Dating profile to attract providers only

ClarityByHilarity · 2023-08-14T03:17:31+00:00

I would talk about old school values, being traditional, dating for marriage, etc. most men who are looking for a traditional relationship will figure it out. You can also figure it out during the vetting process where you tactfully ask certain questions that should give you the answers you seek.

My husband was fairly upfront that he didn’t want me to work and I wouldn’t need to.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-08-14T06:17:46+00:00

What are your goals here? Because the way you attract providers is by being someone worth providing for. Most men have a MAJOR provisional drive, but they're not going to put out for just anyone. Now, if you're using "provider" as code for "men who will open pocketbooks fast because they aren't able to keep the women they want around without doing so" that's an entirely different thing.

FluffyHandle1990 · 2023-08-14T15:00:57+00:00

Read edit at the end of my paragraph if you want:

Hi! 33 year old here who just got married this spring to a provider. I spent my childhood in a low class foster care home and my late teens and early 20’s barely scraping by. Sometimes I didn’t know what my next meal would be. I was SO OVER it and knew when I got into the dating pool after a LTR that I wanted a guy who was a provider. I found an amazing Christian man who makes mid-six figures, is in the same religion as me, and is kind.

On my profile (I was 30 when I got back to dating) I expressed that I was providing for myself and had a technical school license that I could fall back on should the need arise, but that I’d love to be a wife and mother. At this point I WAS able to provide for myself but it still wasn’t wealth range. I also said that staying healthy and fit was a #1 priority for me and that even in a relationship I prioritize working out and eating healthy. I brought up my Christian values and that I’d want to raise my children in the same manner. My photos were of me in modest but still modern and feminine clothes having fun and smiling- no photoshop, no filters.

I got many replies and the guys that I said yes to dates to were direct and clear with their intentions. They also told me point blank what their jobs were. All were high on the income scale. Again, that may sound vain to some people but I was over living paycheck to paycheck and I didn’t want to clip coupons by the time I had children. Living in poverty was incredibly hard and I was over it.

After the first few dates with the first guy, he wanted to be exclusive. He flew to meet me in person the first time and then paid for my flight. He had a great job and everything but he was way too intertwined with his family for my taste. His mom had a key to his house and would just show up. She came over to do his laundry and dishes. It wasn’t for me. I could see a miserable relationship with her. I ended things.

The second guy was another high earner. He was coming to town to meet up with his college friends so we went on a date that afternoon. He was very aggressive (like- flat out kissed me out of no where) which I thought was odd but wanted to see how it went. He liked me so much that his friends insisted on me coming to their hangout with the wives. His friend was loaded- huge house, land, wife was wearing very nice clothing. Definitely “up to there”. We went on a walk and he grabbed me and started kissing me! It was the second day of his trip! We went on a date the next morning when he was leaving- church and coffee. He was way too aggressive for me as far as the physical stuff goes. I wasn’t feeling it. He asked about being exclusive and I said I’d think about it. Called him when he got home and said thanks for the dates but I wasn’t going to go further. He kept trying to convince me to come down to his city and see what life would be like with him. I declined.

I had a lot of messages in my inbox and finally stumbled on my now husband. He was in high management at an IT firm, Christian, loved traveling, hunting, fishing. His photos ranged from him in 3 piece suits and full on duck hunting gear so I knew we’d have some stuff in common, haha. He said that he was more than able to provide for a wife and multiple kids and was happy to be at a point in his life to do so. The rest is history!

One thing I will say and that I’ve personally heard other high value men say, is that the photos are a huge tell on whether or not they’ll reach out to a woman. A girl can be very attractive but all of her photos could be of her in overly provocative clothing or all in jeans and T-shirts. It seems like guys prefer normal sundresses that are feminine but still leave something to the imagination which is how I usually dress. In the winter I’ll wear turtlenecks and short wool skirts with thermal tights or fitted jeans. It’s easy to dress modest but feminine and slightly sexy. Typically if you’re dating a guy in the upper echelon, you’ll need to go to dinner parties and other public events. My photos showed that I could dress down and up but still be put together.

My life after years of living at and below poverty level is such a blessing from God. I’m so incredibly thankful and sometimes even tear up thinking of how lucky I am. My husband is 7 years older than me. I will say- I’m totally anal about my skincare and working out/eating healthy. It’s paid off.

I’d be open and honest and explicitly state that you want to stay at home. I said something like “I’m happy to be a wife and mom. If we get together, you’ll always have a fully home cooked meal and nightcap waiting for you when you get home.” Each and every guy I spoke with from the app said they loved that line, haha.

BTW If anyone is reading this thread and considering doing online dating- yes, there ARE HVM doing online dating. Many prioritize work and their fields don’t have the “type” of women they’d want to date. It’s a lot harder for guys to find women like us nowadays. All the guys I said yes to from the app were handsome (my husband is literally a 10), successful, and probably had a lot of women throwing themselves at them. One of them came to my apartment to pick me up and my own neighbor was flirting outwardly with him which he shut down. I promise- it’s possible to find love online! 🙂

EDIT: I’ve received some dm’s asking what I do during the day. I’m a licensed skincare specialist but that required working a lot of weekends. I left my job and opened up a small online jewelry store. I have a strong art background and figured I’d try my hand at jewelry. It’s all handcrafted in my small artisan studio in our home. High end designs with real pearls, gold plated hardware, etc. It would be a pain in the butt to have kids and have to go on site for facials. This is something I can do at home. Surprisingly, it’s going very well. It’s therapeutic in a way. I put my music on and get to work! I’ve been getting 5-7 orders a week. Since it’s all done by me in house, it takes about 8 hours a week total. Besides that I have a set schedule. I get up early, work out 5 days a week. Meal prep for my lunches and have full home cooked dinners ready when he gets home! (If you’re interested in the jewelry shop feel free to do me- I’ve already gotten a few messages on it!)

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-14T12:22:25+00:00

You may want to try an actual matchmaker instead of trusting the algorithm, here. You won't get harassed by anyone, and the matchmaker will know what your intentions are regarding dating and be able to screen for that.

Legal-Negotiation-12 · 2023-08-14T17:51:41+00:00

I also think that most men who are serious about providing want to vet a woman just as seriously to make sure she genuinely loves him.

I don’t think those men are as explicitly open with their assets, either. In fact, many men I know will appear relatively casual and not reveal the entirety of their earnings with a woman until it’s been quite some time.

Flat_Shower · 2023-08-14T10:55:02+00:00

Men swipe right on 100% of women anyway. It matters very little what you put on your profile. It’s your job to screen for the type of person you’re looking for, unfortunately.

JustaTcup · 2023-08-14T03:38:49+00:00

I agree with the things the other commenter said but I'll add that some men may be all about the traditional etc. and still want their wives to work.

This is why I think a more proactive approach works better. Instead of making a profile all about attracting, which leaves you in such a predicament always waiting, waiting for men to make the moves, take a more proactive approach too and initiate contact with men who have more detailed profiles about wanting their wives to be SAHMs or wanting to be providers or sole breadwinners.

Jenneapolis · 2023-08-14T19:38:23+00:00

This entirely depends on what platform you are using. If you are on a religious marriage focused site, you can be more direct, but on the main stream apps you can’t expect your profile to do the heavy lifting on these major topics. The men that are into you are not going to self select out because they don’t meet the criteria you post and men that are open to it may be turned off by the fact that you have it on your profile.

Since you can’t negotiate attraction, I would start there - look at his pictures and decide if this is a man you could be attracted to - and then understand more about the job he has and if it’s the type of job that could in theory support someone. If so, then go on a date and start to understand more about what he’s looking for.

I really would not dive too much into this topic before meeting him. I realize you are trying to not waste your time but you also have to do your part to inspire him and that’s not going to happen before you meet him. Most guys are not super excited to date and be providers - it is more so something they’re willing to do when they fall in love with a woman so make them fall in love with you first.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-14T03:04:58+00:00

Title: Dating profile to attract providers only

Full text: Anyone found a way to set up their dating profile to only attract men who enjoy being providers without being offensive to the ones who aren’t.

I want the ones who aren’t not to bother but don’t want to be too forward. I also do not want to be harassed by men who are not and feel insulted or want to play games.

At the same time if he’s got it, he’s interested and serious minded (no sugar daddies) he shouldn’t have a problem I would think (those of my target market..). I have other interests too but I will save that for my profile.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AppropriateEbb5556 · 2023-08-14T07:33:30+00:00

Anyone found a way to set up their dating profile to only attract men who enjoy being providers without being offensive to the ones who aren’t.

Adoption sites hahahahah

InevitableLeek8815 · 2024-07-08T05:48:58+00:00

I feel kind of weird saying this so directly but yeah I definitely a the provider mindset and it’s natural for me. I get compliments often for my looks and body as I do workout. I am a safety manager at Amazon. I am not weird or into kink with providing. My Supportive provider mindset sees how incredibly awesome is the sacrifice of bearing a child. What a great gift that she gives to her man and their relationship. Wives/Girlfriends deserve a supportive provider who devotes himself to making her life easier and better

Title	Dating profile to attract providers only
Author	Knowyourdeductible
Upvotes	14
Comments	30
Date	August 14, 2023 3:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15qiifi/dating_profile_to_attract_providers_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-profile-to-attract-providers-only.1228126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228126

Comments