Sex and dating

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-03T17:50:24+00:00

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freespirit1963TJ · 2022-07-03T15:51:15+00:00

The key to all things sexual is open communication. I have always said, what do you want to know (I'm a guy, kind of an icebreaker). If the question(s) I get are vague, I would talk about my views of sex and a physical relationship. STD's, birth control, kinks, issues and baggage, feelings on an unwanted pregnancy etc. Any and all of those topics are better to talk about before anything happens. It could be a clear sign that one or both of you would be better off somewhere else. It may seem awkward, but it is what intelligent people do to try and avoid hard feelings and disappointment later.

wtknight · 2022-07-03T16:51:45+00:00

I don’t care about when it happens. A romantic connection is much more important than sex.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-03T16:10:46+00:00

It is not about what you expect, but about what you want and what you are prepared to express to the woman you are approaching. Men make the mistake of giving women full control over everything, the relationship, when sex happens, how sex happens, how sex is performed, etc. then they sit around and lament the fact that they have no power. Well yeah! You have all your power away like a little bitch. What did you expect to happen?

If you are a man who enjoys casual relations and want to get to the bedroom fast, then you need to express this to a woman. You need to tell her who you are so you empower her to make her choice. The choice is always "take it or leave it". If you are simply trying to be what you BELIEVE women expect you to be, such as a sweet caring guy who waits for 3 months before making a move, then you have no one to blame but yourself. In stead, present yourself to a woman the way that you would like to be perceived and let her make her decision. If you want a relationship, the be prepared to present yourself as someone who is looking for that type of woman. If you want casual relationships and fast sex, present yourself as a man who offers that without judgment.

But if you want casual and fast sex and then go on to slut shame women and talk about their "disgustingly" high n counts, please do me a favor and shoot yourself in the nuts now and then just go away.

Play_Muted · 2022-07-03T16:07:24+00:00

marriage

2022-07-03T15:49:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

throwaway164_3 · 2022-07-03T16:36:46+00:00

When you do as a man expect sex to happen in the course of dating or relationships?

Ideally 4 to 6 dates if it’s via online dating, sooner the better.

Are you fine with waiting several months until a long term committed relationship has formed before sex enters the picture?

Only if she has treated other men the same way in the past (very difficult/impossible to know, I agree). Otherwise, I want her to show she finds me sexually attractive and physically desires me (kissing, heavy making out, etc)

Do you care if she had casual sex?

Nope

Do you only care if her number is higher than yours?

Nope. I expect it to be, because women have much easier access to sex.

Is it a specific number?

I might get uneasy if that number is in the high 100s, but mainly due to my insecurities. Otherwise no problem. Also, If her number is really high but she makes me wait, then I’ll get uneasy. If her number is high, but she sleeps with me readily, absolutely no problem.

What's the number and your age?

No fixed number but let’s say > 200? My age is 34

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-07-03T17:11:45+00:00

Depended on the girl. I was always upfront and was like “hey you know I want it, but I’m not gonna pressure you to do anything before you want to” and that usually weeded out any “no sex till marriage!” Women (who if that’s what they want, cool! Just I’m not a good match for her)

But usually by the third date you kinda had an idea of she was into you and it was going to happen or she wasn’t and it wasn’t.

801735 · 2022-07-03T15:54:04+00:00

When you do as a man expect sex to happen in the course of dating or relationships?

Asap, to see sexual compatibility.

Do you expect sex immediately and claim that she's not attracted to you otherwise?

No. And she can easily be attracted to me non-sexually, too.

Do you expect sex before commitment, because otherwise she is using you?

Yes. And not just sex. It has to be a pleasant experience for both. And the path leading to it must be enthusiastically smooth from both sides. Don't underestimate the requirement of the enthusiasm and smoothness of acceptability of the offer by the guy.

Are you fine with waiting several months until a long term committed relationship has formed before sex enters the picture?

As much no as she isn't fine with waiting several months until I offer to pay for anything. We're in a nothingship until we're not in a nothingship. And nothingships come with 0 expectations and "duties".

Is it a number or what?

N-count is a numerical thing by definition - it's counted. The specific number is a matter of personal taste and is also lied about A LOT. If it didn't matter the offer to have it publicly available wouldn't b as angrily objected as it is.

What's the number and your age?

42.

Patrickstarho · 2022-07-03T16:08:33+00:00

If we are not fuckinh on the third date, I will stop texting you.

Axeml · 2022-07-03T16:28:19+00:00

Usually after 3 dates, or it’s a next.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-03T17:27:21+00:00

When you do as a man expect sex to happen in the course of dating or relationships?

First month ish, both of my most serious relationships with sex in the first week, my wife and I fucked on our second date

Do you expect sex immediately and claim that she's not attracted to you otherwise?

If she's had casual flings, ONS. hookups, etc., yet want me to wait, 1. I'm out 2. Yes shes not as into me, which is fine, but I ain't getting played

Are you fine with waiting several months until a long term committed relationship has formed before sex enters the picture?

If she's a virgin or just has a body count of like one or two within the confines of a serious relationship I don't mind waiting, I'm not going to be with anybody who's waiting until marriage though, but yeah I'm a little more patient with that if I'm really into the chick, and besides it's not like I'm going to be monogamous during this time anyways

Is it a number or what?

I'm not as hung up on body count like other guys but even then there are things that are going to make you raise an eyebrow, if I'm with a woman and she's 30 and been with 10 guys, whatever, if I'm with a woman who's 18 and been with 10 guys that's going to make me raise a bit of an eyebrow lol

Do you only care if her number is higher than yours? Is it a specific number? What's the number and your age?

It's not preferable that her number be higher than mine 🤣, my number is 33 and I'm 36 YO, I doubt I would be with a woman who had a higher count than me

stats135 · 2022-07-03T16:34:01+00:00

Do you expect sex before commitment, because otherwise she is using you?

Depends on her past. If she had done so in the past, then yes. In the real world though, most women wont say they casually fucked Chad during spring break, they just claim they were in a relationship with Chad that just so happens to only last for the duration of a spring break. The basic strategy as a man is to mirror this. Offer the bf/gf committed arrangement to get the sex, and then just take that commitment away afterwards for the women that fucked Chad in the past.

Are you fine with waiting several months until a long term committed relationship has formed before sex enters the picture?

Again, depends on her past. If that is consistent with her past, then no problemo. The strategy still hold. Enter the commitment, and if it turns out she wasn't fucking Chad in the past, stay committed to her.

I want to know how many men that care about N count think that they can have these demands that she's going to sleep with them and not the previous boyfriends. Tell me if you care about N count and the specifics. Is it a number or what?

Caring is not a binary thing. The higher the number, the more caring there is. Its a spectrum. If I meet a 10/10 18 year old woman, that keeps my stomach full and balls empty every single day, and never demands anything from me, then what the hell does anything else matter? But real life doesn't work like that. She might not be a 10/10, the sex might not be daily, or she starts nagging about some bullshit. Then I'm left with a question. Do I put in the effort to maintain the relationship and please her, and to what extent am I willing to do it? The answer is inversely proportional to her n-count. If she was a virgin before me, I am willing to put in my all. If she had sex with other people for a drink at the bar, I ain't doing jack shit, she can fuck off.

Barely-moral · 2022-07-03T16:21:51+00:00

When you do as a man expect sex to happen in the course of dating or relationships?

In the shortest timeline she used on her previous partners.

Do you expect sex immediately and claim that she's not attracted to you otherwise?

If she had sex with any of her previous partners immediately, yes,

Do you expect sex before commitment, because otherwise she is using you?

If she had sex with any of her previous partners before commitment. Yes.

Are you fine with waiting several months until a long term committed relationship has formed before sex enters the picture?

If she made every single previous partner wait for several months until a ong term commited relationship was formed. Yes.

I want to know how many men that care about N count think that they can have these demands that she's going to sleep with them and not the previous boyfriends.

I ony care about n count because it is harder to investigate all of her previous relationships. Takes more work.

Tell me if you care about N count and the specifics. Is it a number or what?

I don't care that much.

Do you care if she had casual sex?

I only care about geting her best as defined by her past. If she had casual sex with her previous partners, then I want the same.

Do you only care if her number is higher than yours?

No

Is it a specific number?

No

your age?

Mid 30s

Harambe-2036 · 2022-07-03T17:24:21+00:00

I can have sex as early as the second date and having sex early or late doesn’t impact my opinion of them.

I probably wouldn’t wait super long though (months) because I’d view sex as being used as a commitment bargaining chip. And I think sex with terms is not healthy and will lead to future dead bedroom issues.

I want to date someone who finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me. If you can wait months, there is a problem IMO.

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-03T15:56:21+00:00

I calibrate based on the woman. If we hit it off hard with lots of flirting and banter/kino I expect it soon because obviously she wants it bad.

If she is taking it slow then I’ll play the long game.

Yes I expect sex before commitment unless she explicitly states that she has NEVER had sex before commitment.

If she says that she USED to but “isn’t like that anymore” I’ll see her while fucking other bitches on the side.

No I’m not fine with waiting until an LTR for sex. What if the sex is trash? That’s a big deal to me. Gotta test drive the car before you buy it.

Don’t care much about N count I just assume they’re all hoes. Up to them to prove me wrong. Not about the number it’s about the behavior associated. All hoes were virgins once she could have an n count of 1 but be a hoe because she hasn’t had the chance to hoe out yet.

All men care about is consistency. But women are extremely flighty and fickle so men have to adapt to that.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-07-03T15:41:06+00:00

1-2 months is fine

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Hoopy223 · 2022-07-03T16:07:53+00:00

Different for every guy imho.

Nobody likes to be made a fool of so guys will come up with numbers to try and sort out the women who are interested from the ones who aren’t.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-07-03T16:32:30+00:00

where im a from, casual sex is very rare like sex on the first date,there is basically no hookup culture, so men dont have that expectation, so in general u can be more relaxed and enjoy each others company, sex happens when it has to, at least thats my experience, the idea of sex wasnt on the table it just happened when we both feel comfortable with it, with that said my n count is one and the person i lost my virginity with was a virgin too but low n count arent rare where im from, also i paid for the dates and i was the one who took initiative.

now, for me is not that i prefer virgins of low n count women, is just that a high n count or a history of causal sex, fwb, dating players, bad boys etc, it is huge turn off for me, so i think an acceptable sexual past is just like having proper dental hygiene, i wont particulary fancy a woman because she has clean teeth but a woman wtih bad breath and dirty teeth is an instant deal breaker, i guess u can call it the bare minimun lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If u demanded me to wine and date a woman with a history i dont like i would definetly say no,i would think that maybe i should be more open minded but i definetly wouldnt pay the bill nor treat her the same way i did with my sweetheart, some guys say "well i dont care as long as she is consistent" but i stopped and i though "what does that change?" i know that if a high n woman had sex with me on the first date and did whatever sexual favors i wanted, that wouldnt change my opinion on her, so i dont waste my time trying to be more "open minded", "feminist" and "secure" of myself, i can be friends with one, but no relationship, what u want me to do? to pretend im into her? Attraction is a reaction, not a conscious action.

Neptune-Jr · 2022-07-03T16:37:45+00:00

It's about consistency for me. If she let other people sleep with her on the 1st date but makes me wait 10 months then thats a red flag for me. But I don't really expect sex until we both want to do it. There is no real time or number I'm expecting. It will happen when the moment comes. N count matters to me because I don't want to be someone 52nd it makes me feel like a number and that sex is just a shiny toy to her. Sex to me is an intimate experience so I wouldn't want my partner to have just been handing out sex like ice cream in her past it just doesn't mesh well with my views currently.

python834 · 2022-07-03T16:39:54+00:00

You should only date when you already have sexual chemistry, otherwise its a waste of time for both parties.

My gf only asked me out on a date when she knew she wanted it that night.

Steakman1 · 2022-07-03T16:56:09+00:00

I hold a more traditional view in regards to sex. So sex ASAP isn’t as important. Sex before being in a relationship is fine. But I only care about it once I see a good amount of potential in them for a relationship. The idea of hookups has always been seen as more of an ego boost to me rather than something super enjoyable. I imagine it’s a bit awkward and I would struggle more to get off. But, I can’t say I know that as fact since I’ve personally turned down any hook up opportunities I’ve had.

Finding out a woman I’m seeing has hooked up with men in the past is a turn off to me. Because while it’s fine that she’s done it, it shows that she doesn’t view sex in the same way as me. If I hear stuff like she makes men she sees potential with wait while also admitting that she’s hooked up with guys in the past, then that tells me her views on sex are inconsistent, or she’s willing to compromise her views on it for certain men. What else would she be willing to compromise about herself for certain men?

N count does matter to me. If a girl is 25 and has had sex with we’ll say 10+ guys, that that means it’s likely that not all those men were men she was in relationships with. Or they were all relationships and the relationships either didn’t last very long, or she continuously hopped from one relationship to another.

But there is something about me that might be a bit unique to me. I’ve always found myself feeling more satisfied giving rather than receiving. Meaning I find it more enjoyable getting her off rather than getting off myself. Usually it was me unexpectedly fingering or going down on her rather than her giving me a bj in those surprise moments. Unless I’ve had a dry spell, it’s pretty difficult for me to get off if I don’t believe she’s enjoying it or if I think she is pretending to enjoy it. This is something that probably would be a bit strange to other men here and some might even want to put labels on me for it. But it is what is and it’s how I’ve always been.

The point of me saying all that is that if a girl has a higher n count or much more experience, it seems like they are harder to satisfy and get off. Which consequentially would make it harder for me to really enjoy. Although I acknowledge this is something that will inevitably happen at some point with any girl I’m with even if she were still a virgin in the beginning, I’d rather that be something that has to be dealt with much later on when we already have a strong relationship established.

I acknowledge that even just the more traditional view on sex puts me in the minority here let alone everything else I’ve said. I think there’s also just something about the idea of a woman we really care about doing freaky stuff with other men that is very off putting. In modern times men have become more numb to it. But some not as much as others. And that’s why everyone’s number on what’s too much varies. I think most men have to accept that she let another man have his way with her before him. But accepting that multiple men were able to, some struggle with more than others. Then there’s also that inner competitive urge that men have to be the best and feeling down wondering if another man satisfied her better. I’d rather have a 33% chance or 50% chance at being the best rather than a 10% or 5%.

To answer your last question, I’m turning 25 in a few months.

TonytheNetworker · 2022-07-03T17:10:33+00:00

I probably would want sex no later than 4 dates or a bit over a month. Initially when I was younger I would slut shame because of my misogyny and dislike for women “giving it up too easily”. I reflected and realized that I have to be accountable for my actions and that I’m projecting my issues onto the women. As long as she’s wet and doesn’t have an STD I don’t care about notch count. Dating is hard enough as is.

Title	Sex and dating
Author	YouAskedIt
Upvotes	10
Comments	97
Date	July 3, 2022 3:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vqk3fa/sex_and_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sex-and-dating.1121577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121577

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