Wife and I have been married almost 15 years, 2 kids, 2 dogs. I've been contemplating divorce for a couple years now. I gave her a letter a few weeks ago that laid out my feelings.

Our emotional and physical relationship is over and has been for a long time. We don't hug, kiss, I'm not even allowed to touch her most of the time. The few times a year we have sex, Im not allowed to kiss her, not even look at her. It makes it very awkward and difficult to be intimate, as you could imagine. She's even joked that she is asexual, and perhaps she is. The decline in our romantic connection really started many years ago, in part because she (a few times) found evidence I looked at porn. She didn't like it, but I used it to satisfy my increasingly-more-ignored needs. I tried to stop, but it never really solved anything with her. We were honestly never really on the same page in bed, ever.

Fast forward through 2 kids and here we are. Roommates. We both work, we get along well and we co-parent very well. We split all the work and kid responsibilities right down the middle (I give our young daughter all her baths, have for years, and we alternate nights putting her to bed and taking care of the dogs, for example.)

I've asked her multiple times throughout the relationship to go to counseling with me. I see a therapist myself. I got her to go once many years ago, and the MFT told my wife what she told me: if you don't work together to resolve this, most couples end up divorced. So here we are almost 10 years later, I'm the loneliest I've ever felt in a relationship and frankly, the love is lost.

I carry around a lot of guilt. Guilt for looking at porn all these years (even though I always felt that was my "business") ... Guilt that may have severely hurt her trust in me... Guilt that I'm about to forever alter 3 lives, mostly my two kids (one in his teens, the other in kindergarten) ... But I can't live the rest of my life like this, guys. Hugs and kisses, gentle touches and cuddles gave way to petty bickering, arguments in front of the kids, two parents who spent more time separate than together.

I realized how bad it was, when I would get upset and angry when I heard love songs on the radio, or happy couples on TV, or when she watched 90 Day Fiance and these random weirdos being affectionate. Mad that I couldn't have that. Mad that I walk on eggshells in my own home. Mad that she has never tried to work with me to resolve anything.

Thanks for listening. Maybe someone out there went through something similar, and hopefully it all works out for the best.