What are you feelings towards adult opposite sex friendships

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-20T21:20:12+00:00

Off topic. Please use the relationship subs for this.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-12-20T17:00:22+00:00

Within the confines of a committed relationship there are some basic ground rules to protect the core relationship but otherwise of course they’re fine

My wife hid her male best friend from me for the last 3 years of our marriage

And others.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-20T18:11:18+00:00

It’s possible especially for older folks, but the odds are heavily in favor of something bad happening. Somebody will always develop feelings / attraction at some point.

If your girl is confiding in a male friend about your relationship the relationship is over. That guy is there waiting for his opportunity and will steer the conversation towards demonizing you.

rhett342 · 2023-12-20T18:34:25+00:00

It's entirely possible. I'm a man and my best friend is a woman and we are TOTALLY platonic. That being said, if you're in a relationship, especially if you're married, you put your partner first. Always. You don't hide, leave out, or lie about anything with your partner. You don't do something with your friend that you wouldn't do with your partner. Unless there is something that your friend really just wants to talk to their friend about personal stuff they don't feel comfortable talking about with your partner, your partner gets an invitation to come along on anything you do. You don't talk about problems you're having with your partner to your friend.

I know most people will say all those rules are overkill and you can do what you want. I was the one that insisted on them and I always followed them. My ex wife even said I didn't have to be like that.

She made a new "friend" at work and wouldn't tell me everything she was going to be doing when out with this guy. She wouldn't invite me to do stuff with them. She did stuff with him that she wouldn't with me. Finding out about her straight up lies about what how much they saw each other and how much contact they had as time went on is why she is now my ex wife and not my current wife

euphramjsimpson · 2023-12-20T18:23:23+00:00

I would have always been okay with it. I trusted my ex implicitly when she was my wife.

Her "friend" was a stay-at-home dad neighbor and they both got really into going to the gym while his ex was working and I was getting started in a new career. My ex hadn't had a male friend like that before, but apparently he had a very close female friend who had died just before we met them. I brought up concerns and she said they just had a lot in common.

Now that little POS lives with my kids as much as I do.

So I think I'd have to have a very direct conversation if someone I was with had a friendship like that. The woman I'm with now had a similar thing happen to her and she is very deliberate about texting both the man and women if texting with male friends who are married. I think that's smart.

It's a shame it has to be that way. I'd much rather just be able to trust people and their promises. I think I lost that ability though.

Ok_Calendar_6728 · 2023-12-20T17:09:48+00:00

Terrible idea.

VVeeky · 2023-12-20T17:30:35+00:00

Awful idea.

DivorceTA1988 · 2023-12-20T19:42:21+00:00

I have made friends with a Mom in my neighborhood who is divorced and her kid is in my kids class. I am definitely aware that alone makes dating a fraught idea and I also know she is seeing someone causally. I need a friend- so I’m keeping her mentally in the friend zone. And I would quite literally NEVER do anything like what my ex did to me so it’s pretty easy to keep that bright line.

I 100% agree with everyone else - it’s fine as long as you communicate and you hold yourself to the proper standards. If the other person crosses the line you cut bait.

Attentionless · 2023-12-20T19:02:37+00:00

It's dicey, and after hearing all the horror stories on reddit, having her be "friends" with guys , going to be a soft no. It's a non-issue as she is not coming into the marriage with any "friends".

X boyfriends that "we are just good friends now" eh, no. But it can't be a double standard, so I had to cut one of my friends loose

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2023-12-20T19:07:12+00:00

New or old ones? The old ones should have the same boundaries as before and the new ones set the boundaries that you want to set. You have the control.

heartless_monk · 2023-12-20T19:08:00+00:00

it’s a horrible idea if any attraction is there

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-12-20T20:09:33+00:00

Only if you can have a girl best friend see how that’ll work out with the spouse

Title	What are you feelings towards adult opposite sex friendships
Author	EntertainmentDull792
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	December 20, 2023 4:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18myymh/what_are_you_feelings_towards_adult_opposite_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-are-you-feelings-towards-adult-opposite-sex.1241228 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241228

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