Will I get estranged from my children if not 50/50?

mehmench · 2022-11-21T22:31:32+00:00

Yes. Why wouldn't you take them 50/50?

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-11-21T22:32:17+00:00

Yes, I have a lot of experience with every custody arrangement (full-time with me, 50/50, and then EOW). I would highly suggest, especially with the ages that they are, that you aim for NO LESS than 50/50.

You can still pursue your own separate life on the weeks that you don't have them. That's what I did. I ended up dating other women who had 50/50 with their kids and we coordinated our "non-custodial weeks" so that we could be together during those.

But, for the love of god, I would not become an EOW dad with them at this age. You'll just become a visitor in their lives and you'll miss all of the parenting things that will really upset you in the long run.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-11-22T03:38:12+00:00

50/50 is the bill to die on!!

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-21T23:11:18+00:00

Fathers are not second-class parents. Do not accept being an every-other-weekend parent. I made 50% parenting time my hill to die on, and got it.

98% of the time you spend with your kids during your lifetime is before they graduate from high school. You don't have an opportunity to make it up later. So make the most of it now. You can't make the most of it when you're an EOW dad.

InWeGoNow · 2022-11-22T16:06:53+00:00

You must get no less than 50/50. You're not a family friend or visitor. You're their father and they need you.

Bradicus1581 · 2022-11-22T01:55:08+00:00

I want 50/50. My wants a couple days a week and EOW with me. The money isn't the issue with me. I'm sure it will be later down the line but I am exactly the same. Leaving is so sad for me. I miss putting them to bed, 6 and 8. Miss them waking me up in the middle.of the night to "fix their blanket". I never minded any.of that. My wife on the other hands "needs" her sleep and can get snippy or not wake up.

But I'm 20 minutes away and she is pushing for them sleeping in their same.beds for school. We are doing mediation and I don't want lawyers involved at all. I can't go through that for money and the process.

I don't have a solution just in a similar boat and miss them when I leave.

It's hard because I was a spouse at fault and I know part of this is anger towards me. Which shouldn't have to do with this but I get it.

jimsmythee · 2022-11-22T02:12:54+00:00

Yes, by being an “every other weekend dad” you and your children will drift apart.

I fought for 50/50 custody and the only way I got it was because my exwife had a recent conviction for “DUI With kids in the car.”

That-Lunch6059 · 2022-11-22T12:45:30+00:00

Avoid court. If at all possible, settle your divorce out of court (collaborative, negotiated or mediated) or at least settle the parenting aspects out of court.

If you get push back for wanting 50/50, push for her to get EOW, that way you'll have to meet in the middle at 50/50. Make sure there is nothing in your closet that would lead her to argue unfit father.

Don't lead her to believe that you'll need a certain arrangement in order to make the kind of money you need, in fact, don't say anything about your future earning plans....you don't want more money on the table that gets used in calculating spousal and child support.

sicrm · 2022-11-22T05:40:35+00:00

if you can get 50/50 go for it, but generally, it comes down to how the father carries himself and the respect (or lack thereof) the mother has for the father.

if there’s respect, I’ve heard stories where the dad pops up a few times a year if that and the kids adore him.

I’ve heard others where the dad is around, pays for everything, and none of them like him let alone respect him.

fewdo · 2022-11-22T11:59:01+00:00

I have my daughter and she sees mom on the weekends. They are super close and daughter gets excited on mom night. She loves her time with mom.

It's not the same as living together, it's not 50/50 but it's pretty good.

gaidaysi · 2022-11-22T20:54:35+00:00

I started out hoping for 50/50, she wanted 100% to start and then negotiated at 80. Eventually settled to 10/28 nights with me in the school year, and vacations split equally, so I’m getting 40% of the nights roughly. I did have an extra weeknight dinner added on, this way I’m with them for dinner half the time during the school year too. Would’ve loved 50/50 but I’m the only one earning, and since our situation is already tight, kids would’ve suffered even more with not having money either. I did grumble a lot about how situation would’ve been different had she been working, where I could’ve then had them 50/50 and also have better finances. It’s a huge learning curve though, I’m not able to spend as much time with the kids when they’re over as I’m in the kitchen or trying to clean etc, but basically whenever I have my weekend or other time off, have the kids with me.

oldschool818 · 2022-11-23T14:48:07+00:00

EOW custody puts you at risk of becoming a “Disney Dad” spending your limited time overly focused on activities. Example description: https://fathers.com/blog/featured-resource-center-page/dont-be-a-disney-dad-guest-blog/

Renee9485 · 2022-12-08T13:37:48+00:00

I just got awarded 50/50 about 90 days ago courtesy of an emergency order. Prior to that I had been the EOW Dad. EOW had some value in that it gave me some room to get get my life back together and create a new foundation for myself and my kids. It didn't come without it's challenges though. My ex suffers from borderline personality disorder and fits the bill of a narc so there were going to be challenges no matter what. If you have your affairs in order and you are sure you are ready for it, I'd say fight for nothing less than the 50/50 but if taking on that much responsibility will make you crumble, don't do it. There is no honor in precipitating your own downfall to look like super dad....try to think long term.

Title	Will I get estranged from my children if not 50/50?
Author	OidaOudenEidos
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	November 21, 2022 10:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/z1c9wm/will_i_get_estranged_from_my_children_if_not_5050/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/will-i-get-estranged-from-my-children-if-not-5050.1140673 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140673

Comments