Hi Everyone,

My wife and I have been married for 19 years now and have had our ups and downs (some big). I noticed her change overnight about a month ago, and since I kept asking her what was wrong. She finally had enough of my badgering and straight out said she was no longer attracted to me both physically and emotionally. As well as saying that came to terms with it and feels better. Since then I have been a wreck; sick, emotional, crying, not sleeping or eating etc. I am sure the typical things. Considering I did not want to just quit and walk away I pushed her for us to get therapy. She flat out refused and said there was no point.

I reflected a lot over the weekend and know what everyone is going to say. I kept denying it, and dismissed my fears for the past month. I noticed a lot of "off" things, including her behavior. I came up with ideas, but always came up with plausible explanations... I have never seen any "proof", and even though having that in my defense would be beneficial, it doesn't weigh very heavy in my state. Not to mention I have kids involved... so going out and trying to screw her over isn't something I will do. So yes, I imagine she is having an affair, even if it's an emotional one. I think the coldness the night of this talk really nailed things down, as I was destroyed and she had a glass of wine and got in the tub to read...

Anyways I am sitting here this morning miserable and not sure how to survive this. I plan on calling a therapist this morning and getting in ASAP for support. And that brings me to my first question; what type do you guys recommend?

Secondly we agreed to stay living together for three months until my son is done with this school year. She wants us to just act "normal" to not stress out the kids. She is having ZERO issue with that, I have no idea if I can make it. As I walk around and see all of her things, her of course, and inside "our" home that I know soon I won't be living in. If I can keep it together we won't be fighting, yelling or doing anything like that I am sure. BUT I wasn't sure how many of you guys did that, and if so how the hell did you make it?

Lastly, I have kids, both who are special needs (ASD) but very high functioning. My wife's main job is to shuttle them to and from school, and my eldest to work. Hence she doesn't work herself, although she also refuses to due to some paranoid delusions she has had over the last three years. I am not asking for "legal" advice on that (I know it's not permitted). I just wanted to lay out the entire situation.

So I am completely fucked up right now. Every horrible emotion is flowing through me, and considering we barely make it in life with 100% of my paycheck. When this is over she won't be able to support them... ugh , I even realized last night that she no longer would have health insurance. AKA we can't afford a fucking divorce... I don't know what she has in her mind. I guess she thinks somehow I will sacrifice everything and funnel every penny I can find. And will be using the kids against me.

At this point as fucked up as it sounds, I hope she is cheating and fell for someone. And would considering either living with him, or getting married. That way I know the kids and even SHE would doing OK.

Any thoughts, insight, advice or comfort would be amazing. Thank you guys so much.