I have 50/50 custody. I earn more than my Ex and as such I pay CS. I’ve been paying CS/APL -> Alimony since we separated in 2020. We’re divorced now. Also pay for daughter’s medical, dental, vision and extracurriculars. Daughter is now 9-1/2 years old.

I’m an incredibly involved dad. I have always been. Mom having the title of 50/50 seems like it’s more for a paycheck and to retain some social pride. Some sense of dignity in her family’s eyes perhaps? Avoid the stigma. Maybe it makes her feel better after being mostly uninvolved in real parenting/quality time for the better part of the first 6.5 years of our daughter’s life. Maybe it makes her feel better after attempting false DV accusations and completely upending our daughter life for a relationship with a guy that didn’t work out. Maybe because our daughter is highly gifted and is another guaranteed income stream in the future, so she’s playing the long game to take advantage of her too. Maybe she’s insane. Who knows, maybe a combination or all of the above.

Ex is a waitresses now (for about a year) working from afternoon to nights, but she will not relinquish 50/50 without another expensive battle; instead our daughter sits there at a restaurant on mom’s custody days.

Our daughter sits at mom’s job afternoon through the evenings until mom gets off work at 10 p.m. School nights too. I pick her up and return her on the same night when it’s not my custody block so she can be in extracurricular activities, camps, etc. Same if she’s sick. But our daughter always has to go back or get picked up after mom’s work so mom can retain the overnight split. I get asked randomly to take our daughter for awhile at times too (some schoolmates parents have told me the same - some oblige, others don’t), but I draw boundaries as needed and say No so I’m not being taken advantage of and becoming a fallback guarantee. It sucks, but it’s the only way. Could be worse. On the bright side I have nearly unlimited access to our daughter when I want it, when it’s not my custody block, as long as she’s returned for the night.

Anyway, I’m getting way off topic. My issue is that mom continues to disparage me via text (which daughter can see as she sometimes texts me from mom’s phone), and she surely disparages me in front of daughter.

I feel compelled to let our daughter know that I support her, even when I’m not with her. I have never spoke of money, finances or support. Mom, on the other hand, after profiting massively from the divorce and getting 1K monthly on top of the divorce payouts leaves daughter under the impression that she has very little. Daughter is guilt tripped.

So, does your child know you pay support? Is it ever appropriate to let them know and what’s the best approach. If I should keep the topic off limits lmk what you think.