Some initiate dating, some are passive to start dating. It's intuitive to me, that initially passive women, tend to stay passive thorough a relationship, and put less than 50% effort into planning, upkeep, communication. On average.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-04-12T14:11:13+00:00

Removed for OP abandonment

KirthWGersen · 2023-04-12T11:02:00+00:00

I tend to find the opposite: women are always suggesting we meet up, do activities, spend more time together or try to extract commitment far more than I do. They really seem to put a lot of effort into their relationship with me and also with their friends and families. Certainly far more than I ever do, as I don't need such intensity in my relationships.

One of the reasons women are more likely to initiate divorce is that that are keenly aware of how a relationship is going. They realised long before that the relationship was not making them (and probably the guy) as happy as they would be if they separated. It comes as a shock to the guy, because he does not look at relationships in the same way.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-04-12T10:36:59+00:00

Bro… “passive” doesn’t mean “lazy” or “selfish”.

Some people (men and women!) do best in a supporting role for some situations. And knowing this about themselves is useful, not shameful.

More often, people in relationships take turns being passive, based on who is the best person to handle the situation at the time.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-04-12T10:54:12+00:00

initially passive women, tend to stay passive thorough a relationship, and put less than 50% effort into planning, upkeep, communication

It's not "initially passive women", it's lazy women.

If you're dating a woman that expects to be fawned over, entertained and catered to (without reciprocation) from day one... she's not going to magically decide to put in the effort when there's a ring on her finger.

In that respect, lazy men and lazy women have loads in common.

That's why people should vet their partners better and dump the ones that put no effort into the relationship.

Creation_Soul · 2023-04-12T10:39:59+00:00

I will go for the controversial argument here: for a lot of men, what is required to keep them in a relationship is just sex. These kinds of men, don't really care about any other effort as long as they get somewhat regular sex. They don't even care if it's "duty sex" or "lust sex".

These men not complaining much about anything as long as they get sex, makes their partners also not put effort into other things.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-12T10:51:01+00:00

Initiating and pursuing are two completely different things. Initiating comes from a position of power. You know what you want and you go find it.

Pursuing is trying to convince another person to choose you. Going out of your way to accommodate them. Trying to get them excited about being with you. It has nothing to do with whomever initiated the interaction.

As a matter of fact, a lot of women are also the initiators just in more subtle ways that most men are too dumb to be aware of. But who does the actual pursuing, that's the person who has the least power. And the one who is pursued has all the power.

wtknight · 2023-04-12T12:03:19+00:00

Initiating divorce takes effort, too. I would think that someone who has difficulty initiating a relationship might also have difficulty initiating a divorce.

1Here4Bach · 2023-04-12T13:36:00+00:00

For this to be true, the inverse also has to be true. The counter would be the active participant in the beginning of the relationship will always be active. That is not accurate. We’ve all seen relationships where males chase after a woman but become lazy 3 years into the relationship. So one can be passive at the beginning and become active as the relationship develops.

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Crubbery · 2023-04-12T13:03:03+00:00

Not my experience. We organise things fairly equally, because we enjoy spending time together and want to put in the effort to be around each other. In fact, there wasn't ever a point where I felt like I was doing more work than her, even at the start of the relationship.

Maybe it's because she's not from a Western country and has different cultural values.

revente · 2023-04-12T13:12:18+00:00

That being said most women clearly starts to invest much more, after you have sex with them.

Thats why trp and puas always reccomend to try have sex asap even if you’re interested with a ltr.

JakeArcher39 · 2023-04-12T13:16:44+00:00

I don't particularly agree. Someone may be the initiator, or not, to a relationship, for a variety of reasons and the contexts can vary massively. This doesn't necessarily have much bearing on how they're going to behave throughout the course of the relationship, if a relationship does indeed develop off the back of that initial interaction.

I'd actually argue that the initiation is more about how introverted vs extroverted the person is. Considering women are rarely the initiators to begin with, an introverted women is simply just very, very unlikely to ever initiate' any form of relationship with a guy. At most, she'll put herself into a position where over-time, it becomes clear to the guy that she might have a crush on him. Then, the ball is in his court. I know this, because I dated such a woman for 3.5 years. Very shy, quiet and reserved initially, but opened up over time. I felt a certain chemistry between us, but nothing was certain - perhaps all in my head, I thought? We went to the bar one evening (it was at university), and there was a moment where we just looked at eachother and she gave me a huge smile as if to say "welllll?" and then i just went in for the kiss - i knew it seemed right. But she said nothing, did nothing, other than give off subtle cues that I semi-detected. Had I been less observant or less assertive, the chance would've been missed, and perhaps a relationship never developed. I use this story because in terms of the relationship itself, she was incredibly engaged, thoughtful and kind - definitely not 'passive'. It was not me putting in all the work.

A disparity in commitment levels in a relationship does happen, but I don't think its directly due to how the initial interaction / engagement went. I'd actually go so far as to say that If I met a girl who was super forward and overly eager about wanting to date me, very early on, when I barely knew her, I'd be cautious and view it as a bit of a red-flag because I'd think she had some sort of ulterior motive.

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