What parts of your prenup or steps taken before/during marriage ended up saving your ass(ets) in one way or another?

whattodo1216 · 2023-02-18T22:40:51+00:00

We did a prenup in a state that had at fault and no fault. It was relatively simple. I never commingled my big assets. Before getting married, I was upfront that if there was a divorce, I’d rather burn everything to the ground and start over than hand over a single cent.

Caught her cheating. She could’ve gone after one major asset acquired post marriage, but I told her if she didn’t walk away from it, I’d happily do an at-fault trial, and gave a preview of my witness list along with the heads up that my lawyers would be in touch with her company’s legal department with a documentation hold on her work phone and email. She signed a morals clause and was fucking a client while telling me she was at work events that didn’t exist.

Had her basically over a barrel, she signed everything out in front of her and walked away only with a car.

rsmiley77 · 2023-02-18T16:04:04+00:00

I’m currently working on a prenup with attorney that has two important things in my opinion. I’m well into my 40s. She’s in her upper 30s. We both own homes and she has her own small business. I make decent money….

1) expectation that we are both ‘independent individuals able to provide and support our own selves both now, during, and potentially after marriage.’

2) we must go through a mediator for divorce proceedings.

I have a pension that is off limits and for not touching that I give her a large chunk of any rental income and some other marital assets that occurs.

Yes I know don’t get married. I was very fortunate the first time that my now ex was an idiot. I agree with the long post that the worst thing you can do is marry young and the second worst thing you can do is commingle pre marriage assets.

FUMoney · 2023-02-18T11:54:11+00:00

Don’t get married. It sounds like your personal Titanic already is on an iceberg collision course.

jimsmythee · 2023-02-18T06:10:01+00:00

I was just dating my now ex-wife when I put a contract on a new build house. It would take 7+ months to complete.

We got married and all seemed ok. But when the date of escrow came, about 3 weeks after we were married, the bank said, "well, your credit is much better than hers. So we will keep the same interest rate and payment for a 15 year loan, if she signs a deed disclaimer. Otherwise, if you want her name on the mortgage, we will do the same payment plan, higher interest rate, but 30 year loan." She signed that deed disclaimer, the house was always only in my name.

11 years later (5 years after she found pills), we are getting divorced. She tried to have the deed disclaimer thrown out in court, but the judge said "nope." The house stayed my separate and sole property.

Throwaway4120213 · 2023-02-18T03:06:30+00:00

No pre-nup but what saved me - some luck and some strategy:

Ex was a SAHM - I had multiple job offers with a significant increase in pay but ex refused to move. Turned those down and other promotions because ex was “overwhelmed” and wanted me to leave work at 4pm everyday so I couldn’t advance in my career. In hindsight - I would’ve been hosed with alimony. When we divorced - my earnings was half of my potential and luckily that was what alimony was based on. I immediately found another job making a ton more and have financially recovered within a few years.
Ex has a higher education degree in a high demand job and did part time work towards the end. Was able to get good income imputation - still a fraction of what I made but it still saved me quite a bit.
Had a large inheritance that I never touched or commingled.
Bought a home well below our means. Do not sink all your wealth into a home. People here run into the issue where the home is their only asset but they have kids and don’t want to uproot them so they give the house to their ex or let them stay for 10yrs and then have no liquid assets for themselves. My ex easily was able to buy me out with her share of 401k assets so there was no excuse for her to pull the “I want the house for the next 10yrs and then sell.”
Never turned over financial autonomy. Kept a separate bank account that my paychecks got deposited to - came in handy once it was time to get lawyers and get all my ducks in a row.

In hindsight - other than just not getting married - this is what I would say:

It would be foolish to put all your eggs in a pre-nup to try to protect marital property or alimony (for pre-marital property that’s fine). You need to have Plan B, C and D strategies as well to mitigate your risks.

Never marry someone with significantly lower earnings potential than yourself. Inevitably it will become “why do I need to work when your salary covers everything and mine would just go to childcare”. You marry a teacher who probably never would have made more than $75k even if she solely focused on her career. Okay so they sacrifice to be a SAHM but then is able to find a job for $50k. Great - you think the fair thing is you compensate them for their loss income of $25k. NO - if you make $500k - you hand over $150k in alimony. Did being a SAHM cost her $150k in her career trajectory when a teacher’s pay would’ve been capped at $75k even if she never became a SAHM?
Assess the marriage at every milestone to avoid it becoming long term. Like everyone else - the time you first think about divorcing to when you actually do it may be years and by then you’re hitting 10yrs, 15yrs, 20yrs on your marriage where indefinite alimony is on the table.
Do not get married young. Wait until you save enough pre-marital assets that can’t be touch. And then get a prenup protecting those assets and do not commingle them - that will be your safety net. Also starts the clock on marriage later so alimony get reduced.

streetsmartwallaby · 2023-02-18T02:48:33+00:00

IANAL. You should definitely discuss this with a divorce lawyer.

My understanding is that for a prenup to hold up it has to be reasonable and agreed on by both parties without duress.

Probably best way to do this is to have your lawyer (who hopefully has some skill / knowledge in this area) draft it and she has her lawyer (also with some skill / knowledge) review it.

I think anything too lopsided or unfair (that is obviously somewhat subjective) or one signed under duress or without legal review would be easily invalidated.

For instance something that says I hold onto what is mine from before we were married is probably okay. Something that says I get to keep all the money I make and you don't get any alimony (when wife is a SAHM) is likely not going to be upheld.

Again IANAL and you should discuss with a divorce lawyer.

RideATX · 2023-02-18T02:46:14+00:00

I had one, it didn't really do anything in Texas. It was just a nice chip to have to prevent her from trying to come after my trust. You can't really pre-nup out of 50-50 asset split of marital assets. Just kept her and her lawyer from trying to go after any gains in the trust during marriage. I was careful to not comingle during the marriage tho.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-02-18T01:53:31+00:00

Doubt you’ll find too many fellas on here who had prenups, much less ones that held up.

Title	What parts of your prenup or steps taken before/during marriage ended up saving your ass(ets) in one way or another?
Author	Iappreci8thegr8r8m8
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	February 18, 2023 1:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1152uaz/what_parts_of_your_prenup_or_steps_taken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-parts-of-your-prenup-or-steps-taken.1152265 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152265

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