It has been about 7 months since my (M25) now ex wife (F24) (divorce finalized last week) separated. She wanted to be single and also told me she didn't love me anymore and wouldn't work on our marriage. Here's been my experience in those 7 months:

Month 1: Extremely difficult and was struggling mentally. Went to therapy twice a week and constantly had panic attacks. I was never an emotional man prior to the separation but the situation was nothing I could expect. My life felt out of control and I was constantly in tears. I hadn't cried since I was a child prior to this. Suicidal thoughts were constant so I had to get rid of my pew pew for my mental health. Ended up getting prescribed some strong anti-anxiety and anti-depressants, as well as sleep meds since I couldn't sleep due to stress. Called my friends constantly and reached out to whomever I could to talk. I had put all my eggs into one basket with my ex wife in terms of socializing so I pretty much cut ties unintentionally to my friends after I met her. Life was incredibly rough during this period, but I chugged along best I could and kept myself occupied by picking up a side job as a bouncer, working out, and reading. She moved out of the house we built together and I got some time alone there. First time living alone in my life so that was an interesting experience.

Months 2-3: Sold my house and my feelings towards her diminished significantly. No-contact was in full effect (except for discussing legal stuff and house sale, but nothing more. ended up directing her to my lawyer if she wanted anything) and therapy was going strong. Ended up starting a weekly group call with all my boys to check on each other since mens mental health isnt taken seriously. A lot of reflecting of my relationship made me realize that my ex wife was incredibly toxic and didn't appreciate everything I did for her, and also made me realize all the fucked up things I did so I am using this marriage as a lesson for the future. I quit my job and moved with family for a short duration just to get some needed mental health break.

Months 4-6: I said fuggit and decided to pick everything up and move 15 hours away into a new state and city. Drove with essentials and my dog and made the most of it and moved into an apartment with my bestfriend. One thing I noticed at this time was that I'd mention my ex in stories for relevant conversations all the time because that was all of my life, but I wouldn't carry any emotion when mentioning her. It was like a strange bittersweet moment, to see that I wouldn't get emotional thinking about her, but also feeling indifferent about her. It felt like a huge step in my life but eventually I want to never have to bring her up again.

Month 7: Day of divorce hearing, had to do it on Zoom (thank god, didn't have to see her in person). That was the first time I heard or "saw" her in months. Every time she talked in our hearing I rolled my eyes and felt anger whenever her voice came out. Looking back now, it's obvious that I'm not completely over everything.

Why did I write this out? I wanted to show some of y'all that are in the beginning stages, of an example of the ups and downs during the process. Yes, you'll make progress but you will also take a couple steps back. It isn't an easy road, but, with help from friends and family, working on your mental health as well as yourself, and sticking up for yourself and setting boundaries; it will get easier.

My favorite reads that have helped me through this journey in being a better man for myself are: 1. No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert Glover 2. The Way of The Superior Man - David Deida

Everyone's journey is going to be different but we can only control what WE can control. Don't worry about others actions, focus on you.