Needless to say I never thought I would be single and childless at 29F.

I feel like my childhood set me up for total failure but I’ve worked so hard to never be defeated. I am a SA survivor, working through that in therapy plus narcissistic, abusive and neglectful parents. Religious abuse, depression and so on.

Like total shit show. No problem. I worked hard, got a good corporate job, started therapy 5 years ago and just been trying to work on myself.

I thought I found love last year but my ex was a total narcissist, cheat, abusive and a liar. We broke up this year after finding tinder on his phone. I of course was so oblivious because his behaviour was exactly what I saw growing up. I always say, him and I could’ve been together forever as I know how to survive in dysfunction but I wanted more for myself and future kids.

Now, every time I see a friend or mutual friend get engaged, married or have a baby I CRUMBLE inside. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a wife and a mother but I just haven’t been lucky. I thought I’d be married this year with my ex and trying for a baby.

That coupled with being overweight (thankfully losing a lot of weight now - thank you cheating ex for the motivation) I just don’t know what life has in store for me. I literally stay up and want to cry!

I am the nicest, most loving, generous, caring person. Even my abusive ex said this as he told me I was stupid for a miscarriage (I did not - it was another issue).

I know I am not mentally ready after my ex to get married but I worry, like will I ever mentally be?

And men in my community literally write you off after 30! God so help me!

Someone pass me the tissues.