being afraid of coming off as a gold digger made me unable to receive, help

Leonhart93 · 2024-01-12T10:24:43+00:00

It's not complicated, just give back to him as much as you receive. Which most often is not monetary stuff, but affection and things that just make his life easier. You are probably underestimating in your mind how much things change for a guy when he is clearly appreciated and needed.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-01-12T15:15:06+00:00

Turning down a request because you don't want to burden someone will often just read to them like outright rejection.

I would be wary of punishing positive behavior.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-01-12T16:31:17+00:00

Ladies accept desired offers graciously. GDs turn nasty or move on when excessive demands aren't met. If a man offers excessively (you know he's in debt and has no retirement but wants to take you out to expensive places, for example) then you should be evaluating his fitness, not turning him down.

And it doesn't sounds like your boyfriend is being financially foolish. So if his actions aren't worth evaluating his provision ability (the GD use of "provider" makes me cringe so bad - they've ruined a word that should include traits like financial prudence for the future) then you should accept.

Pristine-Can3719 · 2024-01-12T12:49:09+00:00

>because he noticed I liked a post about girls liking when their boyfriends get them self care things.

This is so cute. I envy you because my previous partners used to mock me for same thing lol

Business_babe_2 · 2024-01-12T11:03:14+00:00

You are aware that this is an issue for you, so that’s step 1 done. Now whenever you feel like this, just try to go with the flow. He asks you your favorite products, you answer. No need to overthink things.

Allow your feelings when you feel uncomfortable about it but also allow your feelings of gratitude when he gives you things. Soon enough you will realise that it is nice that he gives you things, it will also feel good besides maybe uneasy at first. You become a happier and more grateful girlfriend for it. Which in turn allows you to make him happy.

alwaysmorethanenough · 2024-01-12T14:55:32+00:00

I’d focus on the fact that buying you something and seeing how happy you are will make him happy. He benefits from it more than you realise. He wants to do something nice for you and maybe that’s the type of boyfriend he wants to be. Key word he WANTS to do it. It will make him feel good and make you feel good.

I would respond by saying ‘I would love that!’ And then send him something you’d like to try.

beautyrosexo · 2024-01-12T12:27:57+00:00

I totally understand this but don't you want this? Don't you want your person to want to get you things you want and need out of love, he offered because he NOTICED you liked a post about this. That's so cute BTW! If he is your partner you are not rude or a gold digger for asking, wanting, or ACCEPTING thing from him :)

faceperfect4radio · 2024-01-12T15:03:51+00:00

Maybe give him 2 to 3 different products ranging in prices from not so expensive to somewhat expensive and be like I can't choose pick whichever and see if he picks the expensive one? Lol

Equivalent-Poem-3461 · 2024-01-12T19:13:19+00:00

If he offered then it's ok. The fact you're scared to ask tells me you're not a gold digger. If you're worried that it may be out of budget perhaps say something like "what kind of budget do you have in mind because if I could, I'd buy all the skincare products in the world 😅"

I'm a guy and I think I'd take that well. It shows you don't want to overburden me and at the same time you can then accept his gift and if he's offering to gift you it's because he wants to.

Independent-Hall4929 · 2024-01-12T10:25:12+00:00

You need to go back and read books from John Grey, Laura Doyle etc, because they explain how natural it is for men to give and women to receive. Understand men are not the same as us, and this is how they show love and commitment.

What does the term goldigger mean to you, and why are you afraid of the association?

IWTTYAS · 2024-01-12T11:24:32+00:00

You just tell him -

I have no idea. Thats a.. oh don't do that. Are you trying to find me something to bring back? You're awesome. How about a rock? I know it's weird but bring why not? (this will work especially well if he's overseas which I am getting from the skincare product thing - asia? ask him for a rock so you have a piece of "country" instead)

As to the self worth thing? I don't know. It just happens one day. It's.... it just becomes ok. it's like asking to grab a loaf of bread on the way home. it's not a thing.

I just deflected and got a LOT of rocks until I didn't ask for rocks anymore

*Good grief that was cyclical. I apologize.... I've got nothing but :here's a word track to wing it and fake it till you make it" That was not what I thought I was going to say*

AutoModerator · 2024-01-12T09:57:37+00:00

Title: being afraid of coming off as a gold digger made me unable to receive, help

Author throwra20035

Full text: so it's basically the title, i can't receive anything from a man without being afraid of coming off like a gold digger

my boyfriend, who I recently got together with, is coming home from a trip and is asking me for which skincare products I want him to get me, because he noticed I liked a post about girls liking when their boyfriends get them self care things.

I smiled and said thank you, but I feel too uneasy to just tell him what I want, I was just googling "cheap skin care products" because I don't want him spending money on me.

how can I overcome this.

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LongjumpingAd6169 · 2024-01-12T21:54:37+00:00

I feel you. I am struggling with the same thing. I grew up always having to fend for myself and have over time moved into a more feminine way of being and am naturally more of a giver. Receiving gracefully is something I have to learn. My boyfriend is a very generous and masculine guy and I am working on showing him how much I love his gifts instead of saying “thank you, that’s sweet but you don’t have to buy me anything. I think he plans to propose soon as he has been sizing my ring finger a few times in the last weeks. We also went to jewelry stores a few times during our relationship and he wanted to see what I like and what my tastes are. The problem is also that I always like the high end stuff, lol. I felt so awkward and like a gold digger and was super shy and timid and didn’t really show him what I liked. But I truly do love jewelry gifts the most. Really got to work on this. Looking forward to all the answers.

Nossa30 · 2024-01-13T14:05:42+00:00

Gold diggers usually want just that. Gold.

Expensive things: bags, trips, cars, designer.

Off the shelf skincare is not a gold digger. It's a woman who want to look good for her man. A decent man will not have a problem here.

On the other hand, a $600 Balenciaga ocean breeze skincare(I made that up) is inching towards gold diggery behavior.

Juhmel93 · 2024-01-13T23:31:35+00:00

If you're giving help in return, why is it an issue? You did not mention what utility you provide your boyfriend. Have you ever given him a back massage? Listened to his problems? Do you cook for him or take care of his pets?

Women often seek men that are financially successful, but don't like talking about what they can do to earn their partner's money. If it's that big of a deal to you, do something about it.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2024-01-15T01:13:54+00:00

Gold diggers take and don’t give anything back. Graciously receiving a gift from someone who wants to give you one is the opposite of that. It’s not about him spending money, it’s about you giving him an opportunity to show that he cares about you in a way that comes naturally to him. Also, as a woman who has gift giving as a love language, I get the greatest enjoyment when I’m giving something the person really needs, or something they really want but couldn’t or wouldn’t get for themselves. In a straight romantic relationship, there is the added component of some men feeling masculine when they’re able to take care of their partner in this way. It shows he knows you well enough to know what you like, that he’s competent enough to be able to obtain it, and that he cares about you.

Reframe how you think about giving gifts. It’s good to be frugal, but eventually he will see what products you actually use. Lying about what products you use might save him some money, but it also deprives him of an opportunity to demonstrate his competence and care for you. Let him lead- if he wants to buy you products you use, just tell him what he uses and trust him to decide what he can afford. If it’s early in your relationship and you don’t know his budget, suggest travel sizes of the products you use. I know it’s not your intention at all, but it could possibly come across as a little disrespectful to some guys. He wants to give you a useful gift. Suggesting instead that he gives you something you wouldn’t use is in a way rejecting his offer. Give him the opportunity to give you something you’ll use and enjoy, and to receive your gratitude for it!

Title	being afraid of coming off as a gold digger made me unable to receive, help
Author	throwra20035
Upvotes	24
Comments	24
Date	January 12, 2024 9:57 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/194rhvv/being_afraid_of_coming_off_as_a_gold_digger_made/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/being-afraid-of-coming-off-as-a-gold-digger-made.1242786 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242786

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