What will you tell your sons about emotions?

ReWildingOfMen · 2022-11-08T08:23:15+00:00

That ALL of them are essential and carry important data and wisdom within them.

I would read "the language of emotions" by Karla Macklaren to them. Maybe skipping the first half of the book, but the emotional descriptors are invaluable.

I would explain that their emotions are there to be trusted and listened to.

And to not trust anyone who tries to explain their emotions away.

I'd warn him of the danger, that any emotion can become stuck and congealed... And that when that becomes the case, one is at risk of wielding such an emotion indiscriminately.

I'd counsel, that a man must learn to offer holding for his own and others emotions... But that does not mean shutting himself or others down, nor likewise allowing unhealthy/stuck emotions to be lashed out against him...

I'd also offer him, that really in support of his fellow brothers and sisters.... The baseline skill, is that of holding space, listening and bearing witness to another.... And that yes from that foundation, offering advice or feedback is also possible.

And that aswell, there are times when hard and difficult truths are needed to be spoken, which again will require the trusting of yourself and your emotions.

Edit: (shout out to: mixing_saws for the nudge)

As a father we must teach our children how to discern truth, how to recognise the bio feedback within our nervous system when we are believing something that is convenient and when we are willfully pushing truth away from us.

Yes we must come to understand how there is a shred of truth in everything, but so to there are often lies wrapped around small shreds of truth, and we must become practised in unpicking the truth from lies and misdirection.

Infact.. as a man we must become truth, until it is a way of life, until it is our highest value.

With this important practice in place, our emotions are our greatest friends.

hendrixski · 2022-11-08T12:53:03+00:00

I teach my son about all the different vocabulary about emotions and to never use the word "angry", and to never let anyone else label his emotion as anger. Rather to correct them so that they attribute the correct emotions to him.

They will treat him differently if they think he's angry and they'll misattribute every one of his emotions to anger.

elebrin · 2022-11-08T13:38:15+00:00

I don't have sons and won't, but I tell my nephews this:

Your emotions are part of you, and how you feel is how you feel. You can't just change them. What you can do is control how you act. If you are angry, you can choose to lash out and do something horrible, or you can choose to make it better for the next person. That's always a choice you make.

Oscarmike111 · 2022-11-08T11:39:13+00:00

The ones he lets anyone see will eventually be used against him.

Who am I kidding, ill not reproduce so I dont really have to worry about it anyway

3G6A5W338E · 2022-11-08T11:29:41+00:00

Stoicism.

WhereProgressIsMade · 2022-11-08T16:03:32+00:00

My son is 12. I've taught him that emotions are neither right or wrong, but what you do with them can be. For example, anger is a prompt to action, learning to act in constructive ways is key though.

I've taught him that stoicism isn't bottling feelings up. It is learning to have mastery over your emotions so that they don't control or master you. Some ways to process them are taking time for introspection, writing in a journal/diary, (for religious folks, prayer and/or meditation).

Soon I'll teach him that displaying negative emotions is generally a turn off for women and should generally be avoided except with a few exceptions.

tonyplayzetc · 2022-11-08T15:08:12+00:00

Leave them behind when needed. If it is not something serious, there is no reason to express your emotions and try your best not to cry or get angry in public.

xMrjamjam · 2022-11-08T11:40:08+00:00

That you should never open up to women or show your emotions to a woman under any circumstances, act as if your very life depends on it because if you do your emotions will be at the very least used against you in one way or another.

lawott2 · 2022-11-08T13:24:14+00:00

I think most things in parenting are about setting a good example.

My own approach is to recognise them and accept them but to handle them as rationally as I can, with the long-term good in mind. If that approach strikes them as valid and seems to work for me, I hope they follow that behaviour.

macrian · 2022-11-08T15:17:18+00:00

That all emotions are valuable, but sometimes people will not understand you. People will belittle you. Sometimes people will consider your emotions as weakness. It's ok to feel your emotions, but always remember and trust the people that you show them. Learn to control them and also learn to feel them.

TheManlySebby · 2022-11-09T04:12:31+00:00

They're normal and should never be suppressed, but rather controlled and dealt with them in a healthy way. Don't vent out frustration using physical violence(unless in self defense), but instead talk them out in a constructive way, journal them down, or channel it into learning a martial art or some weight training. Exercise is always a good thing lol

When it's with sadness, allow yourself to feel said sadness and feel it however much is needed, but never dwell on it longer than a reasonable time because at that point, you're just putting yourself through a depressive state. Gratitude journaling and and meditation will help ease the mind in the areas needed while also seeking professional help if needed should be his way of dealing with it.

Still figuring out what to do about the other emotions though, sometimes your feelings about certain things change with experience so y'know. But so far I feel like I have a pretty good guide as to what to do with emotions and how to deal with them in a healthy way, right?

buppyu · 2022-11-08T10:05:02+00:00

That nobody will ever care about his because he's not a woman.

CookyMcCookface · 2022-11-08T17:27:20+00:00

The Macho Man answer is the way:

https://youtu.be/wz-VJl7UkB8

BooTheAbominable · 2022-11-08T19:02:15+00:00

That they are natural motivational instinctive reflexes and not to let the fashionable propaganda of the time to make them conflicted about their natural feelings and dispositions. I’d recommend to them read Nietzsche, Walter Cannon, Hans Selye, and Stephen Porges among others so they have firm solid grounding in the physiology and psychology of emotion so they won’t be psyched out by the mind crippling stupidities passed off as morality these days.

Tomato_Soupe · 2022-11-08T21:54:18+00:00

Men don’t have em, don’t be a little bitch 🚬🐟/s

the-donater12 · 2022-11-09T01:15:53+00:00

Some people may disagree with me, but to me, this is the best thing I could teach my son from personal experience.

You have emotions, everyone does, whether it’s sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, joy, etc…

It will be very tempting to show your emotions to a lot of people. In reality, if you do, they’ll lose respect for you or they’ll use them against you.

However showing your emotions and talking to someone about them is very important. Only share your emotions with your parents, your siblings, and a limited amount of friends that you trust. You’ll get the help you need from people who genuinely care, instead of showing your emotions to random people that won’t give a crap and lose respect for you.

Of course there are some exceptions of showing your emotions in public. For example at your wedding, at a funeral, at your loved ones weddings, at your graduation, moments of grief or achievement, etc…

You should also learn how to control your emotions. If you feel joy, don’t do dumb stuff, don’t stop working because of a limited amount of satisfaction.

If you’re sad (not depressed just sad), talk to someone close, go to the gym, distract your mind with something productive.

If you’re angry, listen to heavy metal lol, or go for a walk, try deal with whatever’s making you angry, or even beat up a pillow.

If you’re afraid, sometimes it’s something dangerous or stupid that you shouldn’t do, sometimes you’ve got to face your fears, sometimes you should ask for advice. It all depends on the situation that’s scaring you.

The most important thing is that of you need to talk to someone, don’t let your emotions build up, but make sure you’re talking to the right people.

osonim69 · 2022-11-09T01:29:04+00:00

Tbh I probably wouldn’t teach him about them, just that there’s no reason to be angry/sad about minuscule problems which don’t really matter, and that other people will always be ready to pounce on him at the first sign of him being overly emotional in any way

Slash-420 · 2022-11-09T02:20:01+00:00

It's complicated. But I will try to let him know that his emotions are as important as anyone else's. I will try to be there for him and teach him how to handle those emotions

Title	What will you tell your sons about emotions?
Author	Rad_Knight
Upvotes	55
Comments	27
Date	November 8, 2022 8:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ypf0nx/what_will_you_tell_your_sons_about_emotions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-will-you-tell-your-sons-about-emotions.1139408 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139408

Comments