Apathy towards dating and sex, is it a reasonable strategy or will it lead to an unhappy lonley life?

wheartv · 2023-09-10T21:16:53+00:00

You’re fine if you have hobbies, friends/family and social outlets, a rich internal life, and pets

However, there are definite downsides depending upon where you live

I live in a small town in a rural state

As a single guy, if I ask a male to hang out or grab a beer, then he is likely to think I’m gay asking him out on a date, you’re unlikely to be invited anywhere by couples because the female won’t have your GF to talk with, a lot of people will think you are odd just because you don’t prioritize women/having a family, and a lot of people will not trust you around kids

It’s a bit backward, but if you don’t seem to prioritize sex with women outwardly then people (if you are a guy and decent looking) will fear you are a pervert and into weird shit or (best case scenario) a closeted gay man

Similarly backward, if you don’t want kids or even to be around them much, then folks sometimes fear you are unsafe towards them….weird because most predators do things to be around kids and are overly nice to them

Single women have it easier because it isn’t weird for her to ask a female coworker to go shopping and also they are trusted near kids by default, people assume they just had a hard love life and don’t assume bad things as much

People have a strong need to categorize and understand others, it’s like the discomfort people sometimes feel when they can’t tell if someone is male or female; and most people aren’t smart enough to look beyond their own conceptions of the world

1Here4Bach · 2023-09-10T22:24:45+00:00

It works because that’s what women want. Women want a male who treats sex and dating like it’s no big deal and pays attention to emotional and sexual cues.

saving_private_ryan_ · 2023-09-10T22:45:45+00:00

Can you explain to me where are you finding women to pursue? I've tried dating apps and they run bone dry.

DerayRevan · 2023-09-10T21:12:22+00:00

Trust me pursuing a woman unless she's interested never works out

I learned this when l was young with this attractive girl l liked very much but she just kept ignoring me and one day caught her with another guy

So it will always bite you in the foot, l would rather just keep sex/romance in the equation to see if she's really into me

timspacewarper · 2023-09-10T22:00:38+00:00

I'd develop a new personality. Always plant seeds when talking to women. Have a care-free attitude, flirt and don't go into it thinking you're making female friends. Every time you talk to women, keep seduction at the back of your mind. That way, you wont be emotionally invested, you wont have unhealthy attachments and you wont struggle going from "friends" to sex. The trick is to not hold expectations in your mind. Be stoic, have internal locus of control. Emotional distress comes from experiencing reality, which doesn't align with your hopes/desires/thoughts. You won't be "apathetic," but that authenticity will be just your default state of being.

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RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-09-10T22:47:48+00:00

Don't pursue her directly. That puts pressure on her. You have to do it through body language without verbalizing your attraction too much. A little bit. A small compliment here or there sprinkled in but general you show a woman you like her through calibrated social touching. It's called Kinesthetics.

There is a solid escalation ladder. Hand/wrist, Elbow and shoulders are okay to touch almost immediately. Once you have established basic rapport you move on to putting your hand on the small of her back. Then stroke between her shoulders, then nape of the neck. Eventually hand on knee.

If you escalate to the next stage and she stiffens or pulls away you back off and try again later when she feels more comfortable.

Seduction isn't just about verbiage. That's the small part of it. Humans mated for millions of years without a word spoken.

If you guys are vibing and she laughs or expresses a positive emotion. Touch her on her forearm or tap her knee. Over time she will associate your touch with positive feelings. If she is feeling bad emotions like discussing an ex, remove all touching while she's in that state.

Hell I had a girl I met just last night. She was much younger and she couldn't understand why my touch felt so good. She even asked me "Why are you rubbing on me like that! It's driving me crazy!"

That's because over an hour or so her brain came to associate my touch with positive emotions and she didn't even realize it.

Greedy-Heat631 · 2023-09-11T18:34:37+00:00

I’ve met lovely ladies by waiting for things to come to me but I’ve also missed out on a lot of opportunities this way too. But admittedly if you let a lady chase you she probably REALLY wants ya. As opposed to trying to constantly court and prove yourself to a lady.

Safinated · 2023-09-10T21:18:41+00:00

That’s the behavior I expect from the men I date

Show me you like my company and I’ll show you when I want to fuck

Whip out your dick and I’m gone

Lust is common and unimpressive, interest is rare and valuable

carljungs · 2023-09-10T22:49:47+00:00

Apathy is good. One out of 7 billion will match with you when it is right if you have all your faculties. Someone else is not responsible for your happiness. Be happy on your own volition and accord. Loneliness is a self-preception on fulfillment. First 25-30 years should be focused on making the best version of yourself.

Thearabdude · 2023-09-10T21:12:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-09-10T21:29:09+00:00

Its good,but beware that means less action for a time

wtknight · 2023-09-10T21:57:58+00:00

I don't think that it leads to a unhappy, lonely life. But it also doesn't lead to as happy of a life as one could possibly have if one meets the right person, either.

l00ks-p1lled · 2023-09-10T22:15:29+00:00

I'd say that this is the best attitude that most men should have, because let's be real most of us are too sensible to rejection and we crumble when girls openly reject us. More precisely, I'd say that we should pursue a little bit (just to be sure) but not to the point where we get rejected, because it'd worsen our mental health.

For the few of us that are unfazed by rejection I'd say that it's probably better to be a bit more direct and "aggressive".

However I'm sorry to say that in case you're also bothered by being invisible to girls (posting on these kind of sub kinda gives it away) there's not too much you can do, it's still better to not pursue too much but you're fucked in every possible scenario unless she is actually attracted to you.

bruhminer · 2023-09-10T23:22:45+00:00

I have found the complete opposite to be true from experience. If I act like a total prude it rarely ends well, doing little things like throwing a sexual joke or sexualizing the conversation always seems to help move things along. I don't mean to be crass about it, just small things here and there.

Future17 · 2023-09-11T00:15:00+00:00

If you want a sexual relationship, say it right off the bat. Women are terrible for understanding that men want to get laid. Hence you can be friends with a girl you like for a decade, and she will never realize you were interested in her.

Do not be friends with a girl you want as a gf. If she's not interested, seek elsewhere.

PeaceInAnnihilation · 2023-09-11T06:59:35+00:00

I think deeper intimacy is a core psychological need and that your attempt at evading it will sooner or later hit you in the face in certain moments when hear about the experiences of other people you wish you had. In the end, I don‘t know you. Maybe you lack those desires and in that case it would work, but given what you just told us it doesn‘t sound like it. I think instead you need to figure out what caused you to not end up having sex or be in a relationship so far and fix it. You‘ve probably already tried that, but giving up now won‘t help you. You roughly have 50 to 60 years still ahead of you. Think about how often this regret will eat you up in the next several decades.

some_clickhead · 2023-09-12T01:18:03+00:00

Given that apathy towards dating has already succeeded on 3 occasions for you, what makes you think that it would not keep working?

garnageman · 2023-09-12T03:05:40+00:00

Honestly I relate to this. I remember being on track trying to pursue girls and a relationship until I got so frustrated by unfulfilling results that I just quit pursuing women altogether.

Miraculously, as soon as I stopped giving a fuck I started hooking up with more women and having better relations.

So yeah, I say a general indifference works better than active pursuits but obviously there's a few caveats to this and its not that cut and dry.

DangZagnutsNewSon · 2023-09-12T11:43:48+00:00

It won't lead to a lonely life if it's real apathy which sounds like that is not because you are asking at all.

Title	Apathy towards dating and sex, is it a reasonable strategy or will it lead to an unhappy lonley life?
Author	Thearabdude
Upvotes	23
Comments	41
Date	September 10, 2023 8:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16fbef4/apathy_towards_dating_and_sex_is_it_a_reasonable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/apathy-towards-dating-and-sex-is-it-a-reasonable.1231269 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231269

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