I was pretty close to getting taken to the cleaners and barely made it out through the skin of my teeth. I am convinced that, generally, men hold the lower ground in divorce, and it will take a meteor hitting Earth and destroying all life to convince me otherwise.
I already knew that men don't have it easy, but it was not until a year later that it all came together in a straightforward conversation. A year after my divorce, I had a conversation with this lady during lunch and mentioned that I had been through a divorce. She looked up and said:
“So, did she take you to the cleaners? Ha ha ha ha!!”
- Yes, Hahaha stands for a big laugh.
Here's the thing: it didn’t bother me at all. Really, it did not, but it got me thinking for the rest of the day. Her comment/joke was an honest conditioned response; she would only have been able to say it if she had been conditioned for many years, which means a statement like this is so normalized in society that everybody accepts it; it is well known that the wife can take the man to the cleaners, and it's also hilarious “hahaha!!!”.
Suddenly, it all came together. It’s not just an uphill battle in divorce law for men; it is also funny in society. Despite all the evidence pointing to the disastrous impact on the man and children of the marriage.
My conclusion: always make your best effort in divorce, face it straight forward, and don’t run away from it. Best foot forward always. Effort is not the same as “fighting.” Effort is creating your best plan and following through. “Fighting” well, can any one man fight the entire system and society? - if you can, good luck to you; please let me know how it goes.
Otherwise, it’s time to create a whole new you!!! If you bring the same man who got married with you, the rest of your life will not be any easier. Much of who you were needs to go.
All the best!