"You have a lot of nervous energy, are you a shy person?"

xvszero · 2023-01-10T19:19:16+00:00

This is probably not going to help much but "I really try to control my body language and posture" to me is like... part of why you're going to look nervous. When you're chill, you're chill, you're not trying to control things you're just existing.

Tough though, I know. I'm an anxious mess most of the time.

WWhiMM · 2023-01-10T19:51:10+00:00

What if, instead of trying to control your body, you made a conscious effort to feel safe and open and loving?
This is the difference between classical acting (controlling every aspect of your mannerism) and method acting (where you try to embody the character you want to portray by adopting their mindset). I'm always very impressed by classical actors, but I think it'd be too much as a lifestyle.

fathergoose77 · 2023-01-10T18:52:10+00:00

Have you ever tried owning it? Like “yeah, I’m a little nervous right now because it’s our first date” or “because this is my first time out in a while” or whatever the situation is?

There’s nothing wrong with being nervous about a new experience. It’s good you are paying attention to body language. Taking slow, deep breaths can help your body regulate itself too if you feel your heart racing. Along with intentional movements like making the purposeful effort to use your hands in conversation or folding your hands on the table, doesn’t have to be specific, but I learned in speech class that sometimes moving with purpose can help us release some of that nervous energy that is being build up inside of us (maybe this is why you are fidgeting so much?). Idk, you know your body best so it’s something to think about.

Do you tend to feel nervous around the same person even after multiple hangouts? Or is it when you are just getting to know them? Because the second one can be pretty normal, especially for those who might be more introverted.

TheVillageSage · 2023-01-10T19:02:49+00:00

Hey, fellow nervous energy person here. Though I'm a woman, it generally looks the same and still isn't as acceptable as it could be. I understand you well and I'm sorry that you go through that. People can be so unnecessarily judgemental (though I'm not totally innocent here, I get it).

I did whole 'fake it until you make it' until I started bullying myself because of others. I want to say that you should just be yourself and eventually you'll find something, but it's so much harder when you're like that. Do you know if it's related to the bullying? Or generalized anxiety about other things?

I personally found that mine was related to the anxiety/PTSD I developed because of the "bullying" (which is really emotional abuse). When I went to treatment they taught me that I was struggling with "masking" (covering up my perceived "flaws") so that I could fit in better socially and romantically.

What you're struggling with is very normal for people who go through what you did, you just need to work on those emotional wounds they gave you. Are you able to attend therapy? Even attending a 12-step group near you can help you work through all that. Emotional abuse sticks to you like tar. 😮‍💨

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/what-is-masking

Mean-Dragonfruit4941 · 2023-01-10T19:40:46+00:00

Honestly if you admit your nervous it helps. Hiding it is just another thing to be nervous about.

Difficult-Ad-8109 · 2023-01-10T20:07:16+00:00

OP here, thanks for all the responses everyone!

tpobs · 2023-01-11T00:38:59+00:00

As many other people pointed out, the key to confidence is, accepting that nothing is perfect, embracing the possibility that you could fail, and that is ok.

My general advice is...many of those "self-improvement" are bull crap that trying to take money and energy from young people. It took me some times to realize that. There are genuine ways to improve yourself, but those are usually boring and mundane, like eating healthy and exercising, etc.

Another is...don't "try". When you go try-hard, it is bloody obvious to others and possibly make them uncomfortable. I've "tried" to date so many women, and in most cases it didn't go well.

Do you know how I met my spouse? When I met her the first time, I was sick of those dating games and shit, and tired of having a bad rep of "ladies man", so I just treated her as a person who has common interests(history), not a possible date. Then we met again, and again, and again, becuse we enjoyed the company and conversation. We learned about each other each time, and realized we have much more common traits than we thought. 7 years later, now we have a beautiful baby.

Would it happen everytime? No. But, relationship is like a bird, when you pursuit it with intent to hunt and all your strength, it would definitely fly away. However, if you let it be around you, enjoying company, then maybe, maybe the bird would flew on your shoulder...or call other birds to come here. Because they realized you are not a hunter, so they could relax around you. (Disclaimer: Im not saying women are birds, I'm saying "relationships" are birds. Notice the difference. Not every relationship is romantic, just some of them are. However, relationship is relationship. It means if you can't be a genuine friend with someone, then you are not likely to be a love interest to them. Oh, and "friendzone" is a bullcrap - we call that friendship.)

Several-Passenger320 · 2023-01-10T22:14:25+00:00

Sometimes were nervous or tense and dont know it. It wasnt until i took a yoga class and the instructor came to me and said 'relax' and touched my shoulders that i realized its a tense spot on me by default

Title	"You have a lot of nervous energy, are you a shy person?"
Author	Difficult-Ad-8109
Upvotes	17
Comments	20
Date	January 10, 2023 6:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/108guv5/you_have_a_lot_of_nervous_energy_are_you_a_shy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/you-have-a-lot-of-nervous-energy-are-you-a-shy.1146217 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146217

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