Opposites attract, but the real reason for this might keep you up at night.

Over_North8884 · 2022-12-30T03:49:14+00:00

I thought opposites attract for the greater likelihood of genetic variability.

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-12-30T04:11:08+00:00

OP, are you talking about your experiences? It seems like you've experienced something like this because the thought process you describe is so incredibly specific. I will say, I've never been attracted to starting a relationship with someone who has different values and a different lifestyle. I like people who have similar hobbies, interests, and values. I don't like big social events and tend to be a homebody. So the people I've been with are similar because we can do what we like together.

The only opposites that really attract come in diverse genetics.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-12-30T04:02:27+00:00

I doubt that's the reason. Not everyone has some inherent need to be right, or need to validate their way of life by tearing down another. Besides if they both are this way, to the degree they would undertake such a fucked up relationship, they're not really opposites.

It's far more likely that because each person is so different, they're more interesting and it draws them both in.

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-12-30T04:19:28+00:00

Q4A

Favorite book? What genre do you like?

Recently I've been into classics, especially Dickens. Right now I'm reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

side note: I've been so much more into reading since changing my major from literature to psychology. Reading for pleasure is much more engaging.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-30T04:37:13+00:00

I'm not saying this is impossible. But I tend to think quite the opposite it is that each find the qualities, values, and opinions of the other seductive. The road not taken so to speak. And a relief from the tyranny of one's own opinions and ways of behaving.

Like if I take my boyfriend and I as an example.

He's a rough around the edges charmingly funny and gruff cynic pessimist and more on the realist end of the spectrum that life managed to disappoint and fail pretty heavily.

I'm the polished, bubbly, sunny, easily enthused romantic and fantasist optimist that life could never no matter how hard it tried fail badly enough to take away the magic and joy or jade more than a touch.

He'll straight up tell you one of the top five reasons he loves me is that when he's with me, he's able to believe life is full of love, goodness, joy, peace, people caring for each other, and that constantly being jaded and sure everything is going to hell is a waste of brain space. It's a relief to get to live in my world by proximity and on some level he wants to be seduced into being different because it's exhausting to be that cynical that often.

Conversely, I love how cynical he is. It's entirely refreshing and intriguing and hilarious how he sees life. And it gives me a space to express all things I find stupid, frustrating, evil, negative, and generally depressing and woe is me. The stuff that rains on my parade. And he makes me laugh and feel safer about the things I usually find totally objectionable and impossible to integrate into my world to the point I can sort of safely deal with things I usually just ignore or refuse to understand. And he makes me feel allowed to tell people to go to hell or get out of the way because not everyone is some unique blossom I have to be sweet to. Much like him, there's a part of me that finds pessimism and cynicism very seductive and relieving to the pressure of constantly trying to see the good and the sincere.

I mean I could go on in how we're different and that attracts, certainly we share a great deal in common as well. But I think the idea people are pained by others seeing the world differently is not a typical thing to these opposites attract relationships.

Title-Mother · 2022-12-30T04:50:54+00:00

uhh Yes and no. What you're describing is a toxic relationship where both individuals are emotionally immature/learning how to process their emotions. I can use myself as an example cause while me and my partner are both introverted I'm still extremely extroverted when I want to be. I can get pretty physical when hanging out with my friends and maybe spend an extended period of time with them and my partner doesn't mind that, and I'd feel the same if the roles were reversed. This doesn't upset my partner nor does seeing my partner being happy alone upset me. If anything I worry because human interaction is healthy and its important to hang out with friends every once in a while lol.

But lets say this does upset one of us. At the end of the day it's really about open and empathetic communication and growth and learning more about yourself. You're right, it's painful when you start to doubt yourself. Thing is, if you don't embrace that challenge you're more likely to keep your horse blinders on and encounter similar frustration and feelings with other romantic interests AND in yourself. So in the situation you laid out the following question is important for both parties to figure out...

"Why does this bother me?"

"Why does this make me feel uncomfortable?"

or I guess more specifically in this case,
"Why does this make me feel insecure/doubt myself?"

These questions are hard to face. Sometimes people can also feel like they're lesser because they have issues facing these questions and themselves in this way but that's not true at all. Everyone goes at their own pace and if you see others going one way and yourself going a different way- it doesn't make your way any worse or better. It's YOURS. So- opposites attract is honestly just an idiom imo. And, tbh it's likely that toxic and immature relationships like the one you describe is why that saying can sometimes have a bad rap. Humans fall in love far all sorts of different reasons, sometimes there are patterns but nothing is as formulaic as this example and similar examples sound. At the end of the day it honestly just comes down to personal growth and communication.

Hope this provided any food for thought. Hope yall are having a good uhh whatever time of day it is lmao

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-12-30T06:08:22+00:00

No, if anything they attract to compliment one another; the extrovert drags the introvert out of their shell, to whatever degree the introvert is comfortable with. And the introvert can be part of the extrovert's insurance that they won't ever have to be alone. But they don't have to convert one another. The extrovert admires how self sufficient the introvert is and the introvert admires the social energy of the extrovert. At some point they might pity each other, but there is no urge to convert the other.

The main reason they get together is it takes an extrovert to make the first move, regardless of whether it's the man or the woman.

MarBitt · 2022-12-30T07:17:03+00:00

It's an interesting point of view and there's something to it.

We became most attached to the dog, who could not stand being alone as a puppy. When he was tiny, we practically did not sleep because of him, unless he constantly felt our touch while sleeping. As a puppy, he was scared of stairs so I carried him even though he was already 45 pounds. On the other hand, he was very intelligent, sensitive and cuddly. Such a pure soul. I think the reason we became more attached to him than other dogs was because he needed us more. The next dog was very independent and brave from a puppy and even though he had our respect for that, we never developed such a strong emotional bond with him.

So yes, the more you engage with someone, invest effort, thoughts and feelings, the stronger bond you can create. And, if someone is opposite in such ways that it is impossible to say whether it is better or worse, then we are more concerned with them. Even on the basis of all mutual hurts.

But it's a broader spectrum. It makes us angry. It is a challenge to our way of life, to our prejudices. But sometimes it also fills us with wonder and admiration that something so difficult for us is so easy for him. And we want to learn and develop. And we are also happy that we bring new stimuli into someone's life, that they change and develop thanks to us, that they need us.

With the opposite partner, we experience a lot of new things already within the dynamics between the two people. It's like discovering a new world, which is simply different and full of risk, but also fun.

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-12-30T09:21:59+00:00

I hope the fuck not, extroverts piss me off, the last thing I need is to be in a relationship with one.

eth_trader_12 · 2022-12-30T14:59:49+00:00

Opposites don't attract. Every study has shown that the more similar we are to others, the more attractive we find them.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-29T20:43:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

TOMTEXOMA · 2022-12-30T07:06:30+00:00

Yes there is always a ying/yang aspect to any group. Take twins for instance, rarely can they follow the same life paths. Your example is the epitome of the biparty political system. And the acrimony is killing this country.

BiodegradableOffense · 2022-12-30T07:13:31+00:00

Maybe you should first estabilish that "opposities attract" before you go on a tangent about why.

Crubbery · 2022-12-30T10:38:43+00:00

I genuinely don't believe the idea that "opposites attract". I've never seen it in relationships in my social circles. It tends to be something that crops up in popular Western media because it makes for good storytelling - think "nerd + cheerleader", "bookish woman + gruff action man", "wealthy man + peasant woman", etc. People do well in relationships with those similar to them across many metrics - class, age, values, finances, etc. Sure, there are exceptions, but differences cause friction.

CimZim · 2022-12-30T11:08:26+00:00

Opposites attract, but only to a certain extent. A diehard Democrat isn't going to fall in love with a Trump rally-goer, an extrovert who's only hobby is going to parties and nightclubs isn't going to last with an introvert who is a total homebody, someone who makes their living on the pro poker circuit isn't in an LTR with an anti-gambling activist.

Mild amount of opposites attract and stay together because they complement each other and fill in the spaces where their partner is lacking.

gate18 · 2022-12-30T16:51:47+00:00

They don't unless you cherrypick things.

An introvert and extravert might be together because of the things they have in common.

Else ugly people and hot people would be together.

See, cherrypicking

imyoung_44 · 2022-12-30T21:24:13+00:00

Opposite people do involuntary hurt each other but that’s not what makes them attracted or stay together. I just think the reason opposite people relationship could work is for their being complementary and also is kinda exciting to be with someone very different from you, like you always have other points of view and can see how you could improve yourself too. Also seeing how you can love a person despite your differences is just a great feeling and makes that love feel so pure. At least that’s how i feel with my gf even tho cant neglect that sometimes is just exhausting

DerpDeHerpDerp · 2022-12-30T22:31:21+00:00

Opposites attract because people tend to hang out with similar people. That opposite partner gets a boost for being novel and exciting.

Title	Opposites attract, but the real reason for this might keep you up at night.
Author	LeanderGrant
Upvotes	1
Comments	52
Date	December 29, 2022 8:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zyfv2r/opposites_attract_but_the_real_reason_for_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/opposites-attract-but-the-real-reason-for-this.1145305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145305

Comments