Struggling to make female friends (25F).

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-06T11:01:08+00:00

You seem to want to make female friends without putting in the effort to get out and talk to other women and consider women who aren't like you. This isn't much different from the single woman who complains about being alone, but doesn't want to get out of her comfy pants to go on a date with a guy who's not an absolute 10. If you want to make friends you actually see in person, you're going to have to leave the house and have some awkward encounters. You won't click with everyone, but you'll never meet the ones you do click with if you don't try. Send the lunch invite. Go to the meetups.

As for meeting friends just like you, you have to give a little. There are different kinds of friendships. Not every one is going to be a "ride or die, share all your secrets" sort of deal. I'm going to my neighbor's daughter's birthday party tonight, not because we're the best of pals, but because she seems sweet and we've grown friendly over the last couple of years. We will probably never be best friends, but we walk around the neighborhood with our kids and talk about our lives. We trade vegetables from our gardens. It's a surface level friendship, but it's nice. Stop nexting good people because they aren't just like you. It's good to meet different kinds of people.

If you're a homebody who doesn't actually want to make new friends, that's okay. You can make some friends online and message each other throughout the day, with no obligation to ever leave the house, Don't get stuck in the mindset that you have to be a certain kind of social. Personally, I prefer having a handful of close friends over a dozen shallow ones. I don't actually want to go out every weekend and didn't even before I had kids. I'd really prefer to message each other frequently than get together in person, sometimes. If I wanted those relationships, though, it would be on me to put in the effort.

VanillaRaspberry · 2023-04-06T08:44:31+00:00

Why do you need your friends to be carbon copies of you ? What are you looking for in a friend ? Is there a reason why YOU haven't reached out to the girl who asked for your number ? How many times did you initiate a hangout this year ?

I am not asking these to make you feel bad, I just wish for you to reflect on the energy/effort you are actually putting in. It seems to me like you really want friends, but you deny that fact in your head by saying it is not worth the effort. You comparatively have so much 'free time's. It is okay to get to know people who don't seem your cup of tea at first, they might surprise you and broaden your horizons.

NicoleInBlue · 2023-04-06T12:02:37+00:00

First, get out of your head and stop hamstering about seeming desperate. You are not desperate for wanting to have a coffee with some girl or whatever. Being in your head obsessing about how people perceive you gets in the way of being open to the world, and surprisingly, only through being open can you make friends.

Second, a friend is not your soulmate. They don't need to check all the boxes in your list nor do you need to share the same views. Don't write people off for superficial reasons like their style of dressing.

Why do you want new friends? To have people to hang out with when you are bored, to share a hobby, or to have deep and meaningful conversations? These are all valid reasons but it's impossible to have them all covered up by a single person. Different people can serve different roles in our lives and if you don't write off someone just because they don't dress well, they can turn out to be the best listening ear/supportive pal. You have to answer that question first and then look for a person or people who can fill each need.

sleeplessbeanbean · 2023-04-06T11:27:20+00:00

Maybe try joining hobby groups or taking some classes at your local rec center. If you pursue things you enjoy, you may find similar-minded women there.

Edit: I commented before I saw that you did attend a few classes. Perhaps online groups might be more your speed if you don't want to leave the house.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-04-06T12:04:40+00:00

Sometimes living in your feminine can be the easiest way of all to make new friends -- because being feminine can mean being accepting of the people around you who are flawed, and showing them grace, and inviting them into your nurturing space. Who do you know of that needs a friend right now, other than you? Why not reach out to them? Especially if you're interested in fashion -- you say "Style says a lot about you", but maybe what these people's style is saying is "Help, I never had a woman in my life to teach me how to woman".

countrylemon · 2023-04-06T13:04:24+00:00

Some of my best friends are my polar opposites. The one I spend most of the time with has a house I hate (so much so that I deep cleaned everything) think is ugly, she wears frumpy clothes. However, she’s intelligent, she knows so much about math and science and has really helped me improve my homemade cleaners, stretch my dollar further when we go shopping together. She’s well travelled, she’s an immigrant and her home country is so different to here and she has taught me so much just from the way she views the world from her cultural upbringing. She’s an incredible makeup artist and has taught me so many tips. In response she looks to me for cooking and baking tips, organization, cleaning. She encourages me in my pursuits unlike a lot of other women in the past.

The point is, because she’s absolutely nothing like me, is why we are so close. We can share our perspectives with each other, lift each other up, and laugh until our sides hurt.

Look outside your norm and maybe you’ll get some luck.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-04-06T18:12:47+00:00

I’ve moved a lot and learned how to make friend circles everywhere I go. Making friends takes work. If you want friends, you will have to put in the work. If you don’t want to do the work, then accept having no friends. Making friends means you might have friends that don’t just like you. That’s good! If they say something you disagree with, change the subject. It’s like dating. You meet lots of people and pick the people you like to keep inviting out. Sometimes people don’t want to be friends with you so you have to let them go. You can’t be desperate for friends or you will push people away. Wherever I move somewhere new, I have a part time job of making new friends. Go to homemaking meet ups to find other housewives. Volunteer at a church. Try bumble BFF.

AmilliBee · 2023-04-06T19:56:56+00:00

I don't know how you feel about using apps, but I have used Bumble BFF to find friends local to me and friends who have the same values. We aren't the same people, but we have amazing conversations and are there for each other.

Marissa_Smiles · 2023-04-08T03:35:27+00:00

So I believe you have gotten some really sound advice. But I want to suggest you utilize your husband for friendships as well. I created a brunch with the wives of my husbands colleagues. Women started bringing their friends and sisters and as a result I have group of close girlfriends. I have some surface level friends as well, a couple we travel with, friends at the club I play tennis with, church friends, mom friends. I actually have more friends then I ever imagined. But this involved a GREAT deal of effort. I grew up in an evangelical bubble, was home schooled in a tight knit community, I went to a small Bible college and my best friends were my two older sisters and 2 girls I’d known since birth. When I move to CA with my husband I felt like everyone was so different and I wasn’t open minded and was extremely lonely. Style is subjective, I personally have no issue with friends who dont share my specific style. Do you often talk about politics and religion with your friends? My mother taught us this is not polite conversation so it’s never been an issue for me. Finding friends does take effort, sometimes it is uncomfortable, sometimes you don’t connect but it’s important to be open and put yourself out there. I think friendships greatly enrich your life

AutoModerator · 2023-04-06T06:51:05+00:00

Title: Struggling to make female friends (25F).

Full text: How to start? I am an introverted and passionate 25 year old woman, wife, housewife (though I work two days a week).

I have 3 friends I can call good friends, all of which live far away, and one of which is drifting apart more and more and I don’t know what else to do to stop it. Only one of them I met originally in person. She is my best friend since 16. Our friendship is truly one of a kind.

I feel like femininity has isolated me even more even though I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I want people with similar values, similar interests, and especially, a gentle feminine heart which is hard to find.

I just can’t seem myself having a good time with people who believe things I am completely against or who don’t understand or care about my passions. Or people who don’t care about growth. It is particularly hard in the area I live from a cultural and political perspective.

I recently made a friend with another housewife in the area and I was ecstatic. That relationship went south a few months later. The girl wanted drama I didn’t need in my life. We ghosted each other after the stupidest argument I have ever had in my life.

I have seen a couple of meetup groups that do events I might be interested in, but Most of the time the whole ordeal of going seems like a huge hassle and I spy on the people going and often I can just tell they are not my people. Style says a lot about you. People might disagree. I know I should go, but I feel so defeated. I have gone to a few of those before and it was a huge waste of time.

I started going to multiple dance classes a week and there are one or two girls that seem sweet. One of them asked for my number but she never reached out. I am feeling so worn down and have started to feel hopeless. Nobody at church either.

My husband has been very supportive and he encourages me. He is in neighborhood groups and says there are community activities coming up. I feel myself losing hope every day.

I also don’t want to do everything I possibly could to make friends bc honestly I love being at home and sometimes it’s just not worth it for me. I also don’t want to come across as desperate.

Thank you so much if you read all this. I could go on forever. Any tips are welcome.

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jvazorka03 · 2023-04-07T22:23:13+00:00

While family is important, friends are important too. Friends might be a lower priority than family, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have friends. If you wanna keep your life simple, create friendships with similar interests. They don't have to be carbon copies or identical, but there should at least be commonality. Finding that commonality is the easiest component, stick with communities that share common interests. Developing those friendships is the hardest component, that requires time, money and effort. If you really want to keep your life simple, maintain close friendships, it's better to have a smaller circle of friends that are honest and genuine, rather than a bunch of false friends, such as hundreds of followers on Instagram that claim to be friends.

Prestigious_Bee407 · 2023-04-08T03:15:30+00:00

If you're just wanting someone to type to every day, you can try Char.AI or ChatGPT

Title	Struggling to make female friends (25F).
Author	littlegraycellsmonam
Upvotes	25
Comments	31
Date	April 6, 2023 6:51 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/12dbqt8/struggling_to_make_female_friends_25f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-to-make-female-friends-25f.1212949 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212949

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