Soon to be ex moving on to other partners

ranger69danger · 2023-08-02T07:47:21+00:00

I first heard this when I got here (too late in my divorce). It’s a harsh pill but it is truth (even for me now with my babymama GF, wondering if we can be forever).

She was never yours. It was simply your turn.

Do keep in mind that there are many fish waiting to give you your turn in this vast ocean.

Let her go, brother. She was not for you nor ye for she.

You will be better for this. We are here to hear you and try to help you avoid our past mistakes.

tvtv3323 · 2023-08-02T10:57:20+00:00

You have to stop thinking about her, and "them". It is that hard, but that simple.

I use a mindfulness exercise for this, that I made up. Whenever I start thinking about her and somebody else, unless I'm driving, I close my eyes and start focusing 100% on my breathing. I also start touching my clothes or something nearby and feeling the texture in my hand and focus on that texture as well. Brings me to the present moment. I do that for about a minute, again, focusing on my breathing if my thoughts start to slip to thoughts of her and another guy, usually while rubbing the tail of my shirt or something with my thumb and index finger. At the end of that minute, I will start to visualize something that will help me move on, which is usually me cuddling on the couch with a great woman who is much healthier than my stbx, as we watch a movie, make out, and fall in love. I will sometimes do this 10 to 15 times a day. It helps redirect my thoughts. It takes discipline, but it has helped break me out of the spiral thinking.

If I'm driving, instead of closing my eyes and touching something, I focus on the details of what is in front of me, like the shape, size, and color of the lights on the back of the car in front of me. The other day, I started counting all of the lights in the ceiling of a business where I was waiting, and noticed how they were arranged, to help me be present and stop thinking of her. It is about being in the present moment and getting out of that mental gutter.

northdakotact · 2023-08-02T14:52:08+00:00

She got the kid she wanted, and you are stuck with the wreckage. Do yourself a favor, no more kids, no more marriage, no more living together. Life will be a lot easier.

HalfTheMan611 · 2023-08-02T12:14:52+00:00

If you are in another state, does that mean your child is in the other fulltime with your ex? If so, I'm wondering if another man being in your child's life would hurt less if you were more in your child's. I myself have 50/50 but haven't yet had to deal with another man entering the scene. I expect that to be extremely difficult to deal with.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-08-02T16:59:10+00:00

You have to own this divorce. It’s the only way. What I mean is you need to look in the mirror and say there was no way on earth you could be the man she needs and still be you. You do not need to figure out what she needs. She may not even know. All you need to know is “it ain’t me”.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-03T10:54:39+00:00

You’re goal is indifference to her and her life. Stop looking at her social media, stop getting updates about her from friends and family and stop talking to her about anything other than your child. You’re never going to move on if you keep pinging your mind with these things. 4 months is a short time, make the effort to focus on rebuilding your life and eventually the thoughts of her will fade but by bit.

Also count your blessings, many of us had wives who were having sex with other men long before we even realized we were getting divorced.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-08-02T10:42:40+00:00

Avoid All Women and this will never again be a problem. Buy a Cat / wait for SexBot.

Wewinky · 2023-08-02T15:33:29+00:00

You thank those other partners for taking over your problem.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-08-02T22:02:39+00:00

After a while you will become immune to caring about what idiot she is dating or marrying. I didn’t find out about mine until about a year after she filed but it started two weeks after. I would have been pretty angry if I had found out earlier but by then I was just like fuck it, I don’t care anymore, she was making me broke, that’s what she’s going to do to him, I’m going to get out of debt and rebuild. Told new guy she is his problem and meant it. He is so p-whipped he is in a daze. That will wear off eventually. You just need some time and maybe meet some new people but yea I would avoid cohabitating or playing captain save-a-hoe to any new ones.,

georeddit2018 · 2023-08-03T11:57:48+00:00

Accept that it's over and she will be dating other men. It's out of your control and find your own healing and way forward.

Title	Soon to be ex moving on to other partners
Author	90sGustavo
Upvotes	8
Comments	15
Date	August 2, 2023 7:38 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15g27sn/soon_to_be_ex_moving_on_to_other_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/soon-to-be-ex-moving-on-to-other-partners.1227214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227214

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