy.1117857 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117857

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