Not enough people seem to realize there is both SMV (sexual/short term) and MMV (marriage/long term). Two different markets.

The traits that make you valuable in one often hurt value in the other.

Ex:

  • High neuroticism tends to make for high volatility, high spontaneity and short term fun. Tends to make cooperation over time for long term very difficult

  • Partner numbers, especially in women. Experience is great in a short term partner. Most men don't want it for a long term partner.

A chunk of common dating frustration comes from conflating value in one with having value in the other.

Especially if you put substantial effort into improving only to see zero results because your effort helped the wrong market for your goals.