Something about this is utterly horrifying to me

LogisticBird · 2021-03-05T16:27:51+00:00

I really don’t like a lot of things here and a lot of what this woman is saying screams red flags for abuse imo. She shouldn’t have to “develop a spine” and “teach people how to treat her”, especially in a relationship. This sounds exactly like my abusive narc ex telling me to grow up, stop being so sensitive, stop crying, and stop being emotional when he’d leave me in tears after yelling at me. I also really don’t like that she’s “mixed” on the idea of sleeping with him, but she’s willing to anyway. Sounds like a lot of boundary pushing to me.

Street_Narwhal_3361 · 2021-03-05T17:14:46+00:00

Her kids need therapy cause of what they have heard???? Jesus wept.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2021-03-05T17:32:42+00:00

I’m reaaaaally tired of this nonsense that I’m always seeing about a relationship being stronger because a couple constantly fights. I’ve had a friend tell me her toxic relationship is stronger than my calm, pleasant one because my husband and I do not argue about anything. We may have differing opinions about 2-3x a year on serious subjects and may try to persuade one another but we do not get angry or raise our voices at one another.

A strong stable relationship should NOT be rife with fighting. Compatibility is not just sexual or looks; your partner doesn’t have to have the exact same beliefs as you but it’s just not a healthy environment to have strife every couple of days in the home. It’s just smacks of forcing a square peg into a round hole. If something doesn’t work for you, forcing it does not make you noble. It makes you silly for exerting all this extra effort into something when you could be expending that same energy into something meant to work out.

ThoraFriganza · 2021-03-05T18:09:53+00:00

Sounds like she's terrified of him when it comes to sex so makes me suspect that he has raped her but she's trying to see it as just unhealthy bdsm 😬

snowwhite224 · 2021-03-05T20:57:54+00:00

I’m sorry the kids heard??? And now need therapy? Someone call CPS!

jasmine-blossom · 2021-03-05T19:54:15+00:00

The saddest part about all of this is that if they do you go see a therapist, especially a “sex positive” therapist, it’s very likely that the therapist won’t help (or won’t know HOW to help) them recover from BDSM. What she really needs is a trauma specialist, bc that’s what this was/is.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-03-05T20:19:05+00:00

All those quirky articles saying how cool and healthy BDSM is... yet the smarter ones come with a full paragraph of disclaimers about how BDSM should be safe and consensual, needs a lot of communication, a whole Ted talk on boundaries... etc.

The average young woman or even teenager reads all those disclaimers and thinks she knows what and what not to do, as another commenter says, most of the time she will have an illusion of control. She actually relinquishes control, to be controlled by someone else, gives permission to be insulted, degraded, humiliated being done onto her, but she is supposed to be in control? You can't consent to being harmed.

"No but it's actually the sub who is in control and the dom does only what the sub wants".

Okay then why do all BDSM communities online talk about how a "good dom will learn what buttons to push to bring you to new pleasures".

How doms "train" their submissives (as if they were a dog) to do what he likes and wants, often it's also about the submissive getting used to pain or the "intense" (not pleasant, confusing) feeling of the particular act.

How the submissives endure pain or humiliation to prove how committed, loyal or innocent they are to their doms... etc. Of course this is regarded in a positive way saying how sexy or what a good sub the submissive is.

Can the kink-fans stop trying to make contradicting statements be coherent? "Yes you're going to be tied up, without being able to move to escape, defend yourself or untie yourself, but you're actually in control". No, you are dependent on the kindness of your non-immobilized partner, you're not in control. The only difference is that your partner can have a conscience or not.

"Your partner is going to hurt you physically, insult you and humiliate you, and enjoy it, but you actually want this and they still respect and love you". Do you hurt your family and friends on purpose and enjoy it? Your children? Do you like it when you fall or hit yourself accidentally with something? Why would any of this be different when it's about sex?

"No but I feel sexual pleasure when I feel pain too". You're a minority, most submissives try to find something positive about the situation, try to ignore the pain they are enduring and focus on the pleasure if there is any. Even if you do enjoy pain, would you want to be with someone who respects you so little they want to hurt you?

Repulsive-Ad1092 · 2021-03-05T19:27:48+00:00

Oh my God, this one, the TikToks of husbands messiness and the woman who is traumatized after her husband manipulated her into having kids when she was CF... I still see myself being married and with children but honestly if I end up single for all my life I will consider it a blessing

thewetdog_ · 2021-03-06T03:49:19+00:00

Therapy for the kids because of what they may have heard, am I reading this right?

Subjecting children to watch or hear you having sex is a form of sexual abuse.

Inthefullspectrum · 2021-03-06T03:18:04+00:00

I am from a country where adults making therapy just because is pretty normal in some circles (money and educated wise, I mean) but the kids also needs therapy??? Jesus Christ, some people shouldn’t be parents at all.

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