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[–]5_7pickup 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Your text game is bad. Why you texting everyday? Establish logistics and dont text until its the day of the date. Or a day before.
Also, sounds like youre doing OLD. OLD is trash for majority of men. Try meeting women IRL instead.
[–]ColdBeing2 points 3 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Majority of it is OLD but I've had similar experiences with in person.
The last one I was texting for like 3 days straight like 2-3 messages a day to make her feel more comfortable. We live like 3 miles away and agreed to do dinner at my place but she flaked.
[–]pdx-Psych 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If the girl has agreed to the date, she’s comfortable enough. It’s not your responsibility to try to make her feel better about that decision every day before the date. Remember, girls are getting off on the mystery and anticipation. Don’t take away from that by texting her every day beforehand. The risks outweigh the benefits. Once the date is set up, just be confident that the date will be a good time and move on quick from the inevitable flakes here and there. On to the next.
[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What is he supposed to do? Cold Approach?
[–]Liberaler 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you become less needy and find a way to enjoy the process and not just the results, interacting with women will not only make you not tired but give you energy!
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude I’m not even being needy when I’m texting. I take half a day to even reply to a text because I’m at work and such. I always get ridiculed that “I don’t text enough”
This last one gave me her info right off the bat. I didn’t even have to ask for it and still I get flaked on
[–]Liberaler 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In its core being needy is not about certain behaviour e.g. how fast you answer, it is an inner state. If you are needy, it will find a way to shine through in some way.
Flaking in OLD is completely normal and happens to everyone, who does it.
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
wow so all these different women who don't know each other are treating you in a similar fashion? that must mean that strangers are collaborating just to make you feel bad. i mean it could also be that the things you say and do could be driving them away. but it can't be your fault.
[–]IceMysterious4265 -2 points-1 points0 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or women are just rocket science. Just a thought
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you're forcing daily text conversations and they're getting weirded out by it. You don't need to text daily, keep it casual. Don't go cold turkey on them either though. If there's a few days between when you asked them out and when you're taking them out, just ask how their week/weekend is going sometime in between and have a little conversation based on that. That's all that's really needed to maintain the attraction before the date. Anything more is bordering on overkill.
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (22 children) | Copy Link
I’m not forcing anything. It’s literally 2-3 text exchanges a day. Sometimes I will get a message late and don’t respond until the next day continuing where it was left off.
The last conversation I had was about making dinner at my place. After setting the date, I asked her what her preference between Mexican and Italian and she said surprise me. I told her I got an idea but she’s helping me cook it and she said she’s totally down. Then I told her “hopefully I won’t be too much of a distraction for you” and she left me on read. All texting this throughout a couple days.
After 2 more days, I reached out a day before the date telling her I picked up the ingredients for our romantic evening tomorrow and she told me she won’t be able to since “her kid was sick”
I tried the approach of not texting at all before the date and it’s never really worked out for me. They lose comfort or
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Look bro, you came to reddit asking for other perspectives to understand what's happening and we gave them to you. If you don't want answers to your question, then don't ask it?
You said this is a consistent problem for you. This means it's not something to do with the girls, but rather with you. The logical conclusion is your texting game is weak because you're trying too hard, but if you don't want to believe that, then so be it.
Don't get annoyed at redditors trying to help you though.
If you had read my comment fully, you would have seen that I don't advocate for that either. I told you to find a balance.
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (20 children) | Copy Link
I do have a balance. Maybe I try a little too hard in my replies because I overthink but I have girls that do stick around after I go out with them and such but I’m not really interested in anything further
It’s mainly the girls I find very attractive and want to see them that are the ones flaking
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I would wager this desperation in seeing them indirectly (or maybe even directly) comes out in how and what you text them. You need to treat those girls like you would any other, not put them on a pedestal.
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (18 children) | Copy Link
I usually text them just like any other, half the day once I’m off from work and reply back 2-3 hours each time since I’m doing things
I will admit, I try to be a little more careful about what I say to them than those I don’t care about but I still put the same vibe out there about us having a romantic evening, teasing but nothing too sexual too early to drive them away
The idea came when I said about doing a wine date and she was working out at the time and said something about wine and workout (if I remember that sophistically, my guess to fuck) and I told her even better, let’s have dinner as well. I told her I had an idea what we were going to make but she’s helping me with it and she told me she’s down. I told her “hopefully I won’t be too much of a distraction for you (;” and got left on read
I don’t understand bro
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
I will admit, I try to be a little more careful about what I say to them than those I don’t care about
There's your problem.
I told her “hopefully I won’t be too much of a distraction for you (;” and got left on read
Have you already fucked her or not yet?
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (16 children) | Copy Link
Nah this would’ve been the first time I would’ve met her. She lives like less than 10 min away and I think that was a comfortability factor as well as working at the same DoD company although I left there a few years ago and never knew about her
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Then you made it too sexual too soon. Don't say shit like that until you've already fucked her.
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (14 children) | Copy Link
So I’m supposed to be plain Jane until I fucked her? I thought she had implied about fucking when she said about working out and wine but it was just a tease. I’m a very teasing and sarcastic person
A couple days after she left me on read. I sent her a text saying I picked up all the ingredients for our romantic evening tomorrow and she flaked saying she can’t since her kid was sick
So I told her I hope her kid feels better and that we can try another time. I said if she was nervous too, that I totally understand and we can meet at a winery instead if that works better
And left on read this morning
[–]Canadian-Seductioner1 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You're supposed to keep it chill and casual until you've fucked her, yes. Otherwise you come off as needy and desperate, especially to hot girls who get tons of attention already. You probably started to sound like all those other needy and desperate guys who try to slide in her DMs all the time. You're treating her like the prize when you should be seeing yourself as the prize.
I sent her a text saying I picked up all the ingredients for our romantic evening tomorrow and she flaked saying she can’t since her kid was sick
Doesn't surprise me. Don't drop shit like "romantic" unironically before you've even met the girl, it's too tryhard.
I said if she was nervous too, that I totally understand and we can meet at a winery instead if that works better
I think it's time to move on from this girl and learn from your mistakes bro.
[–]ColdBeing1 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I’m sure you heard of playing with fire on YouTube but he always uses romantic and all sorts. I incorporate some things because I feel like it makes me stand out more than other dudes who I hear women complain all the time that they’re dry over text and get bored
What would you have said in my situation?
Heard of him, don't care much for him or pay attention to him.
Best to be natural over text, not tryhard.
Which situation? You gave me a bunch 😅
I feel he gives solid advice since he focuses on having a flirty vibe and focuses on the girl’s comfortability. But maybe it doesn’t work with the girls around me since I’m in the southern idk
About after making the plans.
And if she left you on read, how you would re-engage like I did
I feel he gives solid advice since he focuses on having a flirty vibe and focuses on the girl’s comfortability.
Obviously not working for you though so maybe it's not good advice after all haha
You need to be more specific. Give me a prompt and I'll tell you what I'd say.
If she left me on read after flaking on me, I would move on to the next girl dude lol
I mean I slept with 30 girls since taking it. Some I wanted to keep consistent into a relationship but they drop me after the third date for another dude or vice versa
What would you say after “even better, let’s have dinner and wine over my place” Her: “yeah that sounds like fun”
I meant re-engaging a day before the date. She left me on read before the flaking happened
"How does 6pm sound?"
"Sounds great"
"Okay can't wait, see you then!"
I usually re-engage the morning of the date: "Hey how's it going? We still good for tonight?"
And you’ll just leave it be after like 4 days of no talking? And they don’t act disinterested, flake or get mad that you haven’t texted them?
Oh I thought you were asking about the confirmation text. Yeah, if I've just set the date, I either continue the conversation based off of something we already discussed or that's in their profile, or I wait until I'm at the halfway point between when I set the date up and the date itself and just ask how their day/week/weekend is going and have a little conversation based off of that, as I specified in my original comment on this post.
I mean that’s what I was kinda trying to do with continuing the conversation with a flirt and tease about my one comment but I guess she might’ve took it the wrong way, idk.
But I also was one of the first guys she matched with so maybe she found someone better in her eyes for her “free” day. But I guess I could scrap some of the romantic shit out of my vocabulary and not be too “gamey”
Don't overdo the flirting before you've even gone on a date with her. It's needy, desperate, and tryhard.
But I also was one of the first guys she matched with so maybe she found someone better in her eyes for her “free” day.
Nah, you likely just scared her off. Don't even think of other guys she might be talking to anyway, it won't benefit you in any way.
But I guess I could scrap some of the romantic shit out of my vocabulary and not be too “gamey”
That's the solution. Tone down the game, act more natural.
If you have a good convo, do you still invite them straight over and just keep it casual without any flirting?
I feel like she was set on seeing me
And do you think there’s any chance to recover from this or any other girl I’ve done that to in the past
I don't invite girls straight over as a first date. As a second yeah, but we're already quite comfortable with each other by that point.
Hard to tell if there's a chance, but I'm inclined to say no.
[–]ColdBeing2 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Gotcha, I’ll try a different approach on the next one and see how that goes. Be less gamey and be more genuine of myself.
I’ll reach out to her in a few days and ask her how her weekend was or how her week is going. If she leaves me on read, I’ll just move on
[–]CompetitionFair7686 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, all of that means nothing unless they already thinking of marrying next week.
If you don’t connect sexually and emotionally with women, then all of those things do not matter because it’s not like they are thinking of marrying and creating a future.
They just date to experiment and live in the present, which means that those things are irrelevant for now
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
How would you feel if a guy lived near you, put in effort to have a dinner and wine date and that y’all cook together?
That in itself is considered romantic. My last text after setting the date was “I got an idea of what to make, but you’re cooking it with me” and she told me she was down. I teased her “hopefully I won’t be too much of a distraction (; for you” and she left me on read
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s not about doing romantic things, that’s fine if you are already in an official relationship.
But if you are meeting each other, it’s not about doing romantic gestures, it’s about connecting sexually, and emotionally while you are in person.
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes but how is that physicality and sexually supposed to happen if there’s flaking? I’m more of an activity person and that’s how I build more of a connection rather than talking all the time.
Even after she flaked I told her that I hope her kid feels better and that we could try another day. If she was nervous too, that I totally understand and we could go to a winery instead if that works better
and again I was left on read
[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe don’t use texting to meet girls, meet girls in real life and ask them in instant dates. don’t ask for a number until you have kissed them first during an instant date.
It’s kinda hard in my situation since I am on my own now but it doesn’t mean I’m living too comfortably. My apartment is basically a mortgage on it’s own that I’m paying myself. I’m trying to save as much as I can since I’m gonna have to get a loan for my master’s next month
I have friends who don’t really go out to bars since they don’t want to spend money or they’re married/have children so I would have to go out to a bar solo
The only way I could probably meet girls in person is at a grocery store if I’m being realistic
I'm attractive and always get compliments on it, got a good career, got my own place, my own car, graduated with a BS degree and working on my master's and I'm decently in shape and working out but I guess that's not good enough in this dating market nowadays compared to the average guy?
Now you're just being funny. Most guys would kill for a woman like that. You just don't like the guys that want you.
[–]zapadz 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY7PE_qFdY0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwnZP1TPJic
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEAgJGJhsEI
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21808xYHwPw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o58mobKfDvI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxhSObCJl08
[–]LuckyNumber-Bot 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
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Oh yes, my ideas suck for dates like going mini golfing or having wine at a winery. Or cooking dinner at my place with wine. That must be the reason why I’m getting flaked, such bad ideas
[–]Luckyyou00 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You are waiting to long
[–]ColdBeing1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm not waiting long. They always give me a few days out as their "free day"
[–]Luckyyou00 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Online or in person dating?
80% online
[–]Luckyyou00 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that's the problem. Girls see online as just attention points.
[–]Competitive-Bill-612 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Trust me walk down a street and in 10 mins youll find an even more amazing women. It never ends there buddy. Abundance
[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Trust me walk down a street and in 10 mins youll find an even more amazing women
I don't see how this helps
[–]Competitive-Bill-612 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your right my bad wasnt reading the whole thing
Like bro I’ve had over 40 bodies. Like meaningless sex is so boring to me now, I just want someone to be more consistent with me and build something
The only girls that stick around are just fuck buddies who call me daddy and I have no interest in getting more serious with them
[–]RoseFlowerWater1 points 3 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Woman here - these girls get lots of attention online. Be sure to ask them out/meet them as quickly as possible and then make the impression IRL
They always give me their “free” day a few days out. I can’t change that
If I had to guess. This last one was new to OLD, she directly gave me her info and we set the date and she probably found another dude a couple days later after setting the date with me
[–]tinyservant 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I want to quote a youtuber called Auston Holleman who was fed up with it. He always says:
"Get your passports".
Maybe you will have luck overseas :)
[–]SolidPuzzleheaded984 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Eh don’t feel bad about it.
They have so many options and there’s always a better looking dude they turn their attention to.
I've been this way for me the past 5 years brother. It almost never gets better. Women are not getting easier. Just more fickle and complicated
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