Q4M: What does “kind” mean to you? How are you not getting it in your present relationship? How are women “unkind” to you?

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-02-07T04:45:50+00:00

Tending to give the benefit of the doubt rather than rushing to negative judgment given little or no information.

Common_Sense_Dudd · 2023-02-07T05:59:09+00:00

I am lucky to have a very kind and courteous s/o.

That said, it took me quite a lot of dating around and disappointment to find someone like this. I was not even looking for perfection, but just someone good enough for a long term relationship to work out.

Some examples of the typical bs I had to face during the dating game, from other ladies...

Lying
Starting drama for literally no reason
Emotionally abusive and narcissistic behaviour
Character assassinating me to friends, if things weren't going as planned
Body shaming over superficial characteristics such as height
Getting "triggered" (i.e. being extremely closed minded and intolerant) at minor differences in opinion

This is not to say that all women are like this, but this was a large part of my dating around experience. I'm aware that plenty of men suck too, but I've only ever dated women. Maybe humans in general suck.

Kaminaxgurren · 2023-02-07T05:17:09+00:00

"Kind" to me is just friendliness and willingness to give, I guess.

Tree09man · 2023-02-07T03:59:01+00:00

Kindness by definition is friendly, generous and considerate.

Personally the woman in my life (my wife) does all those things so I have no complaints.

But what I do find and what my wife and I realized is that men and women have a fundamentally different idea on kindness and even that varries from person to person regardless of gender so it's very very nuanced between two people despite kindness being a very defined trait.

What some men seem to think is kindness is really agreeableness.

I personally have had women outside of my home be unpleasant to me but I normally don't take it to heart. I'm married to a 5ft 3" firecracker and I have 2 and a half (one on the way) daughters. I imagine that life for them outside the home is alot scarier than for me. I'm a 5'11", 180 pound man. They have to shield themselves from weirdos and being smaller and lighter are at more of a risk than me.

So I think sometimes guys forget this and assume a woman is unkind but doesn't realize that she may just simply be putting up a defense towards strangers. Even in the begining of a relationship. You don't really know the person yet so the walls may still be up. I do admit that I think some self sabotaging happens on both sides in that specific scenario but that's just my take on it.

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-02-07T04:32:48+00:00

Hmm not saying hurtful things not reniging on promises not lying

Hatanta · 2023-02-07T07:20:45+00:00

Kind means a person that sees men as people. And not as things to make their life better. This is something more common now, but I still remember how shocked I was when a coworker asked me how i've been and then actually listened to me talking about some family stuff and participate in a conversation about it.

How are women unkind ... well when they take for granted or expect men to just be side characters in the show that is their life.

I saw a dude go to a girl and ask her for her name and tell her she is pretty. Her reaction: Just no!

Another chick recently asked a friend of hers to borrow money - the dude earns a few times less than her - he is a video editor on the side and 19, she's a grown arse woman with a job. I wouldn't even consider asking - and if that dude came through I would be grateful to tears. She just took it like it was a lazy birthday gift.

The worst offenders are women in relationships - whether it's shaking your bumbum in a skirt you would not be wearing if you were single, talking over your man, or belittling him in front of you friends like he is your very own source of prepacked source of "female humor" - it's always been weird to me how women don't see any conflict between loving a person and disrespecting him so blatantly.

abaxeron · 2023-02-07T13:23:01+00:00

How are women “unkind” to you?

My favorite example that I repeated several times here in the last week alone probably. Right here on PPD women openly and proudly tell every day that they hold jobs to make it easier for them to divorce their husbands. Destruction of a man's family does not register on their radar as anything but "ackshully a good thing".

I once was stupid enough to bump uglies with a woman who compulsively criticized me for everything. I wish I made that up, but things occasionally got to absurd levels - such as the way I walk. In quite a short time span she cheated on me, and the reason cited was... we aren't even married anyway, and I took too long to respond to her texts. While visiting my relatives in the middle of nowhere in an area with poor cellphone coverage.

Obviously, school teachers occasionally demonstrated wonderful tendency to give girls extra credit and grades for having better handwriting. And forcing boys to stay after class and help clean it up, or re-insulate windows, or carry some heavy furniture here and there. Obviously, with no credit and grades.

Q4M: What does “kind” mean to you?

Not being like the examples above would be a great start. I'll repeat myself: we have women right here, on PPD, openly and proudly saying that their labor rights are important because they make it easier for them to divorce their husbands, and they say it without flinching, basically every day.

No_Reflection_798 · 2023-02-07T06:45:11+00:00

A conglomerate of how my most recent relationships broke up:

Picking fights. Seriously. There were several in a row leading up to the break-up. One was her saying, "Hey, I saw so-and-so today. I asked them if you had ever gone over to say 'hello' to them like I told them you would, but they said that you hadn't." Full-blown fight.
She was extremely foul-mouthed. Joking around, her and her sister would be on a video chat together and say stuff like, "You need to scrub your stanky pussy, biatch." I winced. She caught me wincing. Full-blown fight. Break-up.
She tested me and gave me ultimatums. I passed every single one...until I didn't pass one. Fight. Break-up.

So, not acting like that. Bare minimum.

Instead, I know women here will sharpen their nails at this, but smile. The smile is programmed into our DNA. Animals do it in the wild. You smile at people you meet for the first time, your family members, and your friends. Why not smile at someone who you are at some stage in a relationship with? Why treat them differently, and worse, than everyone else?

Small signs of affection. Literally scratching the back. A hug. A smooch. Letting me do the same.

Not to treat me with distrust and suspicion. This is a big one.

Taking our side. We'd defend you with our life. Seeing our point of view would be a nice reciprocation.

dontwaitliveyourlife · 2023-02-07T03:56:56+00:00

My wife cheated on me 7 months ago. I'm still trying really hard to forgive her. It's still tough sometimes. Lately, it's been really hard. I'm trying to find the courage to get some therapy and figure out what I should do.

Diligent_Divide_4978 · 2023-02-07T04:49:14+00:00

Accept the fact that my autism will never harm you unless you deliberately try to harm me.

I am not getting in it my present relationship because I have never had one.

Women see me stim, hear my monotone voice, hear me talking about my special interest, and/or see my "dead" eyes and walk away, call me a creep, call me an asshole, call me selfish, or laugh at me. Sometimes this happens before I can even open my mouth to speak.

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GhostofCamus · 2023-02-07T13:37:09+00:00

I judge kindness based on how people treat those they're allowed to mistreat. Especially when there's no reward.

uksasman58 · 2023-02-09T00:50:15+00:00

OK for me, kind is an umbrella term. It covers the following: - Respectful in her actions and communication - Understanding my life and experiences - Considerate of my needs - Supportive - The ability to back down - Not attacking emotionally

I experience the opposite of this

Workaholiconew · 2023-02-09T14:00:23+00:00

So, men of PPD, how are real life women not kind,

Deceitfulness: All my exes but 1 cheated on me. I refuse to do any relationship.
Uncooperative behavior: Women, particularly young women, will want the best but refuse to provide much besides sex (many not even that), and politeness died by the 90s.
Uncompromising behavior: Women will leave/ignore you in the slight chance of a problem, mistake, or shortcoming.
Unreasonable behavior: Women will have unreasonable expectations of reality and refuse to use logic/realism, even when it is expected of them as "supposedly" adults.
Willingness to hurt others: Women will assault physically, morally, socially or sexualy anyone they think they can get away with be it because they are self controlled or too weak.
Social addiction: Women, particularly young women, will bend over backwards for "society at large" without any question or doubt... even if they are to hurt those close to them.
Unwillingness to self improve: Women will not improve themselves or even regret not improving when they are bad/incompetent/evil....
Unwillingness to communicate: Many women are completely unwilling to communicate needs, desires and wants in a verbal and straightforward nature, even when they are way too aware men are NOT psychics nor socially interested beings.

and what does a “kind” woman do?

Someone who is not those... Or at least has less of those than the average.

Most guys are so desperate that even someone who is just not too much of a bother to deal with is considered "Kind".

You have to remember... men work hard to AVOID problems... not being the source of problems is the kindest act possible.

Title	Q4M: What does “kind” mean to you? How are you not getting it in your present relationship? How are women “unkind” to you?
Author	Safinated
Upvotes	16
Comments	35
Date	February 7, 2023 3:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10vr7h9/q4m_what_does_kind_mean_to_you_how_are_you_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-what-does-kind-mean-to-you-how-are-you-not.1151678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151678

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