People in bars and clubs avoid me

pearlofwine · 2022-07-01T09:49:59+00:00

First question, are you physically unattractive?

If so that's probably the main issue, clubs are superficial places where that's what counts.

However if you look fine then I'd say change what you're doing. Chill out with the high fives and they extended "heeeeeyys" stop looking for attention and look for entertainment. If validation is what you're there for you need to change that mindset because it puts you in a needy mindset which is offputting to women and to potential friends. Being needy is creepy because it communicates that you're desperate which is the same as saying "hey I don't believe I have anything of value to offer but I still want you to give me something of value" you see how its offputting, it feels slimy and gross.

So stop asking for more than you're offering, stop trying too hard. Go have a couple drinks and go to the smoking area, bum a few cigarettes and talk to some new people. On this night out you have ZERO intention of validation. You're looking for entertaining conversations. As you get more and more used to feeling out the social field you can try get better at advanced game like flirting but by the sounds of it you're missing out on some pretty basic shit right now. So you need to work gradually to improve.

This is a slow process. On top of this your inner game sounds like its lacking. So go to the gym, start learning a martial art - like boxing, get a nice haircut, fucking shower regularly, invest in a couple of nice colognes, and update your fashion and get yourself looking as sharp as possible, buy some jewelry, a nice ring, a thin subtle chain and a leather bracelet. If you have a beard invest in beard oils (I can recommend a great brand). And overall improve what you have to offer in terms of your social value. People don't want someone who's friendly if they aren't also funny or attractive or engaging and interesting, friendliness itself is a useless quality if it's not coupled with something positive.

Lastly (though I could go on and on and on) you're not trying to make anyone like you. You're trying to find people that you like.

If you realise you like someone and they don't like you back then you don't actually like them, you like the social or physical benefits they could provide you. If you meet a girl who's hot and you like her but she doesn't give you the time of day? Well guess what, you like her body and her social rank. If you like someone genuinely, chances are its because you both connected, which means they will find you pleasant company too.

Stop chasing, start attracting. Be chill, authentically relaxed not highly wired and desperate to be fed because you're starving for validation. Nobody wants to hang around that guy.

AngeloMacon · 2022-07-01T18:04:23+00:00

Dial it back, sounds like you're trying too hard. Maybe just try to have a conversation with the guy sitting next to you at the bar. Minus the high fives or cheering. Just what's up man, good music, how's the game going stuff.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2022-07-01T09:37:05+00:00

Nope, youre either HEAVILY exaggerating or this happened a small handful of times and you're extrapolating.

nevertextgoodnight · 2022-07-01T13:19:04+00:00

Bottom line, the self always shines through. If you're feeling uncomfortable people will notice

But at the same time it's good you're getting experience and exposure by going out and facing the challenges. You will be uncomfortable sometimes and that's natural

Though the more you see these night life people as people who are better than you or have more to offer, you will always be fighting the feeling of being an outcast until you can mentally establish yourself on the same level as everyone else

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-07-01T16:07:36+00:00

The hard part is you need to throw yourself into the fire a bit so you can figure out how to open better. This looks like a sticking point on your opening game. Most likely your body language is conveying uncertainty or something that is causing these reactions.

The simple answer is you need to experiment with different ways to start conversations. Just try everything. Adapt a mindset that you are learning new things, so forget about the outcome. Always focus on the process and not be reactive if people don't want to talk to you. And just try things out. Experiment.

Also, get your intent and entitlement in check. Chances are, people aren't talking to you because you are projecting uncertainty with your body language. You have to get your inner game tight to fix it, but try to open conversations with full confidence as if you fully expect a positive reaction.

As much as I hate this technique, you can also try a false time constraint. This comes from the old school community to solve this very problem. "Hey, I can only stay a minute, my friends are outside, but real quick..."

I think it's better to find good ways to open so you don't have to use these.

But, get your inner game straight. Your body language is probably what people are reading and why you are getting the results you are. Its mostly inner beliefs that fix this. But, you may need to practice first to get there.

ArjunVermaReddit · 2022-07-01T17:49:52+00:00

Takes some getting used to and a lot of practice but keep going to places and look around and see who matches the vibe. And there will always be good and bad nights, more bad than good in the start but the good nights will dominate. Just be cool, confident (or brave if you aren't very confident) and interesting to talk to and you'll gel perfectly with the crowd you're looking for

gangweedsavedme · 2022-07-01T23:03:01+00:00

Bc you needy. Love urself

Title	People in bars and clubs avoid me
Author	Yellow_Squeezer
Upvotes	7
Comments	13
Date	July 1, 2022 9:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vowlwl/people_in_bars_and_clubs_avoid_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/people-in-bars-and-clubs-avoid-me.1255587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255587

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