How did you master The Art Of STFU?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-01-12T05:17:37+00:00

Ask yourself, every single time "Is this helpful?"

For example:

If you're upset because he loaded the dishwasher wrong, because you do it differently, the answer is no. If you're upset because dishes are getting broken, the answer is yes.

If he turned without using his signal and nothing happened, be quiet. It's over. If you were almost T-boned and he doesn't realize it was his fault, it might be worth calling his attention to the fact that he didn't signal.

If he's the only one the outdoor dog will tolerate clipping his nails, be quiet until the dog seems uncomfortable. If he's the only one who the dog will let give him heartworm medication and he keeps forgetting, perhaps ask him to set a reminder.

Additionally, remind yourself that you don't have to institute every consequence personally. Let natural consequences occur. Many of them will have the greater impact anyway.

For example:

If the Christmas lights are still up and you're going to get fined by the HOA after the 15th, politely remind him of the date and the rule, assuming there's a reason you can't take them down. Otherwise, let him get fined.

If his mother's birthday is next week and you're pretty sure it hasn't crossed his mind, remind him... once. If he doesn't call her, he can deal with her anger and/or heartbreak.

If you've told him several times that cutting onions with that knife is incorrect, but he keeps ignoring you, remember that he's a grown man. He can handle a small injury and is quite unlikely to lose an appendage.

Sometimes, you just have to speak up, to save your new dishes, the family car, or the dog. There's no way around it. Those times are a lot rarer than you think, though. They'll also have a lot more impact if you can remember to be quiet all those other times.

abouttodiv · 2024-01-12T16:38:34+00:00

Men on r/marriedredpill have a solid framework to work through it and they still struggle with STFU. So dont be hard on yourself its a process.

I think redpillwomen should have some kind of OYS weekly post like that on marriedredpill. Its a process and women tend to have less resources and structured guidance to work through their issues

birkinsmuse · 2024-01-12T06:23:47+00:00

Not married, but with my boyfriend i try to let him do whatever he wants ( within reason ofc lol) on aspects of his “personal life”. so his job, friends etc are topics i try not argue about or criticize. As someone who genuinely wants to best for people but often it leads to me forcing my opinions, i just think about how if he wants my help/advice he’ll ask!

Mommy_Koala · 2024-01-12T17:18:38+00:00

The hardest part is being consistent and catching yourself when you get in the doom mood. Try paying attention to what triggers you, and take steps to prevent it from happening. This sounds incredibly obvious, but it took me years to acknowledge and own that I cannot be trusted to act rationally the week before my period. I can go from zero to life in prison over the smallest thing, and the apology tours i’d go on afterwards got really old. Now during that timeframe I make sure i’m getting enough sleep, I’m working out to relieve the extra tension, and I keep my mouth shut about anything that makes me want to eat my husband’s face off. If it’s truly a big deal, i’ll have opportunity to bring it up again.

The more I did this, the easier it became, and I basically recalibrated myself and now things just roll right off me. I’m not a doormat, things still bother me from time to time. But now my husband actually listens because it’s not a constant stream of bitching and trusts that my feelings are true. I’ll tell my husband he’s stepping on a resentment landmine, and he knows i’m serious and backs off.

I’m sorry, the behavior is hard to break but it can be done. It just takes a lot of self-awareness on your part to identify what’s really setting you off, and perseverance to break the cycle.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-01-12T16:23:18+00:00

You probably already can STFU. Do you sign, nag, and criticize in public or when guests are over?

Equivalent-Poem-3461 · 2024-01-12T04:25:10+00:00

Can't give my input here but I love that you're taking responsibility and trying to take action. It's rare to find anyone taking responsibility nowadays like we're all victims and I wonder who's the oppresser when we live in a world full of victims 😅

beautyandbravo · 2024-01-12T16:02:09+00:00

A daily gratitude practice has helped me focus on the good and let go of having to control things I’d normally nag about that don’t actually matter.

Also being able to discern in a situation - does the outcome actually matter to you or do you just want to get your way? I’ll speak up if it’s the former but not the latter.

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Optimal-You-8238 · 2024-01-12T15:34:39+00:00

Omg I also got banned from a random subreddit for posting here and didn’t know what was going on. So weird. Anyway, to answer your question, I’m going thru a similar thing. Part of me is like well If he was “better” I’d respect him more but reading the surrendered wife has me thinking that’s unlikely, and it’s likely an inner issue (w exceptions ofc). I don’t have any advice as I need advice myself but I’m reading the book rn and it’s helping, so def re read it

buttermiIk · 2024-01-13T07:11:46+00:00

Stay classy, don’t nag for change. If your s/o does something that bothers you, and it will benefit you both if you speak up, only bring it up nicely once but never again. How he decides to behave moving forward is on him and not you. There are consequences to his behavior if he doesn’t take your gentle guidance sometimes, and that’s ok. He will only have himself to blame and fix. Often times it comes naturally he corrects his own behavior if it’s making his life harder. If you can remind yourself of this then you’ll have an easier time not starting verbal issues that can damage a relationship.

Additional-Prior-340 · 2024-01-14T18:29:31+00:00

Listen to this on Audible while you're driving, working out or doing household tasks: "The Power of prayer to change your marriage" by Stormie O'Martian and" The Mountain is You" by Brianna Wiest and "First, Kill all the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle

beautyrosexo · 2024-01-12T12:34:02+00:00

I'm sure you aren't nagging etc for no reason... Don't let him make you feel like YOU are the problem for nagging, his behaviour needs to change if you've communicated and nothings changed. Alot of men act like their woman just nags but they don't actually hear her and change their behaviour until it's too late. Before that she can become gaslighted in a way thinking maybe she's the problem and was overreacting. If this isn't the case then I wish you well you could be overwhelmed with life or children find out what is bothering you girl! And be kind to yourself :) if he's understanding he will understand you,, it's normal to become that way when stressed, good job for acknowledging it!! 💕

AutoModerator · 2024-01-12T03:56:08+00:00

Title: How did you master The Art Of STFU?

Author JesusBBackSoon

Full text: How did you master The Art Of STFU?

I am tired of nagging and criticizing and sighing and having a bad attitude. My husband has had it. Something needs to change because my marriage is suffering.
Please give me all your advice on how you learned to stfu. I don’t just want to be good at it for one or two days. I want it to be a part of who I am, for the benefit of everyone in our family.
I’ve read The Surrendered Wife when we got married but it’s been almost 10 years now and I’ve still so much to work on and improve.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

beautyrosexo · 2024-01-12T12:36:47+00:00

Also reddit does that I got banned from off my chest because I was active on here, the first time I ever got banned I think was because I broke the rules, I was confused at the time but I think it's because I double posted idk... Then I got banned after again because I posted there on a new account so it told me I broke the rules by using a different account to post... To be honest to this day I don't know if the whole reason I got banned was because of me breaking rules. I think they ban people who are active in this community, it has happened to others :) I got banned for the same reason I think. And I posted about it on here before and realised it happens to alot of people!

valleybrook1843 · 2024-01-12T16:20:41+00:00

It helps me to coach myself in the moment by stating this SeFP “He needs to have life lessons not wife lessons”

Title	How did you master The Art Of STFU?
Author	JesusBBackSoon
Upvotes	48
Comments	38
Date	January 12, 2024 3:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/194llst/how_did_you_master_the_art_of_stfu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-did-you-master-the-art-of-stfu.1242767 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242767

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