What age gaps actually are alright ?

Inareskai · 2021-02-05T20:17:22+00:00

It's more about life stages than the actual gap.

The reason 19 and 28 is weird is because there's so much personal and emotional development that happens in that time - the brain literally isn't finished developing until someone is around 25.

But between 33 and 41, whilst there is a significant amount of potential experience, there is less actual biological development left to happen and generally both people will have completed most of the 'expected' life stages - they're more likely to be aligned in terms of social situation, dynamics, set up etc. of course this isn't always the case, but it is the case significantly more often than between a couple who are 19 and 28.

For your 'who do you have a chance with' question: In my experience most people, though not necessarily everyone, often ends up with someone within 5 years of them. I'm marrying someone who is a whole 2 months younger than me. There were 3 years between my parents. There are three years between my partner's parents. There's about 6 months between my sister and her husband, as well as about 6 months between my soon to be sister-in-law and her husband. My friends who are in relationships with the biggest age gaps have a 2-3 year gap usually (I don't know the exact numbers).

As for why gaps are demonised in older people... I've generally found that they aren't? My dad is now in a relationship with a woman who is 54 and he's turning 63 this year. No one's ever commented/batted an eye at the gap. They absolutely would if she were 18 and he was 27, but because they're older it's never even been commented on. So I've never seen it demonised, so I can't say why people do, but I think it's silly if they are.

bruhcrossing · 2021-02-06T02:17:04+00:00

I think it should be by percentages. A 28 year old dating a 18 year old is weird because that ten year age gap is more than 50% of the 18yo’s life. A 60 year old and a 50 year old is less weird because that ten year age gap is only 5 percent of the 50yo’s life

Soft-Neat8117 · 2021-02-05T22:08:28+00:00

I don't know. General consensus seems to be five years or less. A gap of ten years or more is probably quite unlikely to work out, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.

My parents were an odd example, as my dad was actually ten years younger than my mom (I say "was" because he's dead). She was 40 and he was 30 when I was born. Though their marriage wasn't done out of love, because they didn't love--or even like--each other. They pretty much only got together because of me (I was born out of wedlock) and because they were both poor and had to combine resources. My mom has said that she never would have been with my dad had she known he was that much younger than her from the start. Though the age difference was by far the least important problem with them.

Society tends to look down on older men who date younger women (though they aren't as harsh when it's older women dating younger men). The man is seen as immature, shallow, misogynistic, predatory, going through a mid-life crisis or some combination of the above. Meanwhile, the woman is assumed to be a gold digger and/or suffering from Daddy issues. There's probably a lot of truth to this, but it's not always the case. In fact, I think if others didn't judge it as harshly, there might be more people willing to date outside of their age range. But at the same time, a significant age gap usually spells trouble because they're at different stages of life. One person wants to party all the time, but the other wants to stay home and read or play games. One is spending money like there's no tomorrow, the other is starting to save for retirement. One person wants kids, but the other isn't ready yet. Those differences can have significant impact on the relationship, likely resulting in an eventual affair and/or breakup.

Most people end up dating people close to their own ages because they have more in common. Similar stages of life, similargoals, similar beliefs and interests, etc. As for me, I'm actually behind in life compared to most people my age. I'm 25 years old, a virgin, never been on a date, never even kissed a girl, unemployed, still living at home and don't even have a goddamn driver's license, and that's not going into my physical flaws. Most girls my age have dated, kissed and lost their virginity, have driver's licenses, cars and are at least somewhat established in their careers. Hell, most of the girls I went to school with are already wives and/or mothers (largely due to teen pregnancies, but still.) Clearly they wouldn't be interested in me. It will take many years for me to catch up. I know I will eventually since most people stagnate in their thirties, but I estimate that it will take around 7-10 years to get in shape, work out my mental issues and make enough money to not be considered broke. By that time, I'll be in my early-to-mid-thirties and my options will be practically non-existent. Hell, they're pretty much non-existent now.

While there are some older women that I find reasonably attractive, I'd never want to date/have sex with them no matter how good they look for their age because I have enough mommy issues already and don't need any more. Plus I don't want to go down the same route my parents did. While my tastes will likely change as I get older (at least that's what people say), one thing that probably won't is the fact that I don't want to be with a woman who has children because I want kids of my own and don't want to raise someone else's children (maybe if I'm infertile, which it wouldn't surprise me if I was, then I might be willing to be a step dad). Most women in their thirties (especially mid-thirties onwards) have kids from previous relationships, so finding a woman who doesn't would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. A woman in her twenties is less likely to have kids. Though I really don't want to get married anyway and I'm strongly considering just having kids through a surrogate and raising them on my own and I'd probably prefer that path since I'd get to call all the shots without having to "compromise" on anything and I wouldn't have to risk losing them in a divorce. But that's a last resort and it'll be a long time before I decide to have kids (I don't plan on having kids until at least my late thirties), so I'll worry about that later.

Basically, date outside your age range if you want, but be very cautious because the chances of it lasting are pretty low.

cabsmom2020 · 2021-02-06T05:00:48+00:00

I prefer 10 years younger to 5-6 years older than me. I'm a woman. I will go farther in the older direction depending on energy level and personality.

I think whatever the individuals involved are comfortable with is good as long as it's legal.

The last man I dated was 10 years younger.

DP8414 · 2021-02-07T19:05:44+00:00

It changes as you get older. Remember when we were in highschool, and it was weird if like a junior dated a freshman? By the time you are in your 30s, the acceptable age ranges expand by up to 15 years. A year and a half ago when I was 30, I briefly dated a 42 year old woman. We went out to dinner once, held hands in public, and no one looked at us weird or otherwise judged us.

As a general rule of thumb, I think the Rule of 7 is legit. (Oldest: Your age, minus 7, times 2. Youngest: Your age, divided by 2, plus 7). This rule compounds with time. It’d be acceptable for me to date as young as 22 and as old as 48. And honestly, I’d feel okay with both. I don’t agree at all with people who say you should only date within your age range becuz compatibility. Attraction doesn’t care about that.

zoemondo · 2021-02-05T20:39:24+00:00

Some people use this rule: half your age +7.

So, A 40 year old shouldn't date younger than 27. A 20 year old shouldn't date younger than 17. A 30 year old shouldn't date someone younger than 22. A 60 year old shouldn't date younger than 37.

Age gaps matter a lot when the couple is really young, but not so much as they age.

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-02-08T03:15:15+00:00

My rule is no more than seven years in either direction if you're 25 or older. Younger than that your lower end range is going to be smaller, for good reason.

This is because I believe seven years is around where you start to lose that sense of being on the same page with someone. A decade is a long time, so many things can change and happen to a person in ten years.

You want to be in a similar life stage to the person you're with, to have similar priorities and a compatible idea of not just the distant future, but the immediate one as well.

tenmileswide · 2021-02-06T01:46:14+00:00

I won't comment on the frequency, but how predatory can it be especially if you're both at least 21? When women do this they're called cougars and its generally seen as empowering, not predatory.

Iron_Chip · 2021-02-05T21:51:20+00:00

My fiancé is 11 years older than I am, and while I get some surprised looks, it’s not really a big deal. If you don’t make a big deal about it, no one who matters will either.

RedPillDetox · 2021-02-07T19:32:41+00:00

Any age gap is acceptable provided it's legal, as long as there's no abuse happening.

RedPillDetox · 2021-02-05T23:32:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Mentallyillretard · 2021-02-08T17:35:52+00:00

Age gaps alone arent predatory, unless its an adult fixating on a child

2021-02-09T21:48:01+00:00

I’m in my late 30s and still bang young chics. I’m bald but tall and very athletic . These chics are not interested in me in a relationship but I’m also not interested in them to be fair. Just a good smash. It’s not a sugar daddy type thing but I am Interesting, I do have a personality which pretty much no guy in the US has, So it’s easy for Me. As a foreigner in the US I don’t think the guys in the us realize how boring and pathetic they are. They are many times u sympathize with females the guys are just losers. This is why woman don’t care if you go Mgtow lol

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-02-12T23:33:01+00:00

To me as long as it's consenting adults , I don't really fucking care

Title	What age gaps actually are alright ?
Author	GarglinMay0
Upvotes	7
Comments	27
Date	February 5, 2021 8:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ldg0yy/what_age_gaps_actually_are_alright/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-age-gaps-actually-are-alright.1192983 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192983

Comments