OK, this might be a bit long, but I’m looking for some genuine advice about what to do next.

About a week ago I (44m) got back from a few days out of town for work, and my STBXW was *in heat*. From the moment I got out of the car she (38f) was ready to throw me down and use me any way she could. After the last couple of years of being shut down almost anytime I attempted to initiate, this was a welcome surprise. She told me she quit taking her meds. At first I put it down to that.

After a few days, it’s like all she wanted to do was go to bed or argue. She told me she’d been talking to an old ex and that she wanted us to be poly. I wasn’t interested and told her. We spent the next two days just arguing. And then Friday, after a long week catching up at work, as soon as I walked in the door, she told me she was done.

Four hours of arguing ensued. She hasn’t been happy in years. I’m blind and never cared about her. So many other men want her and would treat her better. I’ve never supported her the way she needs. Everything she could say to hurt me she said, as she was packing her bags. She told me she was going to file for a separation on Monday. She had some guy waiting nearby to pick her up. He’s “just an old friend.” I think I know what that means.

Since then, she’s been incommunicado.

We have children, but they’re both from previous relationships, and the only one still living at home is mine and about to be 18. I’ve unfortunately had to deal with divorce and custody issues before, and I’m glad that’s off the table this time.

I’ve been working for the entire marriage, while she has done a few entry-level things here and there. She hasn’t stayed anywhere for long due to some ongoing mental health issues.

We’ve got a house, that’s doubled in value since COVID, but that we still owe about $120,000 on. We’ve got a car that we still owe about $19,000 on. We’ve got about $20,000 in loans and credit card debt that was incurred during the 9-year marriage.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be at the bank first thing to take her off the account so I can keep paying bills. I’m not really sure if I need to make an appointment with a lawyer yet, and I don’t have a lot of money left after the bills are paid.

I spent the weekend with my kid, trying to stay sane, but what’s next? If you were in my shoes what would you do when everything opens back up after the weekend?