Being forced to pay child support for the months I have my daughter by myself

smoishymoishes · 2023-05-14T17:32:24+00:00

Wtf? Can you request a different judge or get a lawyer to try and fix this?

Child support is for the child, it makes zero sense that the person caring for the child is sending that child's money to the person who doesn't even have the child.

Since your ex put forth her request for child support from you, ask for child support from her in return. That way y'all are just swapping money in circles and she isn't profiting while not even caring for the child.

UnbentSandParadise · 2023-05-14T18:01:28+00:00

Is your lawyer aware of this already? Have you talked to them about how this doesn't make sense? At worst I'd suggest you would be happy to see the money you pay while you have your daughter put into a trust for your daughter instead.

ChaosOpen · 2023-05-14T21:27:13+00:00

Could you imagine how different divorce court would look if the state didn't collect a part of any child support and thus they had no financial motivation to collect said support but instead decided custody and child support solely based on what is in the best interest of the child?

aknabi · 2023-05-14T19:47:51+00:00

Welcome to equality. I was forced to pay for my daughter’s college… I wanted to give the money to the university, but had to give it to my ex (reason I had to pay was due to fraud by my ex, which California found out about, but ignored… another long story)

Ex spends it on a flashy car, booze and coke… my daughter is loaded up with student loans… the State of California should be so proud… this is feminism’s nirvana… they talk about Handmaid’s Tale and Gilead… they’re version that they’ve created is as bad

bluewater778 · 2023-05-14T17:12:40+00:00

I would move to a different country and never return.

AspirationsOfFreedom · 2023-05-14T14:42:51+00:00

Im not familiar with the laws, as im not american nor have kids (and i am intent on not having any)

But could this be a rounding difference? As in if you have her 0 months, you pay 12.000$ a year in childsupport, 1.000$ a month And if you have her 4 months, thats only 8.000$, but averaged out to 666.67$ a month

Feel free to correct me or add info, i'd love to learn.

Wow 50 upvotes and 0 explanation.... come on sub, teach this childfree another "perk" of kids!

Royal_IDunno · 2023-05-14T21:03:33+00:00

One of the many reasons why I don’t personally want to have kids. It makes me feel distrustful of some women not all of course just some. I hope you can find a way to fix this as it is extremely unfair on you.

KelVarnsenIII · 2023-05-14T22:37:28+00:00

Ask for DIRECT EXPENESES for your daughter, you will see your human trafficking fee reduced by several hundred a month. EVERY DAD should be asking for DIRECT EXPENSES. Do it, youi'll be thankful you did. Good luck

Also, don't use a lawyer for this, you know your story better than they do and can articulate it better. Tell them that your daughter is with you the majority of the time and you'd like CS reduced immediately. There's ways to get around this, but you have to advocate for yourself.

antonulrich · 2023-05-14T17:49:21+00:00

It's common, unfortunately. I don't know what your state's laws are, or which of the two states has jurisdiction, but in many states child support is based mainly on the income difference between the parents and not on the parenting time percentage. Also they always order child support as a fixed monthly rate - so you might be able to argue to get the monthly rate lowered, but I don't think you'd be able to get an order where you pay only for the months when you don't have the kid.

penguinsrcoolaf · 2023-05-15T05:36:38+00:00

I saw in a podcast recently that each state makes an insane amount of money from child support. That's why they nearly always award high amounts of money to the mothers, cause the state always takes a cut. What a corrupt system.

Equal-End7695 · 2023-05-14T22:51:59+00:00

I had the exact same problem and fought it and won in court. You need a different attorney.

Ok_Neighborhood5832 · 2023-05-14T20:29:29+00:00

So it’s 50/50 then? Whoever make more money would typically pay the other person in order to keep the houses equal. 50/50 regardless of how that time is divided up.

o0o0ohhh · 2023-05-14T22:35:35+00:00

What the fuck? How is that fair? I hope they fix this. My god.

JamesJ74 · 2023-05-15T10:56:13+00:00

To all the young men out here before you do anything with these girls read and understand this book.

The feminist lie it was never about equality

By Bob Lewis

Visible_Juice_4204 · 2023-05-15T11:20:08+00:00

My dad had to pay my mom child support for a good 9 months after I started living with him. Thankfully my mother was decent enough to give that money back to him, but legally speaking she could have kept it.

Child support exists for one reason, and its to give single moms a free ride through life.

randonumero · 2023-05-15T13:17:35+00:00

Have you spoken with a lawyer in your state? I'm asking because you mention that you're in PA and she's in Texas. I assume that means your daughter is currently in PA with you. If that's the case and your original hearing was in Texas then speak to a lawyer about a change of jurisdiction. States differ, but after a certain amount of time your daughter can be considered a resident of where you are and not Texas. That makes it easier for you to get hearings, benefit from family laws in your state, not get screwed by an inability to show up for hearings...

If the hearing was in PA then there's probably not much you can do aside from trying to reduce her mom's overnights or attempting to get certain other offsets that may or may not benefit you. For example, you could offer to allow her mom to claim the child tax credit every year in exchange for your child support being reduced by 300/month. You could offer to buy her mom 2 round trip flights to PA each year in exchange for your child support being reduced another 100/month. If you don't already, you could provide healthcare if your child support is reduced 300/month. You can also ask for a travel allotment to be reduced so that during the months you don't have your daughter you can travel to Texas.

Ultimately you're paying because the system sucks and you had the bad luck of having a kid with someone not earning as much as you. My dad knows a female doctor who after divorce had to pay alimony and child support to her ex-husband. The kicker is that his timeshare was virtually 0, the judge was just an asshole who I think held against her the reasons for the divorce.

I do advise speaking to more lawyers depending on how old your daughter is because if I'm reading correctly, I don't know how rotating the kid between states every 4 months will work with school

Poly_and_RA · 2023-05-15T08:26:08+00:00

This sucks but is in at least some cases understandable. The way it works in Norway is something like this:

The cost of raising the child(ren) is calculated based on the income of the parents.
That cost is split proportionally between the parents, according to how the income is distributed between them; so if for example parent A earns twice as much as parent B, then A should pay 2/3rds of the cost of raising the child(ren). (since they have 2/3rds of the income)
With an equal split in time taking care of the child(ren) the higher earning parent would still owe some money to the other; they should pay 2/3rds of the cost, and they pay 1/2 the costs directly by having the child(ren) for half the time.
So in this hypothetical example, they should pay 1/6th of what it costs to raise the child(ren) to the poorer parent. Despte the fact that they share care for the children 50/50. (because 1/2 + 1/6 = 2/3)

You say in a comment that you've told your lawyer and that the lawyer had expected your payment to actually be higher; so sounds to me as if something similar is happening in your case.

Personally I think the most important thing here is that you DO get to parent your daughter in a meaningful sense. Put your effort into doing the best possible job of that.

Men *are* massively disadvantaged as divorced parents; but the worst outcome by far (and depressingly common) is to not get to meaningfully, or at all, parent your child(ren) and nevertheless have to pay for most of it. There's a double whammy where first you don't get to see your kids, and THEN you're told that the fact that you don't see your kids, means you should pay MORE.

Acceptable-Change204 · 2023-05-14T14:46:26+00:00

It’s only money… focus on being an incredible Dad… I paid 15 years of child support for a daughter that lived with me 80% of the time, I provided the stable housing, went to all the parent-teacher meetings, arranged all her medical care, help pick her college, paid for it 100% , planned and paid for her wedding… It’s about you and her, not her Mom… you’ll never regret it

No_Discipline_7867 · 2023-05-15T07:35:50+00:00

It doesn’t surprise me. I’m sorry you’re going through that.

The_Real_PMC · 2023-05-15T21:56:02+00:00

Not allowed to see your child, you pay up. You see your child you pay up. She never informed you she had the child, but hits you with back dated child support, you pay up? She raped you and got pregnant? You still pay up.

Child support is not about supporting children but attacking men.

Title	Being forced to pay child support for the months I have my daughter by myself
Author	oohvoy
Upvotes	436
Comments	80
Date	May 14, 2023 2:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13hdlgs/being_forced_to_pay_child_support_for_the_months/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/being-forced-to-pay-child-support-for-the-months-i.1219249 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219249

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