Mediation Next Week. Any advice?

International-Staff6 · 2024-02-18T19:50:58+00:00

I have a friend who got divorce and remarried her husband. Go through with the divorce protect your assets and if you want to work it out let her but she has to prove herself and the next time you marry if you do do a strong prenuptial agreement if she truly loves you and just cares about being with you she will sign whatever she has to

sand_man2199 · 2024-01-18T21:07:20+00:00

Empty threat to be honest, reading your post about how she took money out of your account in those three weeks is enough proof that she's screwed. I would show this to your attorney though as it's more evidence against her.

blakfeld · 2024-01-13T01:09:33+00:00

Decide the hill you will die on and do not compromise on it. I didn’t fully understand the meaning of that phrase until mediation. I was willing to compromise on just about anything… except my daughter. I said in no uncertain terms that I’d only accept less than 50/50 from a judge. She tested me at the start, and I told the mediator that I guess we were done for the day then. Suddenly she was a lot more flexible.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-12T18:00:54+00:00

She is mad for you saying fuck off you are getting minimal support/get a fucking job.

Stay the course and no free assets. She wants X then she gives up Y. If you have to do alimony steer into 1 payment a month or do a lump sum buyout. Less contact the better.

You will have to do medical insurance for the kids, but anything not covered is 50/50.if she wants you out of pocket medical then you get Y.

Have a cohabitation clause for sure. When it comes to the house make sure you 100% sure if you’re keeping it, that she doesn’t get 50% equity. Account for % it will cost to sell down the road and deduct from it.

Start high so room to negotiate.

One guy said in a comment that she will agree and then want more and then say scrap everything: if she doesn’t play ball then do what guy can - get her off your cell bill. Tell her your sister is now the beneficiary to insurance to for kids. She fights dirty, go lower.

jimsmythee · 2024-01-12T16:40:46+00:00

I went to mediation and the exwife and the mediator railroaded me. Basically had me re-thinking everything. "only a horrible person would take away children from their loving mother."

Or my exwife would say, "If you agree to xxxxx, I'll agree to yyyy." And then once I agree to xxxxx, she refuses to agree to yyyy.

Advice? It's not official until it is signed and notarized. Once I got out of there and got a breath of fresh air? I took that mediation agreement and tossed it in the trash. It wasn't signed.

My exwife submitted a "Partially signed mediation agreement". The judge saw it and also tossed it in the trash.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2024-01-12T15:35:38+00:00

I think you have some great advice here. I had mediation not too long ago (failed miserably) and another one soon.

Here's how I would prepare

Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement) meaning know the bare minimum that you are willing to accept in mediation and failing which you will go to trial. Start your negotiation with more than that and then "settle" for anything at or above your BATNA. Be willing to walk away and don't get bullied into accepting a crappy deal.
Know your finances inside and out. Most banks and credit cards let you download 2 years of history into Excel. Get everything and know on average what your household expenses are for a month. How much is your mortgage? What do you spend on utilities? What about Groceries and Restaurants? Healthcare & Doctor? Amazon? Fun stuff? Vacations? You need to know this inside/out and backwards/forward. Knowing this will allow you to build a case for the lowest or no alimony.
Get the children's school records and medical records. Who takes them to school? Gets them ready in the morning? what are their interests? hobbies? what size clothes do they wear? etc. It sucks but while mom's are assumed to be good parents, dads need to prove it. This isn't a deposition and you aren't meeting a judge but showing that you are an involved parent will help help the mediator understand that you are prepared and won't move on time with your children.
Be calm, logical, and stoic. Think Spock from Star Trek.

Also, draft a one-page narrative on your marriage background and your 'initial' mediation proposal and send it over to the mediator ASAP. This proposal is your best case scenario and don't go asking for the moon and starts. It needs to be reasonable. Your attorney can do that for you.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-01-12T06:52:07+00:00

Good luck. Too bad this mediation did not occur while she was still in the affair fog.

Go to mediation with a reasonable plan based on what is likely to happen if a judge decides.

If she is unreasonable don’t negotiate and in fact consider taking something minor off the table. If reasonable get it done and in writing signed by both of you at the mediation.

If she stays unreasonable then terminate the mediation and get a trial date at the earliest date you can get.

swrdfsh2 · 2024-01-12T02:18:39+00:00

If this is a facilitated mediation let your attorney know what you want and let them do the talking. If necessary request a side bar in private if things start to go side ways.

If it just you, her and the mediator, get a pre-brief from your attorney and if necessary don’t hesitate to request a continuation on another day, giving you time to get your attorney’s perspective on what’s being requested. Although you should have a good idea of what’s being requested before entering into negotiations.

If she is going to make it difficult you may not get what she’s asking for before negotiating. Just be patient and go full grey rock.

Personally I would go in looking for 50/50 and if necessary negotiate down to 40/60 since that gives you a bit of wiggle room. Keep in mind child custody isn’t the same as equity distribution.

As always listen to your attorney.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-01-12T02:11:34+00:00

60/40 in your favor or hers? If its hers I wouldn't set any precedent where she's getting more parenting time

Title	Mediation Next Week. Any advice?
Author	Par_then_Bar
Upvotes	16
Comments	13
Date	January 12, 2024 1:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/194j8bz/mediation_next_week_any_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation-next-week-any-advice.1242776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242776

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