I am losing hope in the legal system.

Love-Pineapple-Pizza · 2022-07-15T04:28:09+00:00

I know it's hard and will dent your wallet but if your lawyer isn't representing you like you want, it's time to find a new one. It will cost you more if you don't.

Trytosurvive · 2022-07-15T06:35:29+00:00

When I was investigating with lawyer whether to persue charges of domestic violence with ex the tips were (im male) that may help you: Take notes of every threat physical or mental Take photos and go to dr if any attacks leave bruises to be documented by Dr. Talk to local police and get a statement recorded of what us happening in case they are called by you or wife Ring up child protection if any attacks happen in front of kids Do you have neighbours that can put in a statement? Friends? Work? Who know both you and your wife? If ex is pushing charges - does she have any lead up? I would document that she pushed assult charges after you called police -- was she safe living with you prior? If not, why now are charges pressed during breakup of marriage. I printed texts out where ex threatened me.. I would avoid any provocations, get a better lawyer and plan strategically how to defend yourself- especially now (well in my country) where a few men have recently killed their ex so males will have a tougher time . Police listened when I talked to them - though it shouldn't matter but I'm a small bloke with health issues which I think would get treated differently to a 200 pound 6 foot guy. You mentioned you had a female lawyer? Honestly I would get a male family lawyer- I noticed they tend to know how to better represent a male client...I could be wrong but past experience, female lawyers in family law representing males is a bit blah... I didn't end up pressing any charges

Alaric_theGreat · 2022-07-15T07:29:35+00:00

Become homeless for a year and see if it all goes away. Jk stay strong FIGHT! Lawyer up if the lies are that back you may have to go into debt but it will probably be worth it in the end.

No-Exit6560 · 2022-07-15T09:54:11+00:00

Your lawyer is going to determine your future.

A good one is worth their weight in gold and a bad one will cost you their weight in gold. Either way you’re going to be out of pocket.

Choose wisely.

vo_boi · 2022-07-15T10:53:54+00:00

Most likely will be dropped. Courts see this BS all the time from women. It's part of thier divorce starter kits.

Stay strong, be yourself, and fight for 50/50(especially temporary orders).

If your lawyer won't fight for 50/50 get a new lawyer.

oldskoolflavor · 2022-07-15T16:29:41+00:00

I was in almost the same scenario as you. And even though I am not completely out of the water yet, things do get better. First thing is first. DO NOT LOSE YOUR COOL HEAD. Be kind to yourself but also be smart. Life will continue. Do not let that bitch win by seeing you like a loser.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-15T08:57:06+00:00

You need to be 100% confident in your lawyer as this probably the most important thing to handle correctly and as soon as possible. The impacts of losing on a bullshit TRO will last the entirety of your divorce and possibly beyond. Get in there.

That said, follow you lawyer's preferred communications methods if at all possible. This is the time to support them in defending you rather than pushing all of the work to them - write the word document as she requests.

WartimeDad · 2022-07-15T18:05:01+00:00

Here we go again. Yeah happened to me and thousands upon thousands of other men. The justice system is indeed broken.

Get a new attorney immediately.

Long story short: most likely it will be dropped. However she is going to get a huge advantage in the divorce proceedings, as you’re already aware.

How long ago did the TRO occur? There are two ways to approach this, one is to fight the TRO right now. The other is to tie it to the divorce such that they try both cases at the same time.

This is extremely hard. Take care of yourself. Lift heavy weights and exercise. Be kind to yourself. This isn’t your fault and you’re going through hopefully the hardest time of your life. Eat right.

You can get a program that rips all the texts from the phone. You don’t need to subpeona them that’s ridiculous. But you can.

In my case over a year later I got the TRO dropped, 50/50 parenting time, I lost a ton financially and never got back into the house. Focus on what matters. Seek therapy.

furiousmustache · 2022-07-15T10:50:45+00:00

I went through what you did, except the TRO was denied because it was so aggregiously outrageous. We went to the hearing and after most of her testimony was given, she ended up dropping it. She claims she just wanted to get a Guardian Ad Litem and just kick me out of the house, but the judge kept siding with my lawyer and to be honest, I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to get up on the stand so she'd have to hear my side, uninterrupted. To be honest, after a month of preparation I REALLY wanted to get up there. I had all the audio recordings ready with time stamps. I had correlated everything with my testimony and given it to my lawyer. We were ready to rock.

Use this time to get prepared and make sure your lawyer is prepared too. Keep on them, make sure they're working for you.

jalopkoala · 2022-07-15T17:24:11+00:00

I’ll say everything leveled at me eventually got dismissed. But I had to field this nonsense on mutiple fronts.

Cops randomly at the door on fake calls.

Got called down to talk to an SVU detective once.

Child protective services “anonymous” reports.

Nonsense police reports filed.

I hate having to trust a lawyer who could bleed you dry… but my lawyer was very reassuring and got everything dismissed whenever it came up in court. We prepared counter motions challenging her fitness to parent for these fake accounts and requesting a psychological forensic examination thing. He told me it would all go away and not to give it too much weight and it did.

I finally caught her lying in email about things regarding our son. Included those in our next motion… and suddenly her lawyer has her settle everything.

I don’t know how to guarantee that you have a good lawyer. I hate that it is just luck. I hate this system.

rsmiley77 · 2022-07-15T22:50:30+00:00

Great advice in the thread. This occurred to me too. We ‘settled’ before hearing and that was that. Still didn’t get to see my daughter for two weeks… not cool.

My advice to you is that there are no do overs. You only get one shot.

I also did a lot of the work myself as I communicate in my job for a living. Put things together and then ran through with attorney to make sure we were both on the same page. My attorney was great at filing things and staying up on everything… not so great at arguing in court (not quite cousin Vinny bad) so I gave her rundowns to follow to keep our case focused. She actually listened and we rocked it in court after that.

YellowFever46 · 2022-07-16T00:29:58+00:00

Well the fact you didn’t pursue criminal charges means if you bring these allegations up in your TRO case now then judge is unlikely to believe you…..which makes sense because if you were not afraid for your safety back when it actually happened (you never called the police) why would you be concerned enough now to bring it up in a TRO case.

You say you have proof of her abusing you but that’s irrelevant for you to defend yourself against her TRO claims. It’s her TRO case. You never filed a TRO on her. Plus what is the proof? You do understand that even if she abused you that doesn’t mean you also didn’t abuse her. So your way of viewing this TRO is fundamentally flawed.

Depending on what she’s saying it very well might be enough to get a permanent TRO on you. Plus judges are elected and are afraid to just guess the guy doesn’t pose a real threat so they typically error on the side of caution and keep the TRO. Can you imagine the bad press the judge would receive if they dropped a TRO based upon a he said she said thing and days later the guy kills the woman.

You have to understand that at the end of the day, all your wife is really saying is she doesn’t want you around her and she doesn’t want you talking to her. If you fight this, then you could come across to the judge as a controlling aggressive guy who wants the TRO dropped so that you can keep coming around her and talking to her. So talk to your lawyer about doing what’s called a consent TRO.

Title	I am losing hope in the legal system.
Author	aie-m
Upvotes	10
Comments	32
Date	July 15, 2022 4:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vzf7o3/i_am_losing_hope_in_the_legal_system/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-am-losing-hope-in-the-legal-system.1123750 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123750

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