For some context, I live in the States but was born and raised in the Middle East. Growing up in a conservative country, I dated my girlfriend for 8 years, never had sex with her, and only shared a kiss. Sex before marriage is frowned upon there, and it's usually expected that the husband is always the first partner. A girl with two or three previous partners is considered shameful. While there are girls who sleep around, it's very rare and low-key, and not typical of the average family girl.I was the first man my wife had sex with, and she lost her virginity on our wedding day. However, two years ago, I went through a nasty divorce, with false allegations of abuse, almost lost my kids and my assets to a calculating person who planned every move.

The pain I felt then is nothing compared to what I'm going through today.Since my divorce, I realized that hookup culture wasn't for me; it made me feel empty, and each hookup seemed to diminish my value, decaying me mentally.Then, I met this white girl and fell head over heels for her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. It was hard to get her attention, and took me five month until things became serious. Our sex life is incredible, but it's mostly vanilla. Although burned from my previous marriage, I was not planning on marring but considering moving in with her.However, I had a gut feeling, especially last night she started saying things like "I truly love you" and "I am not lying to you " then I told her why are you even saying that as I never suspect your love. so I took her phone and went through it. I discovered she hadn't cheated on me, but the amount of men she'd slept with and the nature of her past sexual encounters shocked me. They were with muscular, tall, jobless men, the opposite of my calm, well-groomed self. Discovering her past left me heartbroken and unable to sleep. Those text messages and pictures were very graphic and violent with BDSM and stuff, she would send those men naked pictures before the first date and would drive 3 and sometimes 4 hours to meet with them in Motels or sleep for days at their place. Almost all of these men were black and smocked weed and did drug with her. I am white.

She don't even let me take picture of her naked although I am her boyfriend for over 6 months while she send naked pictures to tinder guys! she would ask me to be gentle with her while ask those dudes to go rough on her and I cannot even describe how graphic things were in those text messages. She told me she doesn't want kids, but ask those men to get her pregnant, (Maybe it was just a joke but again)I spoke to a close friend who said that it's normal in American culture for someone single to explore their options.I returned her phone, lying that she left it in my car. I couldn't face her, so I dropped it off at her door.I'm in so much pain that I took off from work as I could not sleep last night and considering two options:Swallow my pride, continue the relationship casually and not take her seriously and enjoy the sex.Tell her the truth about what I saw and break things off because I don't want to lose respect once I tell her I knew.I'm torn between honesty and the implications it would have on our relationship. If I bring this topic I know I would be very emotional and show the hurt I felt (women don't like that) I still can tell her that I was hurt and be cold about it. I really don't know guys, what do you think?