Am overcoming

zugabuga · 2022-11-18T14:47:52+00:00

Together 26 years, married 18. Found out she was having multiple affairs in 2020. Divorced a year and a half ago. I’ve had one five month long relationship since. Just broke that off a few weeks ago and have decided to stay single. Much better! Having been in such a long relationship I would’ve never thought being single is where it’s at.

Got my dogs, I can do whatever I want, which for me is working on my hobbies pretty much anytime I’m not working at my job. I used to get ridiculed for that.

Classic_Dill · 2022-11-18T14:53:42+00:00

You're in a very fragile period, good luck. Remember that everybody makes mistakes. I was cheated on and i cant stand my ex, i laid down rules for her after the divorce, no contact, except about our kids (which is rarely) and she isn't allowed in my home or workplace ever.

I have become the man i wanted to be, i have very strict guidelines and boundaries, wants and needs. And if those needs and wants are met? i have a pandoras box of wonderful for the right female, i don't need her to be a slave, but she needs to understand our dynamic and have respect.

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-11-18T12:27:24+00:00

After my divorce I didn't date for years. Finally decided to give it a go again. Went through a bunch of women casually and then fell into a LTR. Although it was fun it was also shitty at the same time because most relationships are at least 50% shitty. So, at this point I've just decided to not get serious with women. If I meet one and we vibe then, sure, I'll hang out and keep it casual. But, I don't think I'll ever do a "relationship" where I have to answer to a woman ever again. Single hood is addictive.

Naibohben · 2022-11-18T11:25:15+00:00

Still helps me overcome the bad memories

Gattsama · 2022-11-18T11:01:20+00:00

Agreed, that's not toxic. Manipulating someone to be what you want, pretending to be something else to get them interested then changing the script, etc.. that's toxic. But just stating "this is what I am about & who I am, does it work for you?", and they are free to choose is just being honest with strong boundaries.

Good for you 👍

Individual-Reading-6 · 2022-11-18T10:52:41+00:00

That’s not toxic, you have standards now and you’re just setting and enforcing your boundaries.

Puzzleheaded_Suit996 · 2022-11-19T01:41:32+00:00

Choosing to be toxic is only going to hurt you, even though you really want to stick it to your ex. Just be your genuine self, if you were a good person to your ex, continue to be and dont let her take you to a place thats going to end up making you miserable. It fucking hurts, I got my heart stomped on by the love of my life, and she is not displaying any remorse. Oh man I wanted to get back at the world for that injustice, I literally poured my heart, soul, emotions, and finances into this relationship and she turned around and dumped me when I was having a hard time. BTW when she was going through a hard time I was completely supportive of her. Shit happens, shitty things happen when people dont know how to handle or cope with a situation. Just be a good person, and be the better person always. They may think they have an upper hand but they dont. Theyre miserable in their selfish behavior and you displaying selfless behavior is only going to drive them crazier. If you really want to "get back" at them, be better, be healthy, show them you can live without them and be better than you were with them. I hope the best for you.

rhett342 · 2022-11-19T08:02:10+00:00

As much as I hate being alone, I really can't see myself ever having another relationship again. I'll never subject another woman into doing that.

soontobesolo · 2022-11-21T21:58:48+00:00

You can put your own needs and priorities first but not be toxic or an asshole about it. Just be honest with whoever you are contemplating having a relationship with. But in a friendly way.

Title	Am overcoming
Author	Naibohben
Upvotes	7
Comments	28
Date	November 18, 2022 10:21 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yygqt1/am_overcoming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-overcoming.1140344 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140344

Comments